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Social avoidance.
Sunday. 1.11.15 7:49 pm
Some people get anxiety when they are faced with certain kinds of social interaction. Others feed off the attention and the surrounding crowds. Other people, like myself, can deal with being social, but usually choose otherwise. I have quite a few days a month, probably around half, where I'd just rather not interact with anyone. Not even through text.

I'm feeling like possibly tomorrow will be one of those days. It's kind of already kicking in now. I'm willing to answer text messages, but I will not initiate a conversation. It's kind of a silly way to act, an almost childish way, but it happens about every other day. Or it could last a few days at a time, then I'm fine for a few days.

I'll have to go back out after work tomorrow on a mission to find business casual attire for the lower half of my body. I was able to find a few nice shirts to wear to work, but no luck in the pants/skirt department. A lot of the professional stuff is all high-waisted and rather uncomfortable. If I'm going to be wearing this stuff on a regular basis, it needs to be comfortable. It's a shame I can't wear jeans. No denim of any kind, even nice dark colored pairs.

Tomorrow is day one of phone training. I kind of just want to get the first few out of the way so that I can know what to expect and how to handle it. Monday is usually pretty busy for calls, though, so I'm not sure how soon I'll be jumping on the phones myself. Guess I'll find out.

Here's to what's definitely going to be an interesting day.

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It is not Friday
Saturday. 1.10.15 8:21 am
Due to the fact that I've only been doing this new schedule for the past two weeks, my brain still wants to think that my days off are Friday and Saturday. I have to keep reminding myself that today is, in fact, Saturday and not Friday. Business hours are different today and traffic ... well, today is an exception since the Seahawks game is later, but traffic is going to be worse at different times than during the week.

I go back to my campus starting Monday to complete my final two weeks of training before I'm left on my own. I'm excited and nervous, but more excited. I know that once I get the first few calls out of the way, I'll be more confident in knowing what I'm doing and will be more comfortable not having a mentor with me.

I have a lot to do this weekend and I'll most likely do everything today, except shopping, which I know then I'll have to force myself to do tomorrow. It's kind of necessary for work. I need to make a stop at the bank, put gas in my car, pick up more contacts {since I used up all the trial lenses that I like; I have to wear the kind that I like to my follow up appointment so they can do what they need to do to finalize the prescription} buy snackable items for the party I'm going to later and buy clothing appropriate for the new job. No denim allowed since it's a clinic and they think that staff in jeans is not an appropriate image for the patients. Which, whatever, but I have to follow the dress code.

I was hoping to be able to sleep in later than this, but there's contractors outside working on the power lines and they're yelling at each other over the noise of the truck. So no more sleep for me. I may try to take a nap later today, but it depends on how my errands go and how long they'll be outside yelling. I'll need to leave around 4:15ish in order to get to my friend's at 5 so the nap might not happen today. Oh well. Perhaps, if I'm out late enough tonight, going to bed later will cause me to sleep in later.

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Thursday. 1.8.15 8:05 pm
After two weeks of being in a facility that has no single use bathrooms, I'm cautiously optimistic that I have gotten quite a few steps closer to being able to use public restrooms without having to wait until I feel like I'm dying before I can go. These last few days, at least, I haven't seemed to have much problem. I'll change it up and use the one upstairs, but even using the one downstairs has been working in my favor.

I still refuse to use the restrooms at Pike Place Market, but at least I should be able to use them at the store or gym or whatever. Let's hope that it keeps up and that shit doesn't happen to cause my mind to be shy about it anymore.

Tomorrow is my final day of training in the computer lab. We'll be role playing more, taking turns so that we each have time to answer fake calls. And then after the lunch break I'll be shadowing some more because they don't have my department there. The other lady in my class will be going to her phone training just slightly earlier than originally planned. Mine will start Monday.

There's going to be a potluck tomorrow. I'll be getting up early and making a stop at the bakery to bring some snackables. Someone else is bringing bagels and another person is bringing fruit, but we were talking about the bakery earlier in the week so I figured this would be a good excuse to kind of splurge a little and celebrate.

One more day before the fun starts ...

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Oh hello, nerves. Welcome back.
Wednesday. 1.7.15 8:41 pm
I only have two more days of computer lab training before I go back to my campus. As excited as I am to be going back to the place I'm most familiar, and having a much shorter commute ... and more options for lunch ... I'm getting nervous because it's the next step in the training process. I'll be handling live calls, setting up actual appointments. No more role playing. Next week starts the real deal. Then two weeks later I'll be left on my own, granted I 'graduate' from the training.

I know that I shouldn't be nervous about it, but it's a huge step. Going from just pretending and being able to stop and take as much time as I need isn't going to be a thing anymore. I mean, sure, I'll be able to take as much time as I need, but only within reason. There's still a human on the other end of the line and even if I state that I'm new, there's only so much patience people can handle. Not all patients are patient.

Also, they're not able to train me as much as if I wasn't in a specialty because they don't have the exact guidelines that are used where I'll be. So I have to just work with what I'm given and hope it's enough to give me a good start.

I'm going to kick ass at this job; there's no doubt about it. But that doesn't stop the nerves from happening.

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Sitting, waiting, wishing.
Monday. 1.5.15 5:57 pm
I've had this song stuck in my head all day. I haven't heard it in several months, at least, and yet around my first break this morning, it popped up. All throughout the training, all throughout the final breaks of the day, even during conversations with others, this song just kept interfering. How does this work? Why do certain songs, or memories or whatever, pop in to your head at seemingly random times? Especially when there is no recent reference to said thought.

And now it's stuck in all of your heads. You're welcome.

My brain hurts and perhaps this is its way of coping. There is just so much information involved in appointing and they're trying to cram it in to our heads in two weeks' time. Once they let us loose on the phones, we'll have two more weeks to get used to that process. No more role playing; it's all live calls making actual appointments. This gives us two weeks to get our timing and technique down. The girl that I shadowed on Friday said that it took her about a month to get most of it down, so I'm going to aim for that. I don't like not knowing how to do something or not being good at it once I learn.

I do know that I'll be glad to be back up at my campus. I'll get to focus on learning my actual specialty-related training and I'll be back in familiar territory. I'll have more to do for my hour long lunch rather than drive to Starbucks and spend $10 on a delicious, yet quite overpriced, sandwich and snack. I'll be more comfortable bringing in my own food because I'll be around people I know. Or, since I live close enough, I could just come home for lunch.

Here's to hoping this last week of computer lab training doesn't completely destroy my ability to retain information.

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Now? No. How about now?
Sunday. 1.4.15 6:35 pm
It's been a week and it still hasn't hit me yet that I have a new job. I mean, everything is different ... except that it's not. I think it has to do with the fact that I'm still going to be at the same facility. I'm not there yet, but I only have a week left before I am back at my campus. Perhaps when I receive my first paycheck and see the monetary difference? But even then, the first paycheck will be shorter because of some missing time from the first day and money deducted for a bus pass.

I thought that it would have hit me by now, but it hasn't. Even when I did laundry yesterday and the volume of my load was cut in half due to the lack of uniforms to wash, even though I had a full week's worth of outfits to wash. Honestly, it kind of feels like I'm just on vacation. I am being loaded up with all kinds of new information and practicing a lot of new things and yet, I just feel like I'm taking a break.

Maybe I should have taken a week off from work in order to properly transition myself in to the new role that I'm taking on. I'm glad I didn't because I need the final paycheck before I receive the first one from the new job, but ... I guess I'm just confused by why this doesn't really feel like anything has changed.

Perhaps it'll hit me sometime this week.

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