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Stick with it.
Sunday. 11.2.14 6:00 pm
Cutting out an addiction is much more challenging than forming a new one. Well, at least it certainly feels that way.

Week 2 of the interval jogging started today and I kicked it off at Greenlake Park. Going on a typical rainy Seattle Sunday afternoon meant that there weren't many people there. It might have also had something to do with the fact that the Seahawks were playing here at home against the Raiders {who still have yet to win a game this season.} Let's just say it was nice not having to weave in and out of a lot of people. If the weather continues to be like this, I may go to Greenlake more often.

The difficult part of adjusting to the time change is the fact that it gets dark much earlier, sort of all of a sudden, so you think it's still later than it is. It'll probably take me a couple more days to adjust fully, but I like when it gets dark early. This also means that I'll be forced to jog immediately after work, rather than napping first because I'll run out of daylight. The first obstacle will probably be next week, when the program starts introducing longer jogging intervals. I have yet to make it past week 5 day 1. I'm determined to do so this time around though.

I don't think I'll be going back to this therapist. He emailed me asking if we could push out our appointment time tomorrow to a time later than I'm willing to go out. If he's unable to regularly schedule me for an earlier time, then I'll look elsewhere. I had already told him what the latest I was willing to be out was; it's not my problem that that can't work for him. I'm not going to always worry as to when the appointment will be and if he's going to want to change it last minute. He introduced me to the book that I've been reading and it's actually helping me. It's also opened me up to other options in the same subject so now I know what to look for. Perhaps if I find myself falling in to another downward spiral sometime in the future, I'll look back in to therapy; with someone more reliable.

Until then, I continue reading and interval training, blogging and doing things that I want to do. For me.

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Something's different.
Saturday. 11.1.14 11:52 am
I'm not sure if it has anything to do with the fact that this is the 1st of a different month, but I woke up this morning feeling like something had changed. Something definitely feels different and I have no idea what. It isn't necessarily a good or bad feeling; it's just a feeling. I haven't had this feeling in a while, this vibe, so I'm really not sure what to make of it.

The party last night was fun. It didn't really have much of a party atmosphere, but more that of a get-together. People kind of showed up sparingly and brought food and booze. They hung out for a bit and left, then another small group would arrive with the same intentions, with a few overlaps. The decorations are much more impressive in person than in pictures, so if you're looking at them on my Facebook page, just know the pictures don't do them justice. Some of them didn't turn out very well simply because I am still using my phone camera so the quality for night pictures drops quite a bit. Eventually I'll get a more professional camera.

I left around midnight. The drive out there wasn't too bad, but I did hit the evening commuter traffic in some spots. Let's just say 5pm was a bad time to want to take the 90 to 405 Southbound. I hit another patch of slow traffic in Issaquah, but after that it was clear. Coming home was really nice because it was dark and there were hardly any drivers on the road. Even coming back in to Seattle, the vehicles on the freeway were at a minimum. Driving at those speeds, in the dark, with it raining, kind of reminded me of the one time I took my car up over 100mph. I was tempted to do so again, but there were other cars on the road. The one night in Vegas, no one else was around for miles.

I'm curious to see what this vibe turns out to be that's got a hold of me today. For all I know, it could turn out to be nothing. However, this weird sense that my sister and mom both have as well, the feelings {intuition, as some like to call it} like this usually turn out to be something. I guess only time will tell...

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Success! Well, sort of.
Friday. 10.31.14 1:57 pm
I have all the components of my Daria costume. The final piece that I was missing was the skirt and that was a journey in and of itself. I thought the shoes would be the hardest thing to find, but that was actually the first part I was able to get. The jacket was simple enough; I just bought a dark green fleece from Target. It's not the exact style, but it gets the point across. The orange shirt was also easy enough. I had to choose between short sleeve, long sleeve, tank or cami and since I wear mostly tanks, I went with that. The skirt, I found multiple ones with the right style, but the wrong color. Apparently black only seems to be made in "professional" style or mini-skirt style. It's also not exact, but it's the closest I could find that was solid black.

Despite the fact that I've been excited about this party for a month and I went to some lengths to find all the components required, I'm suddenly not interested in going. I'd rather just hang out in my pajamas and watch Netflix all night. Just like with the pumpkin carving party, I'm really not wanting to go anymore. This happens to me quite often, actually. I'll make plans with someone and when the time comes, I want to do whatever I can to get out of it. A part of me actually hopes that the person cancels and I'll feign disappointment when in reality, I'm rejoicing that I didn't have to be the one to bail.

I know I'll probably have a good time tonight, but I may keep my alcohol intake to a minimum just so that I can dip out early, if need be. I won't mind the drive in the middle of the night.

I guess tomorrow's entry will be the tell all.

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From drizzle to blind in 30 seconds.
Thursday. 10.30.14 8:02 pm
I got home from work and laid down for a nap. It took me longer than I anticipated to fall asleep because I completely forgot that I had a bill to pay and it takes two days for it to process and it needs to be paid by the end of each month. So that got my brain active again so it took a bit before I was able to doze off. Thanks to this, I woke up about an hour later than I wanted so I didn't get the chance to go to the park that I wanted. Instead, I'll save that for Saturday or Sunday, whichever day I go jogging next.

I did still go, however, I went to a park closer to work and just looped through it twice. When I drove there, it wasn't raining. When I parked my car, it had started to drizzle a little bit. By the time the first minute of my warm up was complete, I was soaked. The sudden rain came out of nowhere and it was actually easier to see without my glasses on than it was with them due to all the rain drops on the lenses. It was kind of ridiculous. The rain did eventually slow, but I jogged through it and felt better afterward. My pace increased from Tuesday, even with the hills. I know it'll slow down again next week because the time will be longer so I'll have to pace myself, but as I go through the weeks, the pace will naturally increase as I get stronger.

I'm not sure how early I'll be going out tomorrow, but I want to be able to find what I need and still have enough time to come home and do laundry before I head to the party. I'd rather not have to do it on Saturday, despite the fact that that's when I normally do it. I probably won't stay at her place too long Saturday; I'm more or less crashing there just so that I can drink and not have to worry about driving home. I will probably need most of Saturday to recover from partying, though, thanks to how my body has reacted recently to alcohol intake.

Despite all the other times that I've gone jogging, this time feels different. I feel much more positive about it this time. And I honestly think that it's because I'm doing it alone. We'll revisit how I'm feeling about it in a few weeks, see if it's the same or has changed at all.

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When the past comes back.
Wednesday. 10.29.14 6:49 pm
"You think about the past a lot, huh?"

This question was posed to me today and it made me realize just how often I talk about things in the past. And how little I talk about the future. I don't know exactly why this is, but it could be because the future is uncertain and it becomes more fantasizing than story-telling. I mean, sure, it's fun to think about the future and how things are going to be, but ultimately unless you specify ridiculously, boringly realistic goals, it is just that: fantasizing.

Tomorrow is my Friday and I'm glad it's finally here. I know I say that every week, but it never becomes less true. I'll be driving up to the park after work to go for a jog. It'll wear me out because it's a full 3 mile path so I'll come home actually feeling like I got in a good jog. Obviously I won't be jogging the whole path; I'm nowhere near that point yet, but I will be. Perhaps that can be my goal. Be able to jog for a full 3 miles before the new year. I like that goal. It's obtainable.

Friday is going to be a busy day for me. I have one goal: complete my costume. I have a good feeling about my game plan so we'll see how it plays out.

Time to get back in to my Hulu queue. And possibly some Netflix if I'm not tired enough to sleep after I finish the shows.

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Tuesday. 10.28.14 9:48 pm
My wrist is sore. I carved my first pumpkin tonight {I'm fairly certain it was the first one I've ever done because I have no recollection of ever doing so in my past} and I'm thinking that I somehow messed up my wrist in the process. Or it could just be that I'm not used to using such force when cutting an object so that could be it too. Either way, I'm hoping it'll be better tomorrow. Somehow I doubt it. I wonder how long it'll take for the smell to go away ... I washed my hands like, 3 or 4 times already.

I forced myself to go for another jog today. I took a different path, one that led me in to Volunteer Park. My pace was just slightly faster, which probably is because there was only one hill and it wasn't as steep. The rest of the way was pretty level. I'll have to take my route through Volunteer Park at some point. It's certainly large enough to allow me to not have to go in circles. Yet. Once the time increases, so will the distance. I'll be going elsewhere on Thursday.

I also forced myself to go to the pumpkin carving party this evening, and although I spent more time there than I wanted, it wasn't all that bad. There were a lot of people smoking so I spent a lot of the time just taking shallow breaths. That was probably the worst part. I'm glad I went because it got me out of the house and forced me to have to interact with other people. I know that I'm going to a party on Friday, with what I'm sure will be at least twice as many people {there were about 12 people at this one,} but I'm excited about this party since it's the first year {of the past two being invited} that I'll be able to go. Plus, I'll know a couple more people so I'll have more than one person to interact with.

The plans that I had tomorrow will have to wait because I don't have enough gas in my car. If I go out tomorrow then the jog won't happen on Thursday and that needs to happen. I have enough gas in my car to get me to and from work the next two days {not hard since it's less than 4 miles round trip} and one trip up north before I go Friday and put more gas in it. I still won't clean because it's an all day ordeal and I'll be too drained from work {mentally} to focus on cleaning. Perhaps next weekend?

I have to go back to the therapist on Monday. I'm not sure how it'll go, but the last appointment seemed to help some so maybe this one will help a little more. I guess we'll find out, won't we?

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