Thursday. 6.17.04 2:58 pm its only past one dae..time passes too slow now.
jus wanna thank all my love ones hu r concern bout me. tho i'm sad, i'm reali glad to receive those msgs n comments. thanx. i'm tryin to be alrite..but well, obviously its not easy de.
wen out wif vivian yest to acid bar..was tokin bout me n him from how we got togeda till today..this bar is de place tt i wanted to go wif dearie all along. cos i managed to get de uob mini card, n they offer cheaper rates at de bar. he was so happy, so we planned to go there. hai, but din had de chance.
ordered quite a lot..cos they had 1-for-1. stayed there for kinda long too..about 4 hrs? haha..vivian wanted to c her dear, so we wen to the levis @ Heerens. *envious* hope they wun end up like me.. :)
we stayed near each other, so got home togeda by train. only took different bus. i was very tired cos of de alcohol. b4 i slept, one of my colleague msg me. sigh.. was tokin to her bout this n she told me bout hers too. she had a time-out period wif her bf too but they got bk togeda. hai, but mine already 2nd time. guess tis time is for real le, tho i'm hopin its not. sigh..but wad to do?
managed to slp quite awhile last nite, cos brain dead already. prevented myself from crying. intended to mit him today after work..but he told me he got things on. he's going out wif his frenz, n i immediately wondered if ita a ger? hai.. it mite be not..but it mite also be true..*heart-broken*
he told me he can mit me tml instead. ur muz b tinkin i shld feel happy, since he's at least willing to mit me..but i'm jus afraid he'll last minute sae cant..sigh, jus hope he doesn't.
had my lunch jus now..forced myself to eat cos my frenz all ordered..tho de food was like tasteless. found out tt another of my fren was wif her bf for 4 yrs, with some on-off period. she said they break den patch, break den patch. hai..
Actually..something came to my mind..i was like wondeering, firstly, if let sae one dae, he decides to cum bk to me, shld i accept everythg bk or shld i sae a no to him jus to prevent myself from getting hurt again tho i stil hab feelings for him? secondly, shld i stop contacting him from tis very moment n treat it as we nv met b4? (being frenz is a bit out of de Q for me..cos..i cant make myself to do tt..to treat him as my FREN..)i'm so confused about wad i shld do..
i'm so hapi for one of my colleague..she took half dae today n leave tml cos, her bf is coming bk from australia! they hav been togeda for 6 yrs! oh my, i'm simply too hapi for dem. guess they are jus meant to be..not like me n him.. :(
no one is free today..either workin or got things on..guess i gotta go home den. was tinkin of going to de gym..but i will stil be reminded..will imagine tt he's there..zzz..life sucks like hell. do anythg also lidat.
tml..manager say he's gonna put me to try telesales in de call centre.. hai, dunno gd or bad. cant bring fone in. anyway, my fone doesnt ring now. so wad de hell. but i dun like to make calls. i cant surf de net too. n i dun even get de commission if i manage to clinch de sale! so wad for rite? hai..*cheap labour*
my driving will be delayed awhile cos i cancelled a number of dem..like about 5? not in de mood to go at tis moment..tt dae almost kena accident..heng brake in time damn hard. if not i tink i wun be here le. the stupid car in front of me gave de wrong signal n i was like at dunno 3rd or 4th gear..too fast to stop!
father's day is coming but i haven gotten any gift yet..shit! was suppose to buy like few daes ago wif dearie..but all these thing happen..hai..mayb i'll buy tml.. tink tis mth my sms-es confirm a lot..sigh. :(
i miss him..i miss him..! yest he told me he saw my father..they board de same lift.. (they workin in de same bldg)..he said my father din seem hapi to c him, so he jus kept quiet. hai..i jus listened, din make any comments.. such thngs can jus happen, n without u knowing it, u can be like so-close n de next moment, like so distant. as if friends become stranger. its sad to hear tt.
i miss going to his hse for dinner..*sob sob* who can understand my sorrows..
gotta go bk to work for awhile..hope everyone be a happy soul, not like me.. :0
Comment! (7) | Recommend! Wednesday. 6.16.04 7:41 am tears rolled down my cheeks from 16/6 1230am..i couldnt stop..i reali couldnt..
i guess dearie n i officially broke up at tt moment. de time i cried my heart out. yesterday i wen for my driving, while dearie wen out wif his frenz. i was unable to contact him cos his phone was low batt. cld only waited til he came home. i met up wif vivian for a drink after my driving as i was feeli down. i'd tis gut feelin tt sth was goin to happen but she kept askin me to b positive. i tried. i wen home eargerly waiting for his call.
de moment he called, he said "i got sth to tel u". tis phrase already scare de hell out of my mind. i knew wad he was goin to say. he said he'd tout it over n decided tt it wld be best for us to b apart. he told me he felt pressurised. all i cld do was cry.. ya, i noe i'm so weak. i noe i cant do wifout him. i felt so helpless! i noe u must b tinkin i'm crazy. but c'mon, having someone u love by ur side for 2 yrs & now he's jus gonna leave u, is no joke. all de memories we had of each other. de funny times, de happy times. as well as de sad times. it all makes up our love. we were supposed to mit today, but ..
to tink he can jus forgo tis relationship lidat, i felt so unimportant, so worthless to him. we stand by each other thru thick n thin, & now, i dunno how i gonna survive wif all de obstacles.
he doesnt wan to c me, doesnt wan to tok to me. in short, he doesnt wan me anymore!! i'm used to receiving his sms-es, calls, & hanging ard wif him. life is not gonna be de same from tis second. i'm tryin to b strong..yet i hope a miracle happens..tt he suddenly realise how impt i m to him..mayb miracles only happen to gd pple, n i'm not one of dem..
i've yet to sing de song he like..to plap de song he like..to celebrate his next bdae.. xmas..n many many more occasions.. ppl say one party leave de other cos de other party did not treasure him/her enuf..but i did! i reali did treasure! how cum all these will stil fuckin happen..
we even plan to go on holiday tis yr..now my hopes are vanished into de air.. i wish it was jus a nightmare, tt everythg will stil b like normal..
all de time spent togeda is stil so vivid in my mind. i dunno how long i gonna take to forget everythg. heaven, pls dun play a fool wif me next time. if we arent meant to be, dun make us noe each other in de first place! it hurts! it reali hurts! Comment! (6) | Recommend! Tuesday. 6.15.04 9:46 am Tuesday. 6.15.04 12:12 am de hope vanishes...
jus got back from my driving. i felt quite satisfied today after not driving for 1 wk. de instructor made me feel so gd, tt i feel tt it was worth making de trip down. he said my performance was quite gd. hee. it jus simply made my dae. covered all de bad times today.
not to mention work..it was as sucky as usual. wen is it ever gd man? tt 'HE' claimed tt i was his wife..pls fuk off! he sae his chest very pain (and mind u, he din sae chest! he said another more disgusting word for it which i shant mention here!) den ask me to massage for him...omg, disgusted!!
had a tiff wif dearie again. damn jialat, kp quarreling these few daes. was supposed to mit him for dinner den head for our driving lesson at 8.50. but, he, de forgetful one, forgotten to bring his driving book! which reali irritate me cos its not de first time le! he's always so forgetful. even wen i remind him, stil forget. so our plans were like screwed so i flare up. i scolded him & we argued. he said he had enuf of me & all de quarrels so he initiated de END. i was so damn piss cos instead of apologizing, he resorted to tt, so fine! so be it! mayb tis will be a lesson to him, cos he nv seem to learn! i wen home in de end for dinner. stayed home & started to tink about how we started..de time togeda n everythg. i cldnt seem to find a proper solution, jus cried, lookin at de computer screen while tokin to my fren on msn. sometimes, u feel jus like u r not appreciated. u did so much for the other party, but end up? dearie's bdae is in Sep, but i've already started to save up n plan stuff, so tt it will be a surprise for him. i dun like last min things. i do these every yr, but i do wonder if he ever wonders how much effort it takes for me to do everythg. its not easy at all. making reservation. bookings n stuff. all i ask for is him to be happy, to hav me. is tt so difficult? *cries*
u noe wad fukin reason he said wen we were quarrelin? he told me, mayb our characters clashed?! wad de %@$$^%^%!!! pls la, if our characters clashed, wun even last for so long already! stil wait until now den break?
i told him to tink over wad he wans n tt i wun force him if he reali wans to end cos its no point if its one-sided. i was contemplating whether to go to my driving or not cos de mood was reali not there. considering de fact tt my parents $$ wld be wasted, i wen for it. i saw him there too. i din noe wad to sae, cos i was unsure of our status at tt moment. after our driving, tho we communicated, we din held hands. sad u cld sae, i was too loss for words. took de train home all by myself..looking at couples..feelin envious of dem..
he msg me, n told me tt he stil wanted de relationship. i dunno whether to feel hapi or not. cos it was so weird jus now. de feelin is like not rite at all. this few daes hav been like a rain n shine period..my eyes r tired from crying..i dun wan to lie to myself but i reali hav lose some hope in this relationship. jus hav to live day by dae.. seriously, i dun wan to place such high hope anymore, cos it will only make me more depressed...we even made plans to get married and all tt stuff.. hai. dun wanna tink about it anymore. wen u tout he's de dream of ur life.. sometimes, heaven is jus playin a fool wif u.. Comment! (2) | Recommend! Monday. 6.14.04 11:37 am hmm.. i tink i shld b feelin happy rite now..i'm not gonna enter de call centre (manager was jus playin a trick on me!) so tis means tt i stil can cum online n on msn..haha *cheeky* plus, i only hav to stay in tis company for another 2 weeks, n i can say sayonara! lol..its true tt i cant wait for tt, but at de same time, i do miz my frenz ya.
zz..i wonder if my timetable is out yet..sigh, hope its not hectic man. projects n stuff will make me die. no break. but despite tt, i'm kinda lookin forward to sch. heh heh.
feelin quite lazy today..everytime its monday, i always feel like cancelling my driving lesson..sigh. but nono, cant waste my parents $$...zzz...i had such a boring weekend, so tis week must go happening a bit. haha. c how i guess.
shit. i tink i opened too many IE on tis office computer tt it is starting to pop up a lot of small windows. n de big prob is tt i cant close dem! it jus kp poping out! & one of dem i tink its some porn thingy. shit shit shit!! hey,if u r starting to tink $%#$%!@# about me, dun get de wrong idea. i din enter there. i'm not so stupid la huh? i was doing my stuff n it jus pop up from no where! seriously! i tried restarting de com, but once i enter IE, it comes out again! argh... Comment! (2) | Recommend! Sunday. 6.13.04 8:55 pm wow, everyone is outside? no one online huh? hmm, or mayb they are all watching de Euro soccer..haha. or perhaps sleeping? hmm....
anyway i jus got home, feelin very satisfied cos...i wen shopping! hee.and whatsmore, i managed to pull myself to de gym today! gee. *grinz* accompanied my parents to de market today, den headed to de gym. de feelin is so gd man. i must continue tis lifestlye. haha, but i dun tink i got such strong determination.
was slacking at home, until late afternoon tt i got out of de hse. rem i was supposed to celebrate earli Father's Day? so my family headed to Plaza Singapura to 'walk walk' cos it was stil earli for dinner. actually i din reali like PS cos there nth to walk one..heh heh, but i bought some stuff from GG! a tube, a pants, n a sleeveless top. most at 50%! my sis n mum also bought! geez.
after tt, we wen to Raflles City cos i needed to get my make-up stuff at Robinsons. hehe, i finally bought a new Shu Uemura eyeshadow & a lisptick from Dior! its receommended from a magazine, so i wanna try it out! de salesger was very nice & friendly, so i felt so happy buying from dem! :) de pic looks blur on my digi cam, so not gonna post it here.
we left soon n wen off to Novena for dinner. my mum had placed a reservation at some Peach Restaurant. haha, we were damn earli. erm, de earli bird catches de worm? it became very crowded ard 7..mostly families. hmm, de food there only average i feel, plus de food was very pricy! 5 ppl already cost us like 230! & seriously, we din ordered much! all of us were like perhaps 3/4 full. well, tt kind of place can only go like once in a yr...lol..*not recommended*
brother left off after dinner as he wanted to go home first. my sis n i hanged ard de shopping centre wif my parents. bought a top from Fond Hugs too. i reali love their clothes! its unique! there's tis bag which is like suitable for party, but my mum said it was too ex, not worth it...so..sob sob..din buy..
she told me another bag shop Xcessories was having greater sale, so i bought stuff there instead. bags were going at like 30% for de first, n 50% for de second. hehe, so my sis bought too to enjoy de discount! plus some necklace too. great buy yeah? de rest ..jus my eyebrow pencil, n eyeliner..haha, nth much la.
was about to mit up wif one of my fren, but er, he was stil asleep jus now! lol.. so its ok la, another day perhaps. i jus headed back home. can rest earli too. nite nite everybody. may u hav de sweetest dream tonite! :) Comment! (1) | Recommend! |