corners and dinner tables
Wednesday. 10.29.08 4:45 am
I feel content right now.
I don't know why, really. A couple hours ago I was at one of my lowest, I've possibly ever been. The type of low where you're not even depressed. So low that any effort to destroy yourself or anyone else just seems like too much work. When even movement seems pointless or even hopeless. Each move you make is one step closer to doom.
I don't sit and dine this sorrow and misery at all hours. What's the point? I am American. Food is abundant and ever-present. I am Aldo. Sorrows are everywhere I look. My past is filled with loss and regret. My present is filled with death and more loss. My future promises nothing to me. So, why pig out? I can simply come by every few hours or so, and have my fill, savor each morsel of despair that is laid out for the world to see.
Every so often I stumble in this cloudy and dusty room in my mind. I trip over the silliest of things. The humdrum life that I live is interrupted, even if it's for just a few seconds. I find myself treasures stored and hidden in nearly all crevices of my dwelling! Tiny things, often forgotten to everyone, especially me. But that's when I remember, that's when I realize why I let my mind go to such a disarray. Like a rat, hiding such things from certain robbers! I find whatever I can and do not share. What few things they are, they are mine and mine alone! So, do not expect me share in my abundance of wealth that I certainly do not have! I will simply just revel for a second longer, holding and fondling such vivid and joyous crumbs, hoping that it'll tide me over during my next meal.
Sunday. 10.19.08 3:48 am
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