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Hiatus mix up.
Sunday. 3.1.15 3:21 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Acute awareness and vague memories
Saturday. 2.21.15 10:03 am
It's funny how the brain works. Why do we pick up on certain things, remember some things for eternity and yet other things just simply slip by? We've learned that "blacking out" when drunk isn't actually us blacking out; it's our brains refusing to form new memories in an effort to protect us from ourselves. But why do you remember certain things, that don't seem terribly relevant, for long periods of time after the event has occurred, yet other things that you wish so hard to remember, are just a fuzzy blur? Almost as if you've put your glasses down and the clarity is gone. You can still see the object, but a lot of the details are missing. Or, depending on the distance relation to the blindness, you may not even be able to distinguish that the object is what you want to believe it to be.

This has been happening to me a lot recently. There are certain things that are sticking out relatively clearly in my mind, down to the intricate details, and I really hope I never lose them. I managed almost 5 months without losing the details and although they've changed slightly since the original memory was formed, I've managed to rewrite it a little to match the present.

Other things like driving somewhere, remembering memories that are tied to the routes that I'm taking, maybe even conversations that were had. Or walking the same route, seeing something that someone else mentioned, will now stand out to you even when you're driving and not paying close enough attention to the area, like what happens most of the time when you're driving and must remain focused on the road. A friend mentions a place and suddenly you see that place every time you go past it, when you had no idea of its existence prior to them mentioning it.

Another situation is when you have a memory tied to a place, but when you go back to that place, you know the memories are clear, but what you're seeing now doesn't look anything like what you remember. It could have had something to do with the time of day being different between each time, but you'd like to think that at least something would feel the same. So now you have two memories of the same place.

So we continue on throughout our daily lives, trying like hell to take it all in for later. Or becoming suddenly aware of something we never even realized existed.

It's funny how the brain works.

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To be determined
Thursday. 2.19.15 8:08 pm
After staring at the screen for 5 minutes and coming up with nothing, I settled on the above title. It will forever remain "to be determined" because I will never come back in and change it.

I finally went to bed at a reasonable hour last night, {ie: before 10:30} and yet I was still awake at 3, 4, 5:30 and 6:30. I don't get it. I felt better last night. I wasn't super pissed at nothing in particular and I felt relaxed and tired enough for all the thoughts in my brain to slow enough to let me fall asleep easy enough. Yet I was still awake far earlier than I should have and couldn't stay back asleep. I'm very glad tomorrow is Friday. It means I'll get to sleep in for the two days following. And take naps whenever I please. They tend to frown on you doing that at work.

I'm actually pretty excited that next week is the last week in February. It means that come March 1st, I'll be able to buy more contacts because my insurance will have finally kicked in. I don't wear them often, but I like having the option of being able to wear them if I want. Having only 2 more pairs of trial versions means that I'm limited. So if I want to wear them this weekend, then that's it. No more until I get more. It's like wearing that favorite outfit or pair of undies. Once it's been worn, that's it until you do laundry. So you better make sure you wore them at the right time. Either way, I digress. I'm just looking forward to being able to get more.

Since I went out after work tonight, I'm not sure yet if I'm tired enough to go to bed early or if I'll end up being awake longer than I should be. Regardless, I'll probably come home tomorrow and most likely end up in bed early. So even if I don't sleep well tonight, I don't have any plans so sleep is pretty much it.

Until then. . .

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Tuesday. 2.17.15 7:00 pm
For some strange reason, I thought I had more entries than this. . . Then again, I did at one point have more, but they've since been deleted. It's probably for the best anyway. The entries back then were quite depressing and rather repetitive.

I did some exploring yesterday. On previous recommendation from an old friend, I took a trip out to the Luna Park Cafe and had what's called the Elvis waffle. It's a giant, fluffy waffle with peanut butter, bananas and bacon. It was tasty and incredibly filling. I'm glad I didn't eat breakfast before going there. Afterward, I drove a little bit and parked by Marination Ma Kai then proceeded to walk north. I stopped at quite a few points to take pictures of Seattle. The sky was blue with white, hazy clouds spotted here and there, the sun shining through when it could. That, combined with the cool breeze coming off the water, provided for quite the comfortable atmosphere.

I made my way around to Luna Park, took pictures of the clear view of the Olympic Mountains, with a sad excuse for snow capped tops and decided to make my way back to the car. I walked quite a bit father than I thought so I was glad I didn't go much farther. I got back to my car and decided to drive around to the Alki Beach Park side of West Seattle. Thanks to the weather, there were a lot of people on the beach so parking was sparse. I decided to just keep going and found my way lost in a residential part of West Seattle, since the road just follows along the shoreline. I finally got to a point that looked safe to turn back at, without getting me more lost and I eventually made my way back to the freeway.

It was the first time in a long while where I went exploring uncharted territory alone. I invited someone, but instead of staying in like I normally do when turned down, I went anyway. I'm glad I did. It's something that I don't do often, but it was a nice change.

Since then, however, or shortly after I got home, I started feeling annoyed. As the night progressed, I became more and more miffed. I'm fairly certain that's why I didn't sleep very well last night. It's also probably why I wasn't very talkative today or in the mood to even pretend to be okay with people's jokes on the phone. I was probably more short with some people than I should have been. I have a strong feeling it's going to carry over in to tomorrow as well ... it's probably a good thing that this is a short week. I may have to go for a long drive this weekend if it doesn't subside.

I'm not sure why I'm so agitated, which in turn makes me more so just because I don't know why. Gotta love the vicious circle of emotion. This is either going to get worse, until I fuck up and then get upset. Or something will happen and I'll suddenly snap out of it and not have any idea why I was even ticked in the first place.

Any bets on which it'll be?

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Sunday. 2.15.15 10:33 pm
Friday night was alright ... it could have ended with a better atmosphere, but whatever. I'm kind of glad that it ended the way it did. I met up with my friend by work and we walked to this place called Poquitos. It's a fancier-than-it-sounds Mexican joint with reasonably priced and delicious food. We were there for probably an hour just chatting it up and kind of getting to know each other a bit more, since this was the first time we'd had the chance to hang out. After that, we made our way to Broadway and over to the Laughing Buddha, in hopes that they were doing a Friday the 13th tattoo special; they weren't. Which is fine. Another thing I'm kind of glad happened that way.

My friend wanted to locate a good bar so that we could drink, so we continued down Broadway to the Bait Shop. It's loud and small, but the drinks are good and the food isn't half bad. He was texting his friends for most of the time spent there; they were telling him all about how much fun they were having at this club downtown. He wanted to go, which I was fine with, but when I told him I wasn't going to dance, he kind of got pissed off. Then something happened with his cousin and he had to go take care of that. It was starting to get late at this point, and he got even more agitated when I told him I wasn't going to go with him to a city 30 minutes away.

While walking back toward the cars, he stopped to talk to a friend he saw and instead of awkwardly just standing there listening to the conversation, I ditched him by heading in to my work to use the bathroom. I actually stayed in there for a good while in hopes that he'd just give up waiting on me and leave. At first I thought it had worked because when I left, he was gone. I walked back to my car feeling only a tiny bit bad. So I sent him a text telling him sorry, that I was in there longer than anticipated and hoped he had a good night. I get to my car and he happened to be across the street looking for me. We hug and he tried one more time to convince me to go with him, to which I firmly declined.

I haven't heard from him since. Yet another part I'm okay with.

Yesterday I spent the morning sleeping in and worked up the motivation to go grocery shopping during the late morning. After I got home and had something to eat, I made the spontaneous decision to go donate blood. I'd tried once, but I had been too nervous about it {I think the fact that I knew where the cameras pointed made me uncomfortable.} Luckily this time my pulse was exactly where it normally is and I was able to successfully donate for the first time.

It's actually kind of a rush, in a strange way ... I had a needle jabbed in to my arm and I think the idea that a pint of blood being drained out of me excited me more than it should have. I'll definitely be going again in 8 weeks {the recommended length of time between donations} and I'll probably go back to the same place. The staff was very friendly and it's a lot easier to park at than the one by me. I'm also less likely to run in to anyone I know in that city. My grandfather donated over 400 times in his life and had a "25 gallon donor" license plate on his car. I think it would be awesome to have that kind of reward. I wonder how many lives he saved. . . I'm also curious to see what my blood type is, since I don't know it. I should find that out sometime middle of the week.

Today was supposed to be a lazy day, and for the most part it was, but it was spent lazing at my friend's place. We played a board game and I got them both stuck on a new, stupid app that's kind of like Frogger. It's called Crossy Road. Stupid name, stupid game, but stupidly addicting. Tomorrow I have some plans after I get my laundry done. I'm looking pretty forward to them. I'm hoping to have plenty of pictures to take home with me by the time I finish. So if you're friends with me on Facebook, look out for them sometime throughout the day.

Until then. . .

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Go ahead, bring on the crazy
Friday. 2.13.15 5:57 pm
"Is tonight a full moon?" No ... oh, it's Friday the 13th. That would explain why people are acting so strangely. I love the fact that today is Friday the 13th simply because everyone makes such a huge deal about it. I lost track of how many people on the phone made stupid, smartass remarks about the date. They were either trying to be funny, and failing miserably, or they were dead serious, which made me laugh at their seriousness. There were actually some people who, earlier in the month, absolutely refused to have an appointment scheduled for today and would rather wait until later than they should for their appointment. I mean, I get that people have their superstitions and whatnot, but it's those that make a huge deal about it that I don't get. Unless you've had some tragic incident happen to you to cause the reaction, then it's just another day.

That being said, I'm going to try to use tonight as an excuse to get an inexpensive tattoo. I'm going to ask for something that's not normally found on the generic, cheap sheet specified for this day, but I'm hoping that due to its simplicity I'll be able to get away with it. If not, then I'm not going to get anything. There are two more opportunities this year, of course.

Other than the plans tonight, I've got nothing going on the remainder of the weekend. Which I'm okay with for now, but I'm sure by Sunday afternoon I'll be bored out of my mind. Perhaps I'll get stuck on another Netflix series; there is quite a few things on my list that I haven't touched yet.

I guess we'll see what happens. Until then. . .

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