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Thursday. 3.5.15 6:01 pm
It has been such a long week. I'm thoroughly convinced that I went drinking on the wrong night. I mean, clearly I was meant to go drinking on Tuesday night, otherwise it wouldn't have happened, but still. Most people say "it's been one of those days" ... well, this has been one of those weeks. And there's still tomorrow. But thankfully tomorrow is the final day of the week and 5pm could not come fast enough.

I'm in for the rest of the night, which is fine. I'm broke so I haven't a clue what I'd be doing anyway. But the bra has been removed and the pajama shorts have been put on so by those standards, I'm in for the remainder of the evening. Tomorrow will probably be the same. Hell, I may even go to bed early tonight and tomorrow. We'll see how I feel.

No plans for the weekend. I had one plan, but it's been postponed until next weekend. So laundry is the only thing I have to do between Saturday or Sunday. Sleep is definitely on the agenda for the weekend.

I'll keep this one short since there's really nothing to talk about. Work has just been extra annoying this week and my fried brain is ready for a break. Or alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.

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Driven to drink
Tuesday. 3.3.15 8:48 pm
For the 3rd time in the two months that I've been doing this job, I've been in high need of a drink after work. The difference between this and the need to drink while I was in security is that I can wait until after work. When I was in security, I was wishing that the water dispenser dispensed vodka instead.

I met up with a friend at a pub in Fremont and we had food and a couple drinks. It was a nice way to blow off steam. I ranted about work and the beer was able to calm the nerves. He's one of those friends where I could hang out with him and lose hours of the day and not even notice. As much of a pain in the ass he is, it's important to have people like that in your life.

Tomorrow is Wednesday, halfway through the week. I have tentative plans for this weekend, but I'm thinking of postponing them. I've been busy almost every weekend for the past couple months and I'd really like to have another weekend of just nothing; where the only thing I do is laundry. We'll see how I feel in a couple days.

In the meantime, I'm going to watch the new episode of The Following and call it a night. I'll be getting up early to shower and wash my hair, since it's a bit late and I don't feel like going to sleep with my hair wet.

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Hiatus mix up.
Sunday. 3.1.15 3:21 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Acute awareness and vague memories
Saturday. 2.21.15 10:03 am
It's funny how the brain works. Why do we pick up on certain things, remember some things for eternity and yet other things just simply slip by? We've learned that "blacking out" when drunk isn't actually us blacking out; it's our brains refusing to form new memories in an effort to protect us from ourselves. But why do you remember certain things, that don't seem terribly relevant, for long periods of time after the event has occurred, yet other things that you wish so hard to remember, are just a fuzzy blur? Almost as if you've put your glasses down and the clarity is gone. You can still see the object, but a lot of the details are missing. Or, depending on the distance relation to the blindness, you may not even be able to distinguish that the object is what you want to believe it to be.

This has been happening to me a lot recently. There are certain things that are sticking out relatively clearly in my mind, down to the intricate details, and I really hope I never lose them. I managed almost 5 months without losing the details and although they've changed slightly since the original memory was formed, I've managed to rewrite it a little to match the present.

Other things like driving somewhere, remembering memories that are tied to the routes that I'm taking, maybe even conversations that were had. Or walking the same route, seeing something that someone else mentioned, will now stand out to you even when you're driving and not paying close enough attention to the area, like what happens most of the time when you're driving and must remain focused on the road. A friend mentions a place and suddenly you see that place every time you go past it, when you had no idea of its existence prior to them mentioning it.

Another situation is when you have a memory tied to a place, but when you go back to that place, you know the memories are clear, but what you're seeing now doesn't look anything like what you remember. It could have had something to do with the time of day being different between each time, but you'd like to think that at least something would feel the same. So now you have two memories of the same place.

So we continue on throughout our daily lives, trying like hell to take it all in for later. Or becoming suddenly aware of something we never even realized existed.

It's funny how the brain works.

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To be determined
Thursday. 2.19.15 8:08 pm
After staring at the screen for 5 minutes and coming up with nothing, I settled on the above title. It will forever remain "to be determined" because I will never come back in and change it.

I finally went to bed at a reasonable hour last night, {ie: before 10:30} and yet I was still awake at 3, 4, 5:30 and 6:30. I don't get it. I felt better last night. I wasn't super pissed at nothing in particular and I felt relaxed and tired enough for all the thoughts in my brain to slow enough to let me fall asleep easy enough. Yet I was still awake far earlier than I should have and couldn't stay back asleep. I'm very glad tomorrow is Friday. It means I'll get to sleep in for the two days following. And take naps whenever I please. They tend to frown on you doing that at work.

I'm actually pretty excited that next week is the last week in February. It means that come March 1st, I'll be able to buy more contacts because my insurance will have finally kicked in. I don't wear them often, but I like having the option of being able to wear them if I want. Having only 2 more pairs of trial versions means that I'm limited. So if I want to wear them this weekend, then that's it. No more until I get more. It's like wearing that favorite outfit or pair of undies. Once it's been worn, that's it until you do laundry. So you better make sure you wore them at the right time. Either way, I digress. I'm just looking forward to being able to get more.

Since I went out after work tonight, I'm not sure yet if I'm tired enough to go to bed early or if I'll end up being awake longer than I should be. Regardless, I'll probably come home tomorrow and most likely end up in bed early. So even if I don't sleep well tonight, I don't have any plans so sleep is pretty much it.

Until then. . .

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1556
Tuesday. 2.17.15 7:00 pm
For some strange reason, I thought I had more entries than this. . . Then again, I did at one point have more, but they've since been deleted. It's probably for the best anyway. The entries back then were quite depressing and rather repetitive.

I did some exploring yesterday. On previous recommendation from an old friend, I took a trip out to the Luna Park Cafe and had what's called the Elvis waffle. It's a giant, fluffy waffle with peanut butter, bananas and bacon. It was tasty and incredibly filling. I'm glad I didn't eat breakfast before going there. Afterward, I drove a little bit and parked by Marination Ma Kai then proceeded to walk north. I stopped at quite a few points to take pictures of Seattle. The sky was blue with white, hazy clouds spotted here and there, the sun shining through when it could. That, combined with the cool breeze coming off the water, provided for quite the comfortable atmosphere.

I made my way around to Luna Park, took pictures of the clear view of the Olympic Mountains, with a sad excuse for snow capped tops and decided to make my way back to the car. I walked quite a bit father than I thought so I was glad I didn't go much farther. I got back to my car and decided to drive around to the Alki Beach Park side of West Seattle. Thanks to the weather, there were a lot of people on the beach so parking was sparse. I decided to just keep going and found my way lost in a residential part of West Seattle, since the road just follows along the shoreline. I finally got to a point that looked safe to turn back at, without getting me more lost and I eventually made my way back to the freeway.

It was the first time in a long while where I went exploring uncharted territory alone. I invited someone, but instead of staying in like I normally do when turned down, I went anyway. I'm glad I did. It's something that I don't do often, but it was a nice change.

Since then, however, or shortly after I got home, I started feeling annoyed. As the night progressed, I became more and more miffed. I'm fairly certain that's why I didn't sleep very well last night. It's also probably why I wasn't very talkative today or in the mood to even pretend to be okay with people's jokes on the phone. I was probably more short with some people than I should have been. I have a strong feeling it's going to carry over in to tomorrow as well ... it's probably a good thing that this is a short week. I may have to go for a long drive this weekend if it doesn't subside.

I'm not sure why I'm so agitated, which in turn makes me more so just because I don't know why. Gotta love the vicious circle of emotion. This is either going to get worse, until I fuck up and then get upset. Or something will happen and I'll suddenly snap out of it and not have any idea why I was even ticked in the first place.

Any bets on which it'll be?

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