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There has never been a sadness that can't be cured by breakfast foods.
Days of the year

January 2020

  S  M  T  W  T  F  S
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  5  6  7  8  9 10 11
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 26 27 28 29 30 31
Friday. 12.1.06 3:19 am
I'm going to write a swell entry

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Inside my head
Wednesday. 11.22.06 8:57 am

I leave today.
I'll be back Sunday.

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I feel like a child as I look at the moon
Saturday. 11.18.06 9:47 am
If there was some way to remember that dream in detail I don't know if I would want to. Yet even as I groggily blinked my eyes and reached across my night stand for my glasses I could feel it slipping away; like fine sand pouring through my fingers, and I felt the urge to scream at it's loss.

Keeping a friend company
a pleasant walk through a busy street
children laughing
-a kiss on the cheek?
A new friend added to the mix?
A kitchen table rendezvous
Racing through moonlit streets
A familiar face
-a familiar hug
-a well known broken smile
Laughter apart
-a hug good morning
back where we started

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blue diamonds moving on a green field
Wednesday. 11.15.06 2:04 pm
What is this feeling so sudden and new?
I felt the moment I laid eyes on you

my pulse is rushing
my head is reeling
my face is flushing

What is this feeling fervid as a flame?
Does is have a name?

unadulterated loathing

Could it be that there's a point of hope? Some island in this ocean I've put myself in? A place of refuge from the storm? Is it too much to hope for? Too good to be true? We'll see one way or another.
Some friends from High School are coming into town this weekend. It'll be good to see my apartment filled with people and hopefully laughter. Of all the things in this world that I hate and fear - it's an empty house. Especially if it's my empty house.
I've been going to XA and I plan on going alot more. They seem like such good people, through and through. Of course looks can be decieving - but I'm willing to find out. I've been talking to them about some of my general problems, and Alot of them have been praying for me - it brings me some small measure of comfort. I noticed yesterday though, that I feel small when I'm around them. I'm dwarfed by them in so many ways that I feel completely inadequate. I think that's why I haven't been going as much as I said I would - or as much as I should.

I hate that I don't have anything to say.
I love words and yet they hate me.

"I wouldn't say that you're plain. I think a lot of your problems are rooted in your inexplicable desire to please people when you go out and do something. You don't need to be the smartest person or the most hard working or anything like that. You just need to do what you love to do independent of what anyone else thinks."

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