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Monday. 2.4.13 4:12 pm

I'm too busy studying for my test, so I'm just going to post a stock photo of my emotions for the day.


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time to kick down some borders, hello world
Sunday. 2.3.13 3:51 pm

The one thing I absolutely didn't expect from my trip to New York was to feel that old addiction pop back up. Dragging the suitcase, printing the tickets from the kiosk, going through security, finding the gate, sitting, waiting, waiting, waiting, the boarding call, the whole flight safety spiel, liftoff, watching the clouds and the giant stretches of city and grass and suburbs, landing, emerging in a different place, absorbing, and then that great and relieving ride home.

All of it. I don't even mind security--it's so easy, if you have the good sense to pack light, dress in easy-to-remove shoes and coats, and keep all your liquids in the outer compartment. Just being in New York and experiencing something new is something I didn't realize I'd missed until I got to the airport and thought, Right--flying, traveling.

I suppose I just forgot.

I used to be adventurous, and then I started changing my priorities. It wasn't worth it. It's time to return to the better years of spontaneity, travel, and fearlessness--before the monster in my closet, before the lone wolf, before decisions such as this one were hard to make. Keep all the wisdom and none of the fear. My best friendships have lasted over hundreds of miles of distance and months of separation--there is absolutely nothing to fear, when something is meant to work. Put in the effort, but wander freely.

It feels like it's been years that my alarm's been going off. A part of me was always trying to shake me awake. Stop hitting snooze, get up, get a shower, and see the world, you idiot.


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a recipe because I'm trying to study
Saturday. 2.2.13 2:46 pm


If you're like me, you're going to want to prepare the black beans from dry, so rinse them out and let those soak overnight, covered, in the fridge, with the water rising just a bit above the beans.

Then drain them, the next day, rinse them, and pop them in a pan with water...boil that till they're soft like baked beans. Mince some onion and garlic, chop some green pepper. Have that ready when you start draining your beans. Pop all of it in a mixing bowl, salt and pepper to taste, then either use a masher like a punk or wait till the beans are cool enough and get in there with your hands (because it's so satisfying, come on). Get it all mashed up with some beans still intact. Add breadcrumbs (unseasoned) if the mixture feels too moist, but usually it's going to be pretty decent, right off the bat, so add slowly.

Then heat up your vegetable oil in a pan (or whatever you kids use to feel healthier--I hate canola oil, sorry), form some of the mix into a patty, and heat until a nice, crispy shade of brown.

After that...it's your burger. But I like to put it on one of those whole grain, thin sandwich rounds with some shredded cheese and a dollop of sour cream.

I make a batch for like ten burgers and keep it in the fridge, because it definitely takes a good, long while for this stuff to spoil. Yum.


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left unsaid
Friday. 2.1.13 1:10 am

Guys I don't think I'll be able to keep the writing up for a whole month.

I don't know if anyone here watches Doctor Who... It's good. I like it. This has super spoilers about a two-part episode ("Forest of the Dead" and...??).

So there's this two-parter where the Doctor and Donna visit this library, and there end up being these tiny, deadly creatures that can work together to move things, transmit thought, et cetera. People are a potential food source, and these things are ravenous. Turns out that the giant computer system that controls the entire library has been saving all its occupants to the system rather than letting them get eaten alive. So, it saves Donna, and she ends up in this computer system, sort of a virtual reality, where she meets this stuttering man, they get married, and they end up quite happy together.


So then, of course, in the end, everyone is released from the system because the library is safe from the creatures. So everyone is being teleported from the library to wherever they belong, after all these years of being in the computer, and Donna's looking around for her virtual husband. We see him get up on a teleporter, and as the operator starts the teleporter up, he spots her, and there's this crushing moment where he stutters so much that he can't get her name out in time to call out to her. You see the joy die in his eyes as he's teleported out, and all the while, Donna is looking in the other direction, trying to find him. This is (SPOILER OUTSIDE OF THIS EPISODE) the only person, in my opinion, that she ever really falls head-over-heels for, and she ends up deciding that he must not have been real--that he was just created by the system. They never see one another again. Two people, separated forever, because he wasn't able to call out to her. Two people with the potential to fall in love all over again, get married again, experience the joy of children again, with each other, and he disappears from her life in just a moment, because neither of them take the right action. She doesn't look, he doesn't just skip to the vowel.

Well, I came to making this entry because of something I must have written in the middle of the night, last month, in my phone's notepad:

"Aren't we all calling out with a stutter?"

Aren't we though?

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