A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence
"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"
"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation
"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes
"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita
“It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.”
~ William Blake
Think about it
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics
Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Blue Milk Special
Cigarro & Cerveja
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Eat That Toast!
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
The Intrepid Girlbot
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
The League of Evil Genius
Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
The Property of Hate
Robbie and Bobby
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Strong Female Protagonist
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy
Yellow Peril (PG-13)
Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
The Book of Biff
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Hello with Cheese
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing
Meat and Plastic
The Nerds of Paradise
No Reason Comics
One Swoop Fell
Pictures for Sad Children
A Redtail's Dream
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
YU + ME
Pure Flash Awesomeness
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
Clients from Hell
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Back in la Californie
Friday, July 8, 2016
Gym time today: 1 hour.
I've been feeling a bit more normal since I got home from Hawaii. I wanted to go to a gym class today at 12, but I ended up sleeping in instead. My sleep schedule got really messed up when I was away, and I keep staying up super late.
I did go to the gym later, though. Ran a mile (8:00 mile pace, lvl 2 incline) and walked a mile. Running didn't feel good. I wasn't working out regularly while I was on vacation (it feels weird to say that... the whole year since I graduated has felt like a vacation, even though I've been working and stuff), and I feel kind of out of shape now. :S My chest hurt towards the end of the mile... I did notice that I never got that kind of chest pain in Hawaii, so I wonder if it has to do with the humidity? Breathing dry air seems to be hard on my system. Aside from the treadmill, I did some squats/burpees/bridges/planks on the Bosu ball, and also some bicycles and a couple upper body exercises with free weights. I didn't really have any plan for my workout, so I kinda just did exercises as I remembered them.
J and I Skyped for nine hours again the other night. The call was interrupted a few times, but at least one of the blocks was around five hours long. He was falling asleep during parts of it because it was so late... It was really nice though. I feel like I keep repeating myself by saying that, but it's how I feel. Even when we're not talking about anything in particular, it's kind of comforting and calming to Skype. It made me feel more normal when I was feeling off in Hawaii.
It had to be the night everyone was gone
Monday, July 4, 2016
So my family left for 4th of July. I didn't go with them to see fireworks because I was tired.
The high humidity tonight brought a bunch of huge cockroaches into the house. I've killed three of them so far, but there are at least three more. T_T Just in this room, too. I haven't checked the rest of the house...
J was keeping me company for a little while.
Me: I have goosebumps from fear right now T_T
J: You've received a package from J1991!
J: Press [OK] to recieve "Potion of Courage."
Me: I don't know how many there are
Me: This is just making me think about my dad's story about how a roach flew into his fly
J: well, not to breed fear or anything, but in my experience, there are always 5-10 more than you think
Me: JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ saaaaaaaave meeeeeeeeeeee
J: i wish i could T-T
My family came home and started getting more of the roaches. There were some so big that they scared my dad, which just made me more afraid, and I ended up crying from fear.
In less panicky news, I Skyped with J for uhhh... close to nine hours yesterday. .__. We started around 6:30 PM my time and ended around 3:30 AM. I was feeling sad earlier in the day, but I felt a lot better during/after the videochat. The call dropped a few times, but I think it's the longest I've ever Skyped with someone... It didn't feel like that long, though.
More positive things
Saturday, July 2, 2016
I felt off today, but this made me laugh, at least for a moment:
Me: It's hard to pinpoint quite how I feel right now, but it's maybe a touch melancholic?
J: do you know what you feel melancholic over? :\
Me: Not really. I kind of just want to lie down and do nothing. :|
Me: But I'm on the rebounder because maybe exercise will help?
J: but just in case
J: *gets scented candles*
J: *dims lights*
J: *turns your music up*
J: WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO THROW WET TOWEL ON YOUR FACE OR NO?
J: WILL WET TOWEL HELP
J: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THESE THINGS BUT I FEEL LIKE WET TOWEL MAYBE HELPS
J: DO YOU NEED CUCUMBER EYEBALLS
J: I CAN GET YOU CUCUMBER EYEBALLS IF YOU WANT
J: oh man i wish there was a place that rented out baby bunnies
J: so i could like
J: unleash a hoard in a room with a sad person in it
J: and then take them back when done
I forgot I was supposed to be writing something every day for writing group. Whoops. I started today, so I'll have about a week's worth of stuff by the time the meeting rolls around, if everything goes according to plan. The prompt was to write something for at least three days though, so... this is still meeting the goal.
The other night, before the thing with my brother happened, I was feeling nice... We'd gotten a big watermelon for cheap from the grocery store, and when we got home, my uncle cut up most of it and juiced it. He freezes the juice in Ziploc bags, then blends them later to make watermelon smoothies. While he was cutting it, I was hanging out there in the kitchen and chatting with him, and eating the bits of melon left on the rinds. I like the white part of the rind, because it's crisp and isn't overly sweet. It tastes kind of like cucumber. My dad says that when I was a toddler I would eat the rind down to the green part. After my uncle had finished cutting the watermelon into medium sized chunks, he filled the pitcher of the Vitamix with them and blended them into juice, and I held open a bag for him to pour it into. There was something very simple and comforting about preparing the watermelon. It felt like such a small thing, but it was the kind of unremarkable activity that I often daydream about. Just a gentle, every day kind of activity shared with good company. It's something I want to remember.
Good things for today:
-There was leftover spinach and garlic pizza from my favorite pizza place, so I ate that for dinner. It was cold, but it still tasted good.
-I have a big bug bit on my leg, and it's super itchy, but my uncle has this can of stuff called Biofreeze that's supposed to be for pain relief, but works for itching too. It's essentially a menthol spray, but it feels really nice.
-The speaker system for the middle floor TV is fairly good quality, and I spent a few hours listening to Jens Lekman on the Soundcloud add-on for Kodi on the TV. It sounded a lot better than it does through my mom's laptop or my tablet.
Friday, July 1, 2016
Okay so I was typing up this whole entry and I accidentally refreshed the page and lost it and I don't want to write it again, I just want to bang my head against the wall.
I WAS gonna talk about being sleepy this morning and thinking pears were funny and how I went out to dinner last night and bet my cousin Ryan he wouldn't eat his whole meal (garnish included) for $2 and he did anyway, so I paid him in change. NO DETAILS BECAUSE THE PAGE REFRESHED. >:C
Today I slept in (although I woke up a number of times) until 2 PM...
My brother is telling me about how insulted he is that only girls who "eat their boogers" like him. "Do you know how insulted I am that they think I'm in the same league as them?"
---Four hours later---
We had a very heated debate (I keep wanting to call it a discussion, but he was clearly in it to win it) about a variety of things, including his... dislike of what he considers feminism's goals to be. I don't want to go into detail about it, but it was a stressful conversation to have, and he was super aggressive and was just... in fighting mode the entire time. I was just trying to type up a blog entry and he came and started ranting to me about stuff and then it turned into this big thing. T_T My uncle came and talked to us both about things at some point, which was such a relief to me. He's gone to bed now, but I think I'm going to privately thank him in the morning. I was frustrated to the point of crying, which tends to happen when I get stuck in an aggressive debate with someone (as is the case with my brother...). >.> After my uncle stepped in though, things calmed down a lot, and my brother was much quieter. I'm not sure how much he absorbed of what my uncle said, but I felt better, at least...
It's almost 4:30 AM now and I'm super tired, but I really just wanted to finish this entry before my mom comes and takes her laptop back in the morning. T_T
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
Not too much happened today, but we visited Padovani's Chocolates in the Dole Cannery. It's a pretty upscale chocolaterie, although it's not super fancy looking inside. I think they focus more on the ingredients than the decor. The owner talked to my mom and me a lot about his process and the ingredients he uses, and he also showed us some of his custom-made magnetic gift boxes for the chocolate. There were some really pretty tiered ones that spread out into separate layers when you open the box, and... I didn't get a picture of them, whoops, haha.
The owner looked at me when he was showing us the boxes and said, "Tell your boyfriend, 'get me this one', and if he doesn't, you say "you're sleeping in the doghouse tonight!'" I laughed, but it was weird to think about actually doing it. I don't care enough to get upset over things like that, and I don't really understand the kind of relationship dynamic you'd need to have in order to be able to get away with something like that, anyway. It just seems so alien. o_o
I got a chocolate mousse from there though, and it was super yummy. *__* I can't decide how it compares to the pot de creme I love so much from Dolce Bella, but it was definitely enjoyable.
Today was a good day, and I felt good. ^__^
Diamond Head [2P]
Monday, June 27, 2016
Sunday, June 26, 2016
I feel really good today. It's a nice, relaxed, mellow happiness.
Skyped with J for like three hours last night, and then a bit more this morning, haha. I don't think I've ever Skyped with anyone so much before.
Have also been listening to this song a lot today:
"Forest (Single 2015)" by ColoreSantos.
I fell asleep listening to Jens Lekman's Postcards playlist last night, and when I woke up, Soundcloud was going through different songs I didn't know, and that was one of them. I haven't listened to that much shoegaze, but I'm really enjoying this song right now. Was just lying in bed earlier, listening to this song and talking to J and blissing out. @[email protected]
"Postcard #3" by Jens Lekman.
Guess I'm just in the mood for laid back music today. I've been chatting with J pretty much all day except for the few hours we were sleeping, and we just finished watching Lilo and Stitch. Ahhhhhh. ^__^
Last night I went for a walk outside. It was pretty much the perfect temperature, not hold or cold at all, just absolutely comfortable. It was quiet, and the moon was bright, but it was hidden behind a thin layer of white clouds, and some darker, heavier clouds were moving closer to it. Right after I got home, just when I got back to my room, it started raining outside. I had good timing. o.o Maybe I'll go for another walk tonight...
Kuli'ou'ou ridge trail [2P]
Sunday, June 26, 2016
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