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Blind to the gemstone alone


bauhaus
Age. 27
Gender. Female
Ethnicity. Asian
Location ,
School. Other
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January 2018

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I love vegetables
Wednesday. 3.9.11 6:24 pm
My internship has been great because I love eating and making vegetarian food. I get to taste and eat tasty vegetarian foods 3 days a week at an almost fine-dining restaurant. I think the restaurant is sort of overpriced, but there might be a reason why it is. The food is really good, but I wouldn't pay for it. I haven't been to a restaurant that tastes like this one. I know how to make the food in this restaurant and it uses simple ingredients, but I'm questioning why it taste so good. Perfect for my taste buds. Maybe it's the room temperature and ingredients. The ingredients are super in my opinion. The fruit has the perfect sweetness. The avocados are perfect ripe/texture/taste. They know how to get good produce. Of course because they have their own farm, which explains why other place can't do it like them. I noticed that sometimes I overindulged in eating vegetables/fruits/grains/spices. I just love the taste of vegetables more than anything else. Yes, sounds strange, but it feels good eating it. Which is why I'm a near vegetarian.

The only main reason I couldn't be a full vegetarian is because my family needs to eat some sort of meat. They think they need it. My sister really likes fish fillet and shrimp. She occasionally eats chicken, and no other meat. For me, I don't like eating any animals. It doesn't feel right for me, but sometimes I eat it because that's the thing I cook for her. She wanted it. It would cost more to make 2 different meals, and uses more time.

I've always been obsessed with everything vegan though. The thing about vegan foods is that it doesn't have milk/cream smell. Tastes better and brings out the flavor. The first time I ate vegetarian was when I was 17 and I had a real vegetarian mindset in Fall 2009, when I turned vegan at almost end of that year. My vegan diet wasn't successful because my mom got impatient with me. That's when I had to quit, but I didn't want to. So I eat what she makes. I can never like meat again even if someone makes me eat them. I'll eat it, but I won't feel good about it. I barely eat meat nowadays. When my mom moved to Utah, I make my own food.

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Miss my mom already
Monday. 2.14.11 1:00 am
Went to drop off my mom because she is off to Utah and not coming back for many months. I sort of feel insecure without her because I have never lived without her. She is my mom, friend, teacher, assistant, buddy, guardian, etc.. I'll miss her, but good thing I have school. It helps to not have to think like this when I'm busy with internship, studying and occasionally movies. I got to studying the whole section of accounting because it's part of my major. Meeting with the teacher at 7:30am in the morning. Came home late from dropping off my mom. Things will be fine. I can cook for myself. I cook vegetarian when I'm alone or eat vegetarian when I'm on my own. I live with my sister now, and she wants meat, so I'll probably have to make that too. So yeah, many things to think about. I have a math test coming up on Wednesday, so that will distract me for good. I'll study my brains off. I feel like I was gonna be sad, but then again I'm not because she's going there for a purpose. She didn't leave me. I'm old enough to take care of myself.

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Moving out of the city
Sunday. 2.12.11 9:44 pm
Changes. Big changes are definitely happening. My mom is moving to a different state to work, and after graduation, I will be moving out of SF with my sister as well to where my mom is going. Graduation is 3 months away! I'm so excited. It feels like a dream come true to finally get out of San Fran. I'm tired of this city because people view me as a person with "conservative values." They didn't say exactly like that, but a friend said, "You always dress conservative." A couple of old classmates/friends tell me that I needed a makeover. They said I should wear tighter clothes and go to bars. It's not my thing. I'm a christian. I'm finally moving to a place I feel like where I belong too. Here, I'm just viewed as reserved. I don't mean to be, but that's just the way I am. I don't drink and I don't want to, but people like to encourage me too. Why is dressing appropriate immediately viewed as conservative, obsolete, unfashionable or old-fashioned?

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FRIDAY
Friday. 11.26.10 5:13 pm
I'm alone right now because mom just left for work, and I'm gonna go over there and fill in the remaining 3 hours because she would have to work alone. I'm actually fine with it now because the bakery is almost closing down to get demolished at the end of this month. I can't explain how happy I am because I'm tired of working there.

I let myself loose again. Yesterday was Thanksgiving, so I went out with my mom to buy the usual Thanksgiving food, but we bought premade food because we didn't feel like cooking that much since we don't have an oven to bake anything. I was a vegetarian, but my mom wanted turkey, so I'm not a real vegetarian because she would be disappointed if I didn't eat the turkey, so I did. We also had mashed potatoes, yam and dinner rolls. Finished it with pumpkin pie. So far, I think I'm the only who's eating the pie because my sis don't like pumpkin pie. I had half. I'm eating Pringles Xtreme Buffalo Wing chips. I let myself loose because I went on a diet before, lost like 30 lbs. but it felt depressing so I didn't want to continue with that right now. So yeah, I eat many junk foods lately.

Today is also BLACK FRIDAY and I'm not in the mood to fight with the crowd at all. If people want to camp out, they can, but I'm gonna pass because it's too much work. I don't have that much money anyway. I'm just tired of putting in too much efforts in freebies right now. I did before, but I don't need anything so far. I have pretty much everything I need, plus, it's super cold out there. I have more important things to worry about. I didn't get to studying Math the way I planned it. I just can't put my thoughts to actions that easily. It's a bit difficult. Test is Dec. 3rd.

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School is Great!
Friday. 8.27.10 10:07 pm
School's been great! Things have been working in my favor except that I have tons of readings. When I see how many pages I have to read, I get lazy automatically because it's not easy reading. I have to make set goals to read everything on Saturday and Sunday. I think I should be starting today because I want to take at least 3 days to finish reading everything so it doesn't get too heavy and overwhelming.

Other than reading, I had a great day at school. Seeing old friends, meeting new people and getting to know some of my classmates better. I go to lunch with my friend after Latin Studies every week. It's been pretty cool. I sort of feel sorry for that guy I don't really know. He's in one of my class, but is awfully quiet. He seems like a nice guy, but his shyness took over him. Being in Culinary Program really does form bonds, but somehow he's not part of the group, which I find awfully strange. He looks good, but always sits alone during breakfast/lunch while all the Culinary people sat together. Why wouldn't he be sitting with the group? I just feel really bad for him because he's the only one that sits alone. Well, not really the only one, but seems to be in my view when I'm with friends and acquaintances. I would be his friend, but too afraid to approach him because we never cooked/worked together before. If I did approach him, I'll be coming out of nowhere and look like a creep. I'd rather not. There has to be a reason for going over there. I was like him and I know how that felt, but at the last semester of Culinary Arts doesn't make sense. People already form close friendships along the way. Oh well. I'm just writing this because I know how it felt to be alone while you see most of your classmates sitting together. I'm not like that anymore. Amazing how much I changed. I'm not so shy anymore. I did shy away from today's event because it's a gathering for all Culinary people. I didn't want to be there without a friend, so I guess I didn't completely changed? LOL!

Other than that, I don't have much to say. Math is good because instructor never checks homework, and grade is based on four tests with the lowest test grade dropped. Sounds good to me! Anyways, I'll have to get to reading soon because I don't want to be behind. Need to be ready just in case the instructor picks on me to answer/share. I hope she doesn't for the whole semester. Not sure if my opinions matter. I'd rather express my opinion in this online blog because no one knows me on here?

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The Hair Entry
Sunday. 6.6.10 6:00 pm
So I've been growing my hair since last year. I don't think it's that long, but people tell me that it's long. Measured it and the hair is over 23 inches. Since beginning of this year, a couple of people have been bugging me about getting my hair cut. I thought it was extremely annoying because it's my hair, my property, my stuff. I can do whatever I want to it. At first it seemed like a nice suggestion. Overtime, it became something else. An extreme annoyance. They don't ask me if I want my hair cut. They just command saying things like, "Let me cut your hair", "Be ready because I'm gonna come and pick you up." People don't even ask me what I want. I just want them to leave me alone. I'm cutting my own hair anyway. I don't need anyone to do it for me over than my mom. I just don't like it when people suggest something far from my taste. It makes me suspicious when people get too pushy. I come off as weird for liking certain movies, music or clothes style, but that's just my preference.

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Currently
[Mood] The current mood of bauhaus at www.imood.com
[surfing] nutang
[listening to] Sopor Aeternus & the Ensembles of Shadows
Current Lyrics
Equal Ways

So the circle cannot fade
It turns in endless ways
It turns its endless days

So this window offers views
Of endless loves and fears
Of endless moves and stance

We turn in rest and dance
Scoff at our arises and falls
I won't stop wonder
I will never stop wonder

They walk in flowers
They walk in shorts
They win the nothings
They win awards

It makes no essence to me
I walk the flowers
I win the nothings
So this circle cannot fail

It turns its endless ways
It turns its endless days

Scare the dower
Rises and falls
I won't stop wonder
I won't ever stop wander

Scare the dower
Rises and falls
I won't stop wonder
I won't ever stop wander

We turn in equal days
So let's live in equal ways
We turn in equal ways
So let's live in equal days

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"I often think that the night is more alive and more richly colored than the day." ~Vincent Van Gogh

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