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a recipe because I'm trying to study
Saturday. 2.2.13 2:46 pm


If you're like me, you're going to want to prepare the black beans from dry, so rinse them out and let those soak overnight, covered, in the fridge, with the water rising just a bit above the beans.

Then drain them, the next day, rinse them, and pop them in a pan with water...boil that till they're soft like baked beans. Mince some onion and garlic, chop some green pepper. Have that ready when you start draining your beans. Pop all of it in a mixing bowl, salt and pepper to taste, then either use a masher like a punk or wait till the beans are cool enough and get in there with your hands (because it's so satisfying, come on). Get it all mashed up with some beans still intact. Add breadcrumbs (unseasoned) if the mixture feels too moist, but usually it's going to be pretty decent, right off the bat, so add slowly.

Then heat up your vegetable oil in a pan (or whatever you kids use to feel healthier--I hate canola oil, sorry), form some of the mix into a patty, and heat until a nice, crispy shade of brown.

After that...it's your burger. But I like to put it on one of those whole grain, thin sandwich rounds with some shredded cheese and a dollop of sour cream.

I make a batch for like ten burgers and keep it in the fridge, because it definitely takes a good, long while for this stuff to spoil. Yum.


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left unsaid
Friday. 2.1.13 1:10 am

Guys I don't think I'll be able to keep the writing up for a whole month.

I don't know if anyone here watches Doctor Who... It's good. I like it. This has super spoilers about a two-part episode ("Forest of the Dead" and...??).

So there's this two-parter where the Doctor and Donna visit this library, and there end up being these tiny, deadly creatures that can work together to move things, transmit thought, et cetera. People are a potential food source, and these things are ravenous. Turns out that the giant computer system that controls the entire library has been saving all its occupants to the system rather than letting them get eaten alive. So, it saves Donna, and she ends up in this computer system, sort of a virtual reality, where she meets this stuttering man, they get married, and they end up quite happy together.


So then, of course, in the end, everyone is released from the system because the library is safe from the creatures. So everyone is being teleported from the library to wherever they belong, after all these years of being in the computer, and Donna's looking around for her virtual husband. We see him get up on a teleporter, and as the operator starts the teleporter up, he spots her, and there's this crushing moment where he stutters so much that he can't get her name out in time to call out to her. You see the joy die in his eyes as he's teleported out, and all the while, Donna is looking in the other direction, trying to find him. This is (SPOILER OUTSIDE OF THIS EPISODE) the only person, in my opinion, that she ever really falls head-over-heels for, and she ends up deciding that he must not have been real--that he was just created by the system. They never see one another again. Two people, separated forever, because he wasn't able to call out to her. Two people with the potential to fall in love all over again, get married again, experience the joy of children again, with each other, and he disappears from her life in just a moment, because neither of them take the right action. She doesn't look, he doesn't just skip to the vowel.

Well, I came to making this entry because of something I must have written in the middle of the night, last month, in my phone's notepad:

"Aren't we all calling out with a stutter?"

Aren't we though?

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Tuesday. 1.29.13 9:08 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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lightbulb moment
Monday. 1.28.13 5:45 pm
We're in a giant hall at six o' clock, trying to find the non-alcoholic beverages table through a mass of students and their dates. I point him in the right direction, but there are a billion people in the way and we're about to fight our way through the crowd when he puts his hand out, and suddenly our fingers are laced.

That was the moment that later made him say exactly what I'd said, a week earlier, to someone entirely different: "We aren't friends."

I was probably asking for these results, going on a romantic weekend getaway to the snowy mountains of New York with a good friend and all his fantastic friends. But I figured, you know, life should be filled with opportunity, not fear and doubt. And that worked out.

Anyway, after a bunch of precious hand-holding, slow dancing, and now not-so-platonic bickering, we had a good talk and we're both getting exactly what we need: non-monogamous, non-committed, See Where These New Feelings Go (and if they go) And Take It From There BUT DON'T TELL ME ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE SERIOUSLY WHO DOES THAT flirting and dating. No pressure. If one of us wakes up tomorrow and is over all this, both of us can walk away fine, because there isn't anything solid there, yet, so friendship would be easy to go back to.

I just went from the most complicated situation to the easiest situation in the world (for me) in a week.

It's no big deal. Is it rebounding? Probably not, but who knows? Is it a good idea? No idea. Is it easy and non-stressful? Yes. I forgot how nice it was to be on the exact same page with someone.

I don't have to worry!

Photos from the formal probably in the next post?

Get ready to be overwhelmed with beauty, am I right??

**EDIT: After RJ's comment, I wanted to clarify--he lives a thousand miles away, although we do get to visit semi-regularly. It's purely a mental...thing, what we're doing.

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