So I saw The Lobster tonight with Esther and it was awesome. I mean, that's not really the right word to describe it, because it was this sort of quiet but deep enjoyable experience, not like an "AW YEAH THIS IS AWESOME!!!" exciting thing, but yeah. Esther had a WTF expression on her face for most of the film, because she's not at all used to surreal films, but I liked it a lot. We talked about it afterwards and she said she felt like it helped that I was there, because she understood it better, haha. She also said that she didn't think she would have liked it much before she met me, because apparently I have introduced weird and quirky things into her life or something. XD

The movie was kind of like a very exaggerated metaphor for mm... human relations and expectations and loneliness and love/companionship. I didn't think it felt too heavy-handed though. Would watch it again.

I voted today, and went to the doctor (the nurse I had was Indian and kept asking if I wanted a Tdap shot, but I couldn't understand her, and then someone else came in to give it to me and said it was a tetanus shot, but she said "I'm going to give you a tetanus injection"). I also... babysat. But I didn't go to the gym because I was too tired. :( Took a nap instead... but... maybe it's okay... because my lower body was kinda sore from yesterday. My arm also hurts a bit from the shot. :S

Esther and I are going to go hiking on Sunday! I said I would lend her my Adulting book too, because she asked what I'd been reading lately and that was one of the nonfiction ones. Hoping to hang out a few more times before I leave. Gotta make plans with everyone...

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Gym time today: 3 hours.
Total this week: 3 hours.

Mat Pilates, Cycle Fusion, CSI today. I felt so sleepy through all three. In CSI she had us do three rounds of the same set of exercises (50 squats, 20 push ups, 30 jump lunges, 20 lateral raises, 50 mountain climbers, 15 burpees), and even though I went pretty much as fast as I could through them, it didn't help with the sleepiness. Not sure what was going on.

Gonna go vote tomorrow, among other things. Doctor appointment, babysitting, hospice visit, gym... Phew. I hope I don't get too tired.

The CSI instructor plays this song a lot and I like it, but it also kind of makes me laugh.

"Another Night" by Real McCoy.

I think it's so funny to me because of the guy's voice. I mean, I like deep voices, but a super serious deep voice in a song like this is just... so silly. Was this just a popular thing in the 90s? Aqua has it going on too (although I think the members of Aqua don't take themselves seriously, whereas it feels like the singers in Real McCoy do).

Okay, so, I didn't tell Gwenny, but for writing group, I kinda cheated and didn't write something new for the meeting (this is separate from the poem I wrote during the meeting; we're supposed to write between meetings and then share). I ended up just using something I'd already written. >.> It fit the prompt though, and she liked it. Still, it was sort of scary, because it was a very personal piece, and nobody else has seen it before. Really wasn't expecting her to react so positively to it. I guess that's good, though... Maybe it's okay to share some of the personal stuff once in awhile. <_<

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So Youtube recommended this video to me...

"i'm not like other girls"


I definitely related to a lot of parts of it, both in the past and in the present as well (to an extent). When I was eight, my best friend decided we should be tomboys, and that was when I started thinking "girly" things were stupid. I don't think I've ever wished to be male, but I've had a longstanding internal sense that stereotypically feminine things are somehow... inherently inferior to masculine things. That's been decreasing a lot in recent years as I've been embracing femininity more, though. Still, I notice it cropping up in small ways. For example, when I write a character, I almost always default to male, because it feels like male is neutral, and a female character can't just be a person. Like there needs to be some specific reason for a character to be female... (I guess I also feel like people will think a female character is supposed to be some kind of representation of myself, though, and male characters just feel safely detached from me)

But yeah... this is something I've been realizing at different points over the past few years, and I want to move away from this internalized notion that femininity is inferior to masculinity. I used to try to be "better" by adopting more masculine attitudes and behaviors, but that's... yeah, that's not the right way to do it.

In other news, Varsha forgot we were having lunch today. I got to the restaurant and waited for half an hour, but she didn't show, or reply to the text or voicemail I left her. A few hours later she responded and was extremely apologetic, saying that she was helping a friend in San Francisco move and hadn't checked her phone. We've rescheduled for next Saturday... so maybe the third time is the charm. Also meeting SL to go hiking on Saturday (Suggested 10 AM, so I won't have that much time to hike before I have to leave to meet Varsha at 12:30, whoops).

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I can't remember if I've shared this here before, but my friend was telling me about his grandma and grandpa and it reminded me of this clip from What Dreams May Come.


I always feel so sad when he says "I just wanted us to be old together." Hits so deep in the feels. >_< It's hard enough to find someone you want to spend your life with, and the thought of getting to that point and having them taken away from you... agh. :C Even though I know research shows us that we tend to think things will make us happier or sadder than they really will, I can't imagine losing someone that close to you being anything less than terrible.

...On a less depressing note, we got more watermelon, and I pureed like... 3/8 of it and added some lime/lemon juice and ground ginger and put it in the freezer and it's gonna be amazing. *__* I poured some of it into popsicle molds and am making more of a granita-type thing with the rest.

Also, tonight I learned that centipedes are terrifying, but I'm not afraid of millipedes.

And here's something I'm just linking because I might want to remember it later:

The Sneetches

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I remember when this was my favorite band. (And I still have their logo as my icon on here!)

"Black Liner Run" by She Wants Revenge.

She never leaves her home but she’s real sweet
Got her own style, leaves the windows real wide
Crosses her fingers after so many years
Mascara runs through the tracks of her tears

Run run run would you wear that black liner baby
(Still it’s nice to wish)
Run run run would you wear that black liner baby
(If he understands)
Run run run would you wear that black liner baby
(This could never be)
Run run run would you wear that black liner baby
(Still he’s making plans)

I'm sure there must be a lot more songs about online interactions, but I think this is the only one I know...

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My dad got a take 'n bake cheese pizza from Safeway because they're only $5 on Fridays, so I threw some stuff we had in the fridge on it and popped it in the oven today. >_< I was like "well... pine nuts... garlic... olives... smoked salmon... those could... be okay together..." Trying to use up food we have before we go to Hawaii. Trying it now, and I'm not too impressed with the pine nuts.

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I had writing group today and wrote the beef jerky face poem during our writing exercise portion.

Tears wash down my beef jerky face
Because you're not in my beef jerky embrace
Why do I even have beef jerky limbs
If they can't carry out my beef jerky whims?
At night, my beef jerky mind plagues me with reams
Of visions of you in my beef jerky dreams
How my beef jerky soul is besotted with you!
But I know my beef jerky hopes cannot come true
My beef jerky heart is heavy with sorrow
And I long for a better beef jerky tomorrow
Where my beef jerky hands are clasped around yours
And joy is extruded from my beef jerky pores
Yet I know, in my beef jerky heart, it can't work-y
For while I am beef, you are turkey jerky

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Here are some pictures from yesterday

A tiropita I got at the Greek festival.


Loukoumades... This was the small size, but I couldn't even finish half of it. >_>


The loukoumades were super sweet, but then I decided to get pomegranate sorbet as well, because for some reason I had a super sweet tooth yesterday. There was a tunnel in the middle of it, but it was so good. @[email protected]

My dad likes to say that when you get cravings, it means your body is telling you that you need something. I don't think my body needs diabetes though, so I don't know what this was all about.

I also got a mocktail (oh wait, two mocktails) at the Art Boutiki after the Greek festival. So good. @[email protected]

I feel like I had an obscene amount of sugar yesterday...

Friends! The magic show started a lot later than we were expecting, but we got some time to just hang out, so that was nice.


Um. Hm. My rescheduled lunch with Varsha is supposed to be tomorrow, so uhhh maybe I'll have something to say about that.

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[2:20:18 AM] Me: Sometimes I just wanna talk and like be real mannnnnnnnnnn
[2:20:23 AM] J: LOLOL
[2:20:26 AM] J: just be reeeeeallllll
[2:20:34 AM] J: man you're so down to earth
[2:20:42 AM] Me: So down to earth and chill
[2:20:47 AM] Me: And laid back
[2:20:55 AM] J: i bet your skin is made of dirt and recliner leather
[2:21:22 AM] Me: They don't call me Muffin "Beef jerky face" Extraordinaire for nothing
[2:21:40 AM] J: fuckin beef jerky face oh god
[2:21:44 AM] J: the imagery
[2:22:01 AM] Me: I always feel like a dumbass when I laugh really hard at my own jokes but yeah the imagery is killing me
[2:22:14 AM] J: stop making me laugh in the middle of the night when i'm visiting family
[2:22:17 AM] J: -____-
[2:22:49 AM] J: i think i woke my brother up
[2:22:49 AM] J: oops
[2:22:56 AM] Me: Hahahahhaha, I'm sorry
[2:23:00 AM] J: yeah you better be
[2:23:15 AM] Me: Tears of regret wash down my beef jerky face
[2:23:24 AM] J: here i'll go wake him completely up to let him know you're sorry
[2:23:58 AM] Me: I feel like what I just wrote could be part of a really shitty, hilarious poem
[2:24:43 AM] J: i'm imagining the tears not coming out of your eyes, but just like, seeping out of the pores in your lower beef jerkey eyelids
[2:24:50 AM] J: LOL
[2:24:53 AM] J: write that poem
[2:24:56 AM] J: it's your destiny

Also I went to the Greek festival and a magic show and those were pretty fun things.

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I PICKED UP A PACKAGE TODAY AND IT'S THE GREATEST THING

---Edit---

Okay so here are a couple pictures!

J sent me a book, but he also drew something for me and put a budgie bookmark in the package.


And a closeup of the bookmark err pendant thing.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee I love it so muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch!!

Also here's a bunch of apricots we picked in my backyard.

Nom nom.

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Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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