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lucky cha cha cha!
is...


hikarixgaki
Age. 24
Gender. Female
Ethnicity.
Location , NJ
School. Boston Univ
» More info.
this is my site // disclaimer
P.S. The passwords to protected entries will always be "watermelon" as for 9/27/06. For all password protected entries before then, just ask me for it but most likely the password it "pleasedont".
listening
links out
background from createblog
i guess
7/4/07 (wednesday)
that we've made up.

Well, we're more comfortable around each other now.

But nobody here cares! ;D

Anyway, I can't wait until my Disney World vacation, which is coming up on the 22nd. To make this post relevant, has anybody ever been to Disney World? Stayed at the All-Star Sports resort? (Which, by the way, is supposed to be, like, the worst hotel on property XD) I am obsessed with Disney World and Disneyland, so this vacation will definitely be awesome. =]

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i am not
6/17/07
allowed to listen to good music (note: Peter Bjorn and John) around Alyssa because it reminds her of Andrew.
And since I apparently love Andrew so much that I never admitted to him that I like him on Alyssa's behalf, I only listen to them because he does.
That makes total sense, especially since I probably heard that song before he did (first at my party when I was like, "This video is creepy!" and then a month or so later when I was like, "Hey, this song is actually pretty good!")
So then when he puts the song on his away message, it's totally off-limits because he likes it. And if I like it too, then I like him. If I like him, that turns on Alyssa's bitch switch. (Hey, that rhymes.)

Oh yeah, and she's used the words "hypocritical" and "faggot", but not together, so nobody's going to be slapped yet. But you friggin pushed him into a pool when he had his cell phone in his pocket! Shouldn't you cut the guy even a little bit of slack if his cell phone got messed up? Sure, it may be fine, but still.
Hey, it could be his fault too, because I was feeling both nice and separated from my "friends" enough to warn them that she'd push him into the pool.

I am totally glad that those lazy people (Alyssa and Michelle) didn't come to Nicole's party yesterday. It was totally fun and worry free. Well, besides the fact that I couldn't swim and it was raining for an hour or so, but other than that, it was pretty fun. And plus, if Alyssa was there, she'd try to start even more drama with Andrew because she just loooooves the attention, though she'd never admit it in fear of her dignity. I can totally relate.

And I don't think I should have put my nutang on my myspace, because I think that's how all this drama started. Alyssa getting mad at me for venting out my feelings.

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this is turning
6/11/07 (monday)
into my emo blog!

So today I was at a graduation party at the Bliss Lounge (that place kicks ass by the way) and Alyssa just does not get that Andrew doesn't like her and never will.

On graduation (Friday, may I add), Alyssa wanted to be tragically romantic (she'll deny it, but you know that's her intention) and give Andrew a letter of God knows what (of course she won't tell me what's in it because she hates my fucking guts and won't even tell me).

I'm guessing she spilled her heart out and was expecting a huge hug or a kiss.
But even if she does get a hug or a kiss, she's just say it's insincere and would get pissed off at him.

So if it's a break up letter? That wouldn't make sense to him because they were never going out.
Then she'd probably expect him to feel guilty and apologize, but again, it would make no sense because he had no obligation to her in the first place. And once again, she'd think it's insincere because he just wants to make her happy, which obviously isn't enough.

SO WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT HIM TO DO, ALYSSA? IF HE DOESN'T GET IT BY NOW, THEN HE OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T GET IT AND YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM!
And he's pretty much done everything by now, so you must really be a controlling bitch if you need him to do exactly what you want.

And Victoria is totally biploar now! Not in the medical sense, but in a slang way. Like, one minute she's happy and hyper and on the dance floor, and five seconds later she's moping by the couches with Alyssa again. And if you ask what's wrong, they'll wave you off like it's none of your fucking business, bitch. Sorry, I was only trying to help.

Something else that's been bothering me: Caitlin N. hasn't really acknowledged my presence yesterday or today.

Aaahhh all of my friends hate me. Thank God for high school and new starts.


(randomness: Aaahh, I'd totally see a show with Daft Punk and Klaxons if I was old enough and lived in Paris =D)

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if i have to
6/1/07 (friday)
hear the words "hypocritical faggot" one more time I am going to punch somebody in the face.
Preferably the person that said it.
Which would probably be Alyssa.
Who ultimately deserves it.
Because she herself is a hypocritical faggot that doesn't want to admit it.

Even if I apologize for something I've done, something that she expects me to know even though she gives me no clues (I only knew what I had to apologize for because somebody else told me!), she doesn't thank me for it. She expects it, like she's so amazing and powerful that I should have to do it anyway without her telling me. And I kinda did take that initiative. But instead, I wrote a letter.
And instead of even the least, "Thank you for your honesty," I got, "I knew you wouldn't be able to say it to my face," with the bitchiest of faces on. She hasn't even spoken a word to me about it, so I don't even know if I said the right thing, made her happy, pissed her off more, or anything. We're just... there. And I feel like that's worse than her hating me.
I'm ready to say it to your fucking face now, if only I knew if you were still mad at me. That state of consciousness between hate and forgiveness is the worst, but you probably don't care.
Hey, at least I'm not posting this where everyone can see, you attention-seeker.

I even realize that I myself have lots of flaws. I seek attention too much as well. I can get really annoying after a while. I am a huge show-off. I am just an overall weird person. But when you try to be modest, it just doesn't work because it's so blatantly fake. You say, "At least I don't talk about the guy I like all the time and how he doesn't notice me," but in reality you do talk about the guy you like all the time, it's the only thing you ever talk about besides your family members that apparently hate you so much. You talk about him all the time, and it's not because he doesn't notice you, it's because he's trying to look after you and you hate it. You hate it so much because you want him to look after you more and more until he gives up. Then you'll complain that he isn't looking after you anymore and the whole fucking cycle continues.

Hypocritical faggot. I'm not the one calling my best friend's crush a "fall back" for a boyfriend in high school if I can't get one anyway. Especially when I got mad at one of my friends for liking the guy I obsess over, sure. Yeah, I can totally see Derek agreeing to that. You just expect the people around you to change their lives for you. Like Andrew going to Bloomfield High without you even telling him just because you knit him a scarf? Seriously? And I know, I know that you guys won't be friends anymore by senior year. Hell, I'm already hanging out with more people going to PC because I know I'll be stuck with them for the next four years. You guys have to make new friends, jeez.

Well, I'm graduating from eighth grade next week. Seven days exactly. Then after that, a boring summer without anywhere to go and without any cool cousins. My dad will probably make me play softball because this whole spring, all he would ever talk about is softball. Playing softball and my softball team. After a while, you start to go, "Who cares?" but my dad is not one of the people you should ever say that to. So, I'm stuck. I just can't wait until I start at PC: I'll get a new start.

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oh jeez
5/10/07 (thursday)
Not really a nutang person anymore, I am.

In a "PC freshmen 07 c/o 2011" board thingie on myspace

"imma 8th grader cummin der nex year n i been der b4 most of yall since mii brotha mitch first started so yea ill be der doin it up so dont say lil eighth graders cuz rememba uhhh*YALL USED 2 B3 LIL EIGHTH GRADERS*
mii brothaz mitch n gerard luvz yall 1!!im out!!~
~*♥LaDii Bi A.k.A. {G!ggL3z} R.O.D.B. Da FuCk ^Up^ HATERZ DA FUCK UP SIDE DOWN!!!
N 4 ALL DA 8TH GRADERS CUMMIN NEXT YEAR SHOW DES HATAZ HOW WE DO IT**DEY CANT TOP US LIK TRILLZ...YA DIGG!!"

I am so screwed. So I heard between PC and Bloomfield High, you're better off at Bloomfield High. Which is a huge stretch, because BHS has a really, REALLY bad reputation. I still really want to go to the Mount, but it's way too late for that now. And I'd hate to leave Will alone there without anyone to hang out with. Well, maybe he'd hang out with Matt or something but now I'm just rambling.
So anyway, I heard that Andrew might be going to PC. Which probably isn't true, but I really heard from him that he doesn't really want to go to Seton Hall, it's just what's expected from him. But, thank God, he's not going to BHS.

I can still tell Alyssa's mad at me for telling Mike about Andrew. I still kinda wish that I sat at the same seat as I did that one day in math class before everyone HAD to move around. When I was sitting next to Andrew and by Derek and Will. We just talked the whole time, mostly about Alyssa though. We called her bipolar - which is probably is - because one minute she's totally pissed about something and pissed at you, while the next day she's really hyper and acts like your friend, especially if she needs the answers to the Spanish worksheet. We also called her a hypocrite, because she so obviously is as well. One day she talks about how she's over Andrew and severely tells me to shut up when I mention his name and the next she's drooling over him all over again, monitoring his every move and criticizing him for not devoting one hundred percent of his time to her unconditionally, even though, as one of the "jocks", he has decidedly more friends to hang out with. Which is okay, good, fine and dandy for him, but Alyssa just has to realize that.
I also told Andrew that Alyssa's obsessed with him, which she is in a way, and Derek started chanting "Alyssa and Jamie! Alyssa and Jamie!" Jamie was a girl in sixth grade that was, to sum it all up, my competition for Andrew's affections. Needless to say, neither of us ever really won his heart. Jamie, however, was way more into the game than I was and was borderline stalking him. I can see the resemblance.

My softball team's 7-1-0, but that's just 'cause all the other teams suck.

About one more month until we graduate. Holy shit.

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confirmation classes were dumb
5/2/07 (wednesday)
Confirmation "journal" activity:
Write down what was made on each day of creation and explain what it means to your everyday life (or something).

"Hell, nobody's gonna check this."
"Yeah, they never check it."
"Day one? That's like the Sun, right? Oh whatever fuck that."
"One, you're like a dream come true..."

Day 1: just wanna be with you

"Dude, it's 'you're like a dream come true'."
"How do you even fucking know that?"

[singing along]
1: just wanna be with you you're like a dream come true
2: just wanna be with you
3: 'cause it's plain to see that you're the only one for me
4: repeat steps 1-3
5: make you fall in love with me
6: if i ever i believe my work is done then I'll start back at one


"What about the seventh day? That's when God rested, right? Sunday?"
"Yeah."
"Dude, if they check this, then we're so screwed."
"I'm screwed? You're screwed. But yeah, you're screwed."

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