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Dream sequence
Saturday. 11.8.14 8:49 pm
There's so many different things that tell you what dreams mean or what the causes are behind the context of different dreams, but it still doesn't help answer why certain dreams are easier to handle than others. Why are some dreams, that seem innocent enough, more bothersome than others? I've found that, regardless of the content, if I'm dreaming about people I know, those are the ones that bother me most. If I dream about people I don't know, again regardless of the content, I'm less affected.

If I could choose, I'd rather not have any dreams at all, but since I don't get to have that as an option, I'd rather just not dream about people I know. Last night's dream was fairly simple. I was hanging out at my friend's house helping her in her garden and her husband was inside talking to his publisher. He had suffered some kind of injury that required him to have a cane for the rest of his life, so he somehow became a writer. The mood wasn't bad, but I woke up feeling uncomfortable.

A couple weeks ago, when I was watching AHS, I had a dream about an old friend and his wife. Now, the whole point in watching AHS right before bed was to have twisted dreams because I wanted to get a horrible night's sleep. My wish was granted, however, I'd much rather have just had twisted dreams about random characters from the show than about this guy and his wife tormenting people inside the Asylum. I wanted a horrible night's sleep, not daytime nightmares.

In retrospect, I dreamed about being inside an old barn with torture devices and different rooms and suddenly I was inside an abandoned town with the same kind of setting, along with a monkey in a cage that was being saved for something. I didn't recognize any of the people in that dream and I woke up feeling just fine. Even with as twisted and whacked out as that dream was, nothing felt uneasy about it. That only seems to happen when I know the cast of the dream.

I still have an unopened bottle of Zzzquil, which will most likely remain that way. The other bottle I finished off created dreams I'd rather not discuss {it could have also been the stress I was going through at the time} and after a week of using it almost every night, I was sick the entire week following {also could have had to do with the stress.} But because that was the product I happened to be using when all this shit was going down, it now has that uncomfortable effect tied to it so I'll likely never use it again. I wonder if anyone I know would want it ...

I know I've discussed not wanting to dream quite a few times in the past. You can always tell when it's been a while since they affected me because I only seem to talk about wanting them to stop when one {or more} affect me quite strongly.

So here's to hoping I have a dreamless night...

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Walking backwards
Friday. 11.7.14 10:02 pm
Whenever someone tells you to take a couple steps back, how do you picture that happening? Figuratively, of course. No one literally takes a couple steps back. Do you picture it as actually walking backwards or do you picture it as turning around, going back a few steps then turning back to face forward? Or, do you look in a different direction completely?

When you're forced to take a couple steps back and reevaluate your life, or job or whatever situation that you're currently in, it's challenging to put on the brakes and stop what you're doing. Mentally, your brain wants to keep going. It wants to make sense of everything that's happening. Slamming on the brakes only works for some. Others, like myself, have to take time and tap on the brakes multiple times before they finally seem to give. However, once they give, it's only a short matter of time before control is regained and you can begin moving forward again; regardless of which direction that puts you, it's still forward motion.

I didn't clean today. Well ... no, I didn't clean today. I organized my sock and underwear drawers and got rid of a bunch of old clothes that I didn't realize I even still had. The room still looks a mess, but I take comfort in the fact that I no longer have to fight for space between my socks and undies. I'm sure I'll eventually get my room move-ready. It'll most likely be when I'm actually moving and have a deadline.

The location of tomorrow's jog is yet to be determined. There's a couple places I want to go, but I'll probably end up back at the park I seem to be frequenting. I'll most likely go there on Sunday as well. It works just fine, really. It gives me flat ground and hills to work with. My friend said don't fix something if it's not broken; it's more for just a change in scenery rather than wanting a different challenge. The next jaunt I want to try out will probably wait until I have money because there's place near there that I want to try their breakfast. Perhaps in a couple weeks? We'll see what my finances look like. It may have to wait till next month. The cool thing about this city is that there's so many options for jogging. It's a very physically active city. I doubt I'll ever be able to get to them all so I'll never be allowed to complain of being bored from routine.

Alright, I was going to push myself to stay awake longer than normal, since it's Friday, but I'm having trouble focusing on the screen and with nothing better to do, why not give in to sleep?

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Playing catch up.
Thursday. 11.6.14 7:59 pm
It took quite a bit of work to motivate myself to actually go jogging today. My sister helped push me to it, though she really only just text me that I should go. My overall pace was a bit slower because I went back to Volunteer Park and there's hills there so, naturally, I slow down. I'm not in the business of trying to kill myself during an interval jog. It surprised me as to how many people are actually there after dark. I suppose that's a good thing because it meant that I wasn't completely alone in an abandoned park.

Hopefully I can actually motivate myself to clean this weekend. I may end up just laying in bed the whole time catching up on sleep. With it getting dark before 5, I've actually been going to bed earlier than normal and somehow managing to sleep through until the time I normally get up. It's kinda nice being able to go to bed early. I'm really considering giving that up again, though, so that I can put away expendable cash for my next trip. I have 6 months.

I have to at least get my trash taken out tomorrow. Pizza boxes are starting to pile up {I only have 3, but still ...}

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Dull and boring
Wednesday. 11.5.14 7:26 pm
I seem to be getting exactly what I asked for, which is fine with me. I keep waiting for things to change, though, because this pattern can only go on for so long before something abrupt happens and throws it all out of whack.

Unfortunately, this pattern doesn't leave much for me to talk about so this will be the shortest of entries that I've written in a while.

Perhaps shit will hit the fan tomorrow and I'll have something more exciting to talk about.

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Picking up the slack
Tuesday. 11.4.14 6:23 pm
I didn't go jogging today. I must have pulled a muscle on my Greenlake outing because my right leg, down by my ankle, is still sore. It hurt more yesterday, though, so hopefully tomorrow it'll be better enough that I can make up for not going out today. It sucks because it didn't actually rain today so I was looking forward to not getting wet. However, I'd rather not mess up my leg more than necessary. Until I'm able to do a full 3 miles in my interval training, I think I'll save the 3 mile, once-around, paths to when I can get it all done with during the training. The extra mile after jogging through was probably what pushed my leg past the endurance point.

The last couple days I've been purposely avoiding doing a specific thing. It's something that I should have stopped doing a couple months ago, but it became a rather toxic habit. It started to lead down a very dangerous path, on an emotional level. So I cut out the habit. The resistance level wasn't too bad yesterday, despite an unforeseen circumstance, and it was actually easier yet to avoid doing today. However, I took a nap and had a dream doing the very action I've been doing so well at avoiding. Thank you, subconscious, for picking up the slack. <~~~ sarcasm, if you didn't catch that.

I have absolutely no plans for this weekend. I feel like I'm supposed to have plans, that I made some that I'm forgetting about, but absolutely nothing is coming to mind. So I'm making the plan right now to clean. And I mean seriously clean, to the move-ready level that I've been wanting for the past month.

Hopefully my mind behaves itself tonight and I don't have tripped out dreams again.

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Lunar bound
Monday. 11.3.14 6:06 pm
Did you guys read that China sent a probe to the moon? I, for one, think that this is awesome because well ... I can see the moon from here. As awesome and exciting and fascinating as it is that we have a rover on Mars, I can't see Mars the way I can see the moon. It's the first lunar mission to be completed since the 70s and, despite the fact that it's not the US completing this project, it's still very cool.

Also, there was an article that had a 'robochick' wheeled in to a colony of emperor penguins so that their heart rates could be monitored. It was disguised as a fluffy baby and all the other babies would crowd around it to help keep it warm. They didn't even seem to care that there were wheels. It's adorable.

Work wasn't horrible; it was just the same shit on a different day. Well, mostly the same shit. There was a crazy guy that started out in the pharmacy, ranting and throwing punches at nothing in particular. He then made his way outside, stole a chair from the cafe, and broke two windows in a parking pay booth, attacked himself and a car with a brick and just was generally destructive. It took at least 7 cops to hold this guy down. Don't do drugs, kids.

Tuesday is my least favorite day of the week, but it does signify that I'm halfway through so I guess it shouldn't be frowned on too much. Knowing that I'll be jogging after work is actually helping me not hate it so much because it gives me something to look forward to. I just have to figure out where I want to go this time. I like that I change it up every time because it allows for a change in pace and scenery. Hmm... I wonder what the parking situation looks like at the Arboretum. I read they have a path there...

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