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Friday. 2.1.13 1:10 am

Guys I don't think I'll be able to keep the writing up for a whole month.

I don't know if anyone here watches Doctor Who... It's good. I like it. This has super spoilers about a two-part episode ("Forest of the Dead" and...??).

So there's this two-parter where the Doctor and Donna visit this library, and there end up being these tiny, deadly creatures that can work together to move things, transmit thought, et cetera. People are a potential food source, and these things are ravenous. Turns out that the giant computer system that controls the entire library has been saving all its occupants to the system rather than letting them get eaten alive. So, it saves Donna, and she ends up in this computer system, sort of a virtual reality, where she meets this stuttering man, they get married, and they end up quite happy together.


So then, of course, in the end, everyone is released from the system because the library is safe from the creatures. So everyone is being teleported from the library to wherever they belong, after all these years of being in the computer, and Donna's looking around for her virtual husband. We see him get up on a teleporter, and as the operator starts the teleporter up, he spots her, and there's this crushing moment where he stutters so much that he can't get her name out in time to call out to her. You see the joy die in his eyes as he's teleported out, and all the while, Donna is looking in the other direction, trying to find him. This is (SPOILER OUTSIDE OF THIS EPISODE) the only person, in my opinion, that she ever really falls head-over-heels for, and she ends up deciding that he must not have been real--that he was just created by the system. They never see one another again. Two people, separated forever, because he wasn't able to call out to her. Two people with the potential to fall in love all over again, get married again, experience the joy of children again, with each other, and he disappears from her life in just a moment, because neither of them take the right action. She doesn't look, he doesn't just skip to the vowel.

Well, I came to making this entry because of something I must have written in the middle of the night, last month, in my phone's notepad:

"Aren't we all calling out with a stutter?"

Aren't we though?

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Tuesday. 1.29.13 9:08 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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lightbulb moment
Monday. 1.28.13 5:45 pm
We're in a giant hall at six o' clock, trying to find the non-alcoholic beverages table through a mass of students and their dates. I point him in the right direction, but there are a billion people in the way and we're about to fight our way through the crowd when he puts his hand out, and suddenly our fingers are laced.

That was the moment that later made him say exactly what I'd said, a week earlier, to someone entirely different: "We aren't friends."

I was probably asking for these results, going on a romantic weekend getaway to the snowy mountains of New York with a good friend and all his fantastic friends. But I figured, you know, life should be filled with opportunity, not fear and doubt. And that worked out.

Anyway, after a bunch of precious hand-holding, slow dancing, and now not-so-platonic bickering, we had a good talk and we're both getting exactly what we need: non-monogamous, non-committed, See Where These New Feelings Go (and if they go) And Take It From There BUT DON'T TELL ME ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE SERIOUSLY WHO DOES THAT flirting and dating. No pressure. If one of us wakes up tomorrow and is over all this, both of us can walk away fine, because there isn't anything solid there, yet, so friendship would be easy to go back to.

I just went from the most complicated situation to the easiest situation in the world (for me) in a week.

It's no big deal. Is it rebounding? Probably not, but who knows? Is it a good idea? No idea. Is it easy and non-stressful? Yes. I forgot how nice it was to be on the exact same page with someone.

I don't have to worry!

Photos from the formal probably in the next post?

Get ready to be overwhelmed with beauty, am I right??

**EDIT: After RJ's comment, I wanted to clarify--he lives a thousand miles away, although we do get to visit semi-regularly. It's purely a mental...thing, what we're doing.

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the best stock reaction photo
Wednesday. 1.23.13 9:25 pm

I'm starting a weekly tutoring thing with a friend, tomorrow. He's always flirted with me and we went to a movie, once, but that's about all there is to it. He's on the right track--I don't like the fast pace of dating right away then having that expectation of a relationship hanging over my head. Friends first and just seeing where things go is good. Subtle tension is good.

Bringing him cookies is smart.

I like feeding people. When my friends are sick, I feed them. When my friends are having a bad night, I feed them. When certain friends are quite...influenced, I definitely feed them. Every time I'm craving something sweet, I go ahead and bake a whole batch of cookies, because I know that someone's going to run into some roadblock and need some delicious chocolate chip walnut chewy cookies.

Today, for instance, my friend went to the hospital for several hours because something seems to be wrong with her brain (can you please not, universe?). She was in a bunch of pain, had an IV, the whole shebang, and of course that's worrying for me, especially because she's also an intern, and one of my other favorite interns/summer roommate was recently diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (CAN YOU PLEASE NOT, UNIVERSE?).


My heart is going to explode if anyone else in our little family gets diagnosed with anything serious.

Anyway, point is, I'd just made these kickass cookies, the night before, which was fantastic timing. Sometimes I could swear that my sweet tooth is really some sort of psychic link to people with current problems. Pop them in a bag with a few tea bags and a couple of cocoa packets, and you have a lovely little comfort package for someone who's gone through a hard day. I do it for the hugs. The hugs are lovely.

It's hard, finding the right friends who turn into family. When I find people I actually care about--people who get diagnosed and I immediately start crying, people who hurt and I hurt with them--I hold onto them. I take care of them. I make sure they know, even if it's just in the form of cookies, that they're important.

I make really great baked goods, so it's very apparent.

ANYWAY, the ORIGINAL point was that I'm starting to tutor this friend in Spanish, and man I love teaching. I would turn my university's language program upside-down if I was ever hired on as department head. The students I tutor get As. Period. Sure, it's different, when you have twenty to thirty students in each class, and are teaching four of five of those classes, but the way we teach Spanish, here, is just dead wrong. We don't put enough emphasis on conversational practice and real-world experience. We don't give our students concrete directions and enough reason to follow them. Even more than that, our books have all the directions in Spanish, after the 102 level, where students could REALLY use their directions in English until at least the major and minor track starts. After that, you're on your own, whatever, but for the students who are just trying to pass their twelve credit hours of language, the Spanish directions are just...superfluous.

At my last university, every Spanish beginner and intermediate course was four credit hours. You spend four hours every week in class in a sunny room, and most of the class time is group exercises and orally responding to questions with the professor. Homework is nightly but reviews very particular concepts that we studied, and the tests are cumulative with more points awarded to more recent lessons. There are several themed oral exams throughout the semester, for which we are painstakingly prepared.

--I'm sorry, I would continue on this topic which is probably boring, but I just got invited to go to a super formal military thing, this weekend?

In New York?


All expenses paid?

I'm getting treated to a ball in New York, this weekend, as of twenty minutes ago?



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