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January 2020

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She cried
Tuesday. 12.12.06 8:26 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

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without words
Sunday. 12.10.06 3:22 pm

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Let's get it on
Saturday. 12.9.06 9:16 pm
High Fidelity.
I love that movie. John Cusacks character in that movie is who I want to marry. It doesn't hurt matters much that I've had a 'celebrity crush' on him since Sixteen Candles though. The way the movie is done, the plot of it, the way it goes through his head, his THOUGHTS. It's awesome.
This isn't a clip of 'John' though, oh no. It is however a clip of Jack Black singing "Let's get it on" which is well worth a looksie. Jack Black is another kid that just for whatever reason...I dunno. One of the main reasons I want to see "The Holiday" is the Kate Winslet/Jack Black hook up. It intrigues me.

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Coming clean
Saturday. 12.9.06 2:47 pm
I raced along an empty highway.
I chased the dawn
And cursed the new day,
Out of town, till nobody was around.

Love came along, my favorite enemy,
We hit head-on.
Why you befriended me... I don't know.
There's no need for letting go
When you've already lost control.

My life is open wide
The more you live, the less you will die.
Outside, floating free,
I'm finally open to see...
Could you be any more comfort to me?

Could you be...

You've figured out the warnings
And the reasons why,
You smoothed me out.
I hope you know there's nothing
I could give,
For showing me how to live.

I don't know how
But you know just how I feel.
Sticking out,
Like a dark horse in a snow white field.
Stirred up by the breeze,
Strong but not at peace,
Free but unreleased.

My life is open wide
The more you live, the less you will die.
Outside, floating free,
I'm finally open to see...
Could you be any more comfort to me?
Could you be any more comfort to me?

Caught up inside, all I wanna be...
Try to survive, all alone,
Outside your company.

Could you be any more comfort to me?
Could you be any more comfort to me?

I told my mom everything. Everything. Ok, maybe not "everything" everything, but enough for her to know how and why. Which is what matters. She took it far better than I would have thought. She's deffinately dissapointed in me but not to the extent I was worried that she could have been. I also told my brother. For some reason lately he's been getting on my nerves - something's different and I don't know what. I'll talk to him when I get home. All three of us decided not to tell my father. He won't find out till after the holidays - because if he found out before hand NO ONE would have a decent holiday. I also don't want to deal with my grandmother when she comes down - love the woman...but she's as snotty as someone can get while pretending not to be. My mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas this morning - I laughed and said 'forgiveness', she returned the laughter and said 'always'. I would have asked for understanding from my father - but there's only so much that one can realistically hope for. I also told her contacts. She said that's a good idea. For the past year or so everyone has been telling me that contacts would be a good idea. *shrug* No harm in at least giving it a shot right?

I'm still undecided about staying in Denton or returning to Laredo. It seems to me that Denton is the most probable - financially and scholastically. I don't want to risk returning home and never mustering enough courage to venture back out again. Not that that seems likely in the least bit, but I tend to worry - alot.

Finals are this week. My first is on Monday and then I have Russian History on Thursday along with World History on Friday. I have alot to do between now and when I go home. Take finals, meet with advisors, check on deadlines of all sorts, see what'll happen with my apartment....stuff in general. I also have to send out the RSVP to Lauren's wedding and find a dress. I mean, I have dresses - but due to finals and lack of funds - they don't fit anymore which is *bliss*.

Christmas is upon us as well. I haven't felt the force of it seeing as the only christmas decorations i've come in contact with have been a christmas tree in the window of one of my neighbors, and lights that I randomly see around town. I'm not sure I'm going to have enough money for decent christmas gifts this year - but I have a relatively decent idea. I just hope I can find the time and effort.

I believe somehow someway - I'm silently going insane. I can't make sense of it - and I can explain it in even less sense than it makes in my head. See, I'm not even sure that was a decent sentence. I want to write it down, but before I start complaining to the vast nothingness that is the internet I'd like to make a fool of myself in the real world....or do i? sense sense sense - how you elude me to end. I hate you.

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