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Hello :]
i'm over everything that happened.
Saturday. 6.25.11 3:59 am
about a year ago, one of my best friends and the guy that i totally was head over heels for started dating. They still are to this day. I'm happy they are really happy. And to be honest, I am over everything. I do not have any hope in a relationship with him, nor do I ever want sloppy seconds or anything.

But sometimes, I wonder: does she care about him as much as I did when I liked him? I know they are together, so ofcourse she cares and loves the guy. But when it comes down to it, who has (had in my case) more feelings for him? Mine was unconditional. No matter how rude he was to me, I cared about him, and I still was madly infatuated with him. I was naive and stupid for that, I know. But it was how I felt for this guy.

And so, listening to this song made me think of it all. This song really is how I felt when I found out everything. This is what I felt when I saw them for the first time together.

I don't doubt her love for him, I don't at all. But I think that I my devotion to this guy was deep. I hope that one day [after college, so I don't get distracted!] a guy will come into my life and have as much devotion for me as I do for him. It would be even, it would be something new to experience as well.

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Thursday. 6.23.11 9:16 pm
so i found out one of my friends went pretty far with her boyfriend in the bedroom. no sex, but boundaries were crossed. I mean, yeah, sex is something everyone has or will experience one day, but that's what I am worried about for myself.

See, my friend is the purest of the pure. Sweet, loving, and always watches out for boundaries. But just one time, and it led to her doing something she partially felt was wrong. we both are for having sex after marriage, and this happened just one random day.

Well, she is very responsible, and I am not. I am reckless, live for the moment, and I never think of the consequences. If my friend, who thinks about the future can get caught up in a situation like hers, then doesn't that mean that I am more susceptible to accidentally going all the way with my future boyfriend?

I know sex is something that a lot of people have. But personally, I truly want to wait until marriage. It just worries me how easy it is to get caught up in sexual acts. When I have my next boyfriend, I hope we have boundaries, and stick by them until we are married (if I marry him).

I am not condemning anyone who is having sex before marriage, or have gotten close to it. I am just saying, that if other people who are more careful than I that have a desire to save themselves but STILL get caught up in this, then I am in some deep waters when I am in a relationship.

I guess I'll just need some mad boundaries, like we could only be in a room alone together for a limited time. Or maybe, that only one of us can be on the bed while the other is sitting in a chair. Ha, yeah, those are weird boundaries. But I guess, whatever it takes right? It's easy though, to make these boundaries when you are not in a relationship. But once you are in love and such, boundaries easily go out the window. And that is what I fear >.<

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