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When the past comes back.
Wednesday. 10.29.14 6:49 pm
"You think about the past a lot, huh?"

This question was posed to me today and it made me realize just how often I talk about things in the past. And how little I talk about the future. I don't know exactly why this is, but it could be because the future is uncertain and it becomes more fantasizing than story-telling. I mean, sure, it's fun to think about the future and how things are going to be, but ultimately unless you specify ridiculously, boringly realistic goals, it is just that: fantasizing.

Tomorrow is my Friday and I'm glad it's finally here. I know I say that every week, but it never becomes less true. I'll be driving up to the park after work to go for a jog. It'll wear me out because it's a full 3 mile path so I'll come home actually feeling like I got in a good jog. Obviously I won't be jogging the whole path; I'm nowhere near that point yet, but I will be. Perhaps that can be my goal. Be able to jog for a full 3 miles before the new year. I like that goal. It's obtainable.

Friday is going to be a busy day for me. I have one goal: complete my costume. I have a good feeling about my game plan so we'll see how it plays out.

Time to get back in to my Hulu queue. And possibly some Netflix if I'm not tired enough to sleep after I finish the shows.

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Tuesday. 10.28.14 9:48 pm
My wrist is sore. I carved my first pumpkin tonight {I'm fairly certain it was the first one I've ever done because I have no recollection of ever doing so in my past} and I'm thinking that I somehow messed up my wrist in the process. Or it could just be that I'm not used to using such force when cutting an object so that could be it too. Either way, I'm hoping it'll be better tomorrow. Somehow I doubt it. I wonder how long it'll take for the smell to go away ... I washed my hands like, 3 or 4 times already.

I forced myself to go for another jog today. I took a different path, one that led me in to Volunteer Park. My pace was just slightly faster, which probably is because there was only one hill and it wasn't as steep. The rest of the way was pretty level. I'll have to take my route through Volunteer Park at some point. It's certainly large enough to allow me to not have to go in circles. Yet. Once the time increases, so will the distance. I'll be going elsewhere on Thursday.

I also forced myself to go to the pumpkin carving party this evening, and although I spent more time there than I wanted, it wasn't all that bad. There were a lot of people smoking so I spent a lot of the time just taking shallow breaths. That was probably the worst part. I'm glad I went because it got me out of the house and forced me to have to interact with other people. I know that I'm going to a party on Friday, with what I'm sure will be at least twice as many people {there were about 12 people at this one,} but I'm excited about this party since it's the first year {of the past two being invited} that I'll be able to go. Plus, I'll know a couple more people so I'll have more than one person to interact with.

The plans that I had tomorrow will have to wait because I don't have enough gas in my car. If I go out tomorrow then the jog won't happen on Thursday and that needs to happen. I have enough gas in my car to get me to and from work the next two days {not hard since it's less than 4 miles round trip} and one trip up north before I go Friday and put more gas in it. I still won't clean because it's an all day ordeal and I'll be too drained from work {mentally} to focus on cleaning. Perhaps next weekend?

I have to go back to the therapist on Monday. I'm not sure how it'll go, but the last appointment seemed to help some so maybe this one will help a little more. I guess we'll find out, won't we?

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Daily BS, plus my spirit animal
Monday. 10.27.14 5:53 pm
When I mention to people that I have a blog, they think it's something exciting. I have to then remember to specify that it's more like an online journal than what they typically imagine as a 'blog.' I don't write about crazy adventures {okay, sometimes I do} or tell stories that would be enough to skyrocket me to the top of the world of internet fame. I just write about the daily perils of a 28 year old girl who has her ups and downs and is essentially living life, one day of bullshit at a time.

It appears that my place will not be move-ready by the end of the month, especially since I'll be out of town the last day of this month. I also already have plans tomorrow evening as well as Wednesday and Thursday. Today was the last day this week that I had any kind of down time and how did I spend it? Watching mindless YouTube videos, of course.

Something fun that I discovered today was a website that my friend referred me to called Find your Animal Spirit . It basically takes your Chinese zodiac and your astrological sign and combines them to create a profile of your spirit animal. Her's was scary accurate and, with the exception of one part, mine was pretty spot on as well. How does yours measure up? And even if you don't believe in this kind of stuff, it's still fun to look at and see what it says.

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Finally broken in
Sunday. 10.26.14 7:05 pm
I finally worked up the motivation to go for a jog. I took a nap first, of course, but afterward I got together all the necessary accessories and took off. I drove up to work, lucked in to a spot on the street and zigzagged through the streets. Hills are the worst, but it felt good. I wasn't out there for very long, maybe 20 minutes. It felt like I should have been out there a lot longer, but that'll happen in due time.

My new sports bra, that has been sitting in my gym bag for 3 weeks now, has finally been broken in. It's really comfortable, actually. I'm pleasantly surprised. I think when I can afford it, I'll purchase some Under Armour stuff to work out in; widen my selection so that I don't look like I'm working out in the same thing over and over again. Although, since I plan on changing my route regularly, I don't think it would matter much. The odds of the same person seeing me every time is quite low.

Mobile Pandora is an awesome app. I use that as the music player behind the interval app and it continues playing until I turn it off. I'll have to keep an eye on my data, but since I'm almost always connected to WiFi, I'm not terribly concerned. I have a 3 gig plan and I've not even used half a gig of data this month. If I start getting close, I'll just switch back to the internal player that comes with the app.

The plan is to do this every other day, 3 days a week. I'm not sure yet if I want to do the same days every week or switch it up, but it'll be every other day and then two days of rest. The therapist said that it takes about 13 weeks for a new habit to form {or be broken} so here's to the next 3 months of trying like hell to make this a habit.

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Saturday. 10.25.14 12:37 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Shut out
Friday. 10.24.14 5:50 pm
I read somewhere that you are more likely to have bad dreams when you're sleeping in a cold environment. Perhaps that's why the dreams I've been having these past few nights have been quite unwelcome. And I thought they were based off the fact that I was watching American Horror Story before going to sleep.

I wish there was a way to completely shut out the dreams. I don't even want the good ones right now. I just want to sleep without any interruption. There are a million different articles that tell you how to work to remember your dreams, how to become lucid, how to have more. Rarely do you see anything on how to not have any at all. Sure, there are plenty of articles to tell you how to avoid dreaming of certain topics, but I want them gone. Or, at the very least, if I can't completely avoid them, to not be able to remember anything about them.

I picked up my glasses, again, today. They seem to be okay so far. I'll give it a couple more days. I didn't really notice the dizziness until I went to work so by Sunday I should know whether these are the final ones. I'm going in for contacts the middle of next month. Even if I don't wear them all the time, it'll be nice to have them as an option.

After picking up the frames, I went for a walk. It's not the walk that I had intended on doing, but it worked just the same; provided the same kind of atmosphere with probably a much more welcome outcome than what I originally had planned. It would have been a 'too close for comfort' type of thing.

Funny, the fight or flight response that our bodies go through when faced with sudden changes is bouncing back and forth between flight and fight for me right now. There's a part of me that still wants to run and hide and pretend like that would make everything better. At the same time, however, I want to charge right in to battle and face this issue head on. Bring it all on at once, get it all out of the way and be done with it. But that's never going to happen so I just sit and wait it out. Time will eventually do its thing.

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