Sunday. 3.21.10 3:52 pm
I can't really describe how I feel right now. Lots of things come to mind...and that's the problem. I can't pin down any one situation or emotion as really being the most important to me right now. Lots of stuff going on.
There's a rather large book report type thing due tomorrow, and I don't have the book and it's sold out at the bookstore. I've read it. But it'd still be nice to have it on me to look through.
I didn't get into the school I wanted, so now I have to choose between 2 or 3 pretty good schools, 1 or 2 of which I haven't heard from yet. Speaking of which, I hear from Brown and Cornell in less than 2 weeks. Here we go again!
Things have gotten a bit complicated with one of my friends, and I partially blame it on nearly everybody making the assumption that when I make a point of hanging out with her it's because I'm trying to woo her or something...I admit there's a bit of attraction in that respect, but I'm trying to build some sort of basis relationship as FRIENDS before I jump into other stuff. SHE gets that, I think, even though she seems to be under the same impression as Every Single Person I know.
I also partially blame myself for not handling it better to begin with. I wasn't sure what to do, and I'm afraid I may have led her on a bit (indirectly) by not heading off those expectations earlier. I'm awful at this.
Speaking of relationships...nearly all my friends are drifting apart, in some cases with more than a little drama. Seriously? These people have known each other throughout high school, in some cases longer, and they're too paranoid or something to just deal with problems and continue being friends. Is it just me, or is that weird? I mean, it's one thing to lose interests with someone...for example, AJ and I used to be "best friends" back in middle school, and these days we rarely hang out or talk on a deep level. Is it because I think AJ's ignoring me or that he's trying to hook up with my ex-girlfriend? Did he make a mean joke about something I was upset about? No. None of that is true, and if it was I'd tell him what's up and be done with it. We've fought before. Our decline is just a matter of separate interests. In fact, I hung out with him Friday night. He invited me to go skiing with his Dad a few weeks ago (and it was great). We're still friends, just not close. But I'm hearing of complete rifts between people, and in too many cases I care a lot about BOTH involved parties. And everybody's just accepting it! Even the people that I respect most seem to accept "she usually ignores me when we hang out" as a good excuse to just not talk to somebody. You know what's wrong? This girl probably has some beef with the kid because of something stupid, but he's being equally stupid for not just asking what's up. This same girl thought I was ignoring her (I have absolutely no idea how long she thought this, or why,) and she didn't talk to me one day. I didn't even notice. I said something to her offhandedly and she was so surprised she asked why I was ignoring her. I told her she was crazy and that was that. Problem solved, good friends.
This is dumb. Just because we're seniors doesn't mean we have to live for the day that we leave for college. The day when we leave everyone and everything we know for a new part of life. I know a guy who has to work very hard, and he's ready to move on. First off, nothing's going to change when he moves; he'll still have to work, arguably more than he does now. And second, why should that make him hate his life now?
I hate when people I am spending my time with mope. Moping is dumb, and you should at least do it on your own time. Actually, no, I should clarify. If you're upset, it's fine to burden your friends (if they're OK with that, which any good friend should be), but it's different to deny consolation. For crying out loud, you've got people who love you right here. Cut it out.
Maybe it's just me. I hate feeling like people have pity on me, so it always makes me uncomfortable when I feel like a situation calls for me to pity someone more than I expect them to appreciate.
Now that I've avoided English for half an hour, I think I'll try to put my mind to that...it's so hard to work when I don't have an immediate deadline. Huh.
That's certainly interesting.
Tuesday. 3.16.10 10:06 pm
Let's assume Brown and Cornell Universities.
Physics department, go.
I did not get in.
Sunday. 3.14.10 2:18 pm
It's not as bad as I thought. Kind of like not getting what you expected for Christmas, as shallow as that comparison is.
Now I don't know what to do with this MIT hoody. Wear it, I guess.
When in doubt, slow down
Saturday. 3.13.10 8:00 pm
This works everywhere except sports.
It's weird, me getting tailgated when I'm driving annoys me more than getting stuck behind a slow driver. First, it implies that I am a slow driver...and while I certainly have respect for speed limits, it's more true to say that I treat them more as...guidelines. And that works both ways. If I'm confident, I'll drive faster. And if the road sucks or I'm in a neighborhood or something, I'll go slower. I think that's logical. Secondly, tailgating (especially when I'm already over the speed limit) is the epitome of ignorance and selfishness. It seems that most people don't understand that THE CLOSER YOU ARE TO MY ASS, THE SLOWER I WILL GO. This is so that if I have to stop suddenly, you're less likely to ram me in the back. It's what you're supposed to do in my position. Not drive faster. Not brake-check you, as much as it would please me. I drive slower because it's responsible, and I do my best to ignore my annoyance and enjoy yours.
Thirdly because it's nearly impossible to accurately convey this to the moron driving the car behind me. At least if someone's acting up in front of me I can flicker my brights or something. Nobody pays attention when I dance on the break pedal.
I bought a glow-in-the-dark Nalgene during the Bonclarken Retreat. I am pleased.
Life is interesting, to say the least. Tomorrow I find out about MIT, and April 1 I hear from Brown. Eeeeeeee
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