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The green eyed monster and me
Friday. 11.3.06 9:32 am
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Tuesday. 10.31.06 10:00 am
It's been crazy.
Absolutely insane.

Spent most of this weekend with just about the best friend I have. Made it worth it. Got to visit some friends I haven't seen in ages (even though we live in the same itty bitty town), which is always fun. I got to meet some new people from church (or at least feel a tiny bit more at ease with the few I knew from before hand). Also, went to a Hell House with the church's youth.

It was *really* fun. In more ways than I can put into words (and in some ways that I'd prefer to keep to myself). At the end they asked if any of us wanted to pray. I went. Holding back tears I filled out the little form - It asked for general information: name, address, e-mail, phone number (all of which I filled out with easey), then it asked for your church. I hesitated, the pen hovering over that little black line my mind raced - what do I put down?! Do I put San Martin back home? Do I put Saint Marks from up here? Do I put down WOF? If so is it simply because I'm here with them? Would it even matter? Why does this simple question feel like it matters so much? I made a decision. I put down Waves of Faith. For whatever reason as soon as I wrote that, the tears that I had been pushing back (rather suscesfully I might add) started to kind of leak. However, before I could get ahold of myself the woman who was there to pray with us pulled up a little green stool (which I couldn't help but notice had a grey kitten painted on it) and asked me in the kindest voice what I would like to pray about. The tears broke free and silently began to roll down my cheeks. I explained my situation - we prayed. When I finally opened my eyes there was a group of women standing around/near me and they were praying with her praying for me. I laughed (but that's normal when I cry) and they handed me some tissues. She said some of the kindest words I think I've ever heard (save very few). I breathed deeply for a few moments, collected myself and walked outside to join the others who were waiting on me.

After I got home I recieved another shocking statement. The youth, the kids themselves asked their leader (my friend) to make me a youth leader. *shocked silence*......WHAT?! I'm just starting to gain faith in what little faith I have! I'm in no position to be teaching kids something as serious as what they're asking. I mean, don't get me wrong - i'm honored, beyond complimented and unspeakably touched by their proposal but I'm not sure I'd be doing them any justice. It's hours later and i'm still 'spinning on ice' from it.

All in all this was one of the best weekends I've had in a long long while.

My brother woke me up this morning. He called at 8 and we talked for a good half hour about what he's doing for Halloween and all that jazz. I miss that kid so much sometimes it hurts. I'd really like for him to come visit me sometime during the year. I don't believe it's probable however, my parents are pretty uptight about him driving home much less all the way up here. I'd like to bring him up but in all honesty i'm pretty sure that's not doable either.

Well, I'm off to try and figure out what classes I'd like to take for next semester. Wish me luck!

Love and Laughter Always.

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te quiero con limon y sal
Saturday. 10.28.06 12:26 pm
Woke up late. My bad. Turns out it wasn't a big deal (or any deal for that matter) in the end.

"COME ON VIRGIN!" she screamed at me from across the crowded room. I'm not sure I've ever felt more emberassed in my life (and that's saying alot). I could feel my face turning a bright shade of red as I walked across the kitchen and over to where she was standing. She wanted nothing more than for me to be near her and the other girls I was at the party with. She did that 3 more times, all of which were nowhere near necessary. Every time I felt shame burning my skin. There's no real reason to be ashamed of it - and I know that that's what I had decided to be for Halloween (a virgin sacrafice) but at the same time that's something I'd rather not have SCREAMED at me as a form of identification. I also got into a little spat with Amanda. She got wasted pretty dang fast and just as quickly began ripping into me about how I don't tell her anything and how I've been ditching her. I have been (in a way) but at the same time, I don't feel bad about it. She also started to go off on Susie for stupid reasons. (It's retarded trying to rationalize with someone who's that gone.) Susie and I both left her outside to cool off while we went inside to check on the others.
In short: the party last night.....sucked.

Today as I was wandering around the perversion that is myspace I ran across a few pictures of some old friends.

Dora has once again uprooted herself and moved hundres of miles away on a hope. It's alot closer to home than last time - but let's face it, it's still a HUGE leap of faith. I admire that woman in alot of ways. She put up pictures of her and Michael. It got me to thinking so I got up and grabbed Lauren's wedding invitation. They're both so happy. I can't think of very many other people who trully deserve to be as happy as both of these girls. The smartest, funniest, darkest, nerdiest people around - when we get together it's like nothing's changed - even though we haven't all been together (or even spoken to each other) in about 2 years. I'm looking foward to Lauren's wedding. I wanted to take a guy along with me so that I'd have someone to dance with, but in the end I believe I'm taking Mel. She'll dance with me and in all honesty we'll have more fun sitting at the table watching everyone, catching up, and taking pictures of everything more than anything else.

There's alot going on in my friend's life at the current moment. ALOT. To put it into metaphor form: If all this drama was a hurricane (a BIG hurricane) then he would be the retarded reporter who reports what's going on from inside the storm. I on the other hand am watching all of this on the news safe in my living room going 'wow, that sucks'. Of course since he's my friend I want to help him in any way possible - but at the current moment there's not much of anything that I can do or say to make the situation any easier to bear. It makes me feel useless.

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Well, I think it's romantic
Tuesday. 10.24.06 8:22 pm
The Village is on tv.

I love this movie. I've always thought it was a VERY romantic movie. If I ever find someone like Lucius Hunt.........he'd have to run. Fast.
I called my friend to let her know that it was on tv. She called me the weirdest person she knows - I don't know if I was slightly insulted, or incredibly complimented.

"Sometimes we don't do things we want to do so that others won't know we want to do them. "

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