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The weather
A constant state of being.
My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
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Beautifully chaotic
Wednesday. 4.1.15 8:27 pm
I wasn't sure what I was going to have to write about for today, since I just wrote yesterday, but alas, thanks to sporadic weather patterns I have at least something.

All day today the clouds kept hinting at a downpour and all the weather reporting outlets indicated thunderstorms. The sun shone for most of the day, with a few periods of cloud coverage. It stayed dry the whole day. At least, in my part of the neighborhood it did. A friend of mine talked about how it was pouring where he was at, all of 10 miles south from me. Another friend talked about dark skies and heavy rain in another section of town, also south from me. Someone else commented on lightning and thunder southwest from my location. So it appeared that the storm would be sticking around down there. When I left work and it was still sunny out, with blue skies and fluffy white clouds, I resigned to knowing that I wouldn't get to experience the crazy weather that I miss so dearly from the east coast.

That is, until about 30 minutes ago. I bright flash of light shone through my blinds and a crack of thunder followed about 5 seconds later. I shut off my light and waited, another flash of light and a faster crack of thunder. Finally, a third followed with an immediate crack of thunder. The storm was right on top of me! I text a few people with my excitement and sat there just as giddy and mesmerized as I was when I was a small child. I've been in love with thunderstorms for as long as I can remember and that will never change. It moved on, leaving behind a pretty amazing night sky and a soaked ground, but I'm glad I didn't get to miss out on it.

In other news, I have 4 weeks to find someone who is off on a Tuesday afternoon, who can take nice pictures and is willing to hang out for a few hours. I've asked two people in hopes that at least one of them would be able to come with me. I even tried to use food as leverage, but it was a no go. The other person I knew couldn't, but I asked just for shits and giggles. My consult for the artwork is a week from Saturday and I'm pretty excited about just that. I hope I can find someone between now and then that will be able to come with me.

It kind of feels like tomorrow should be Friday, but I have to remind myself that I'm not on the security schedule anymore so it's what a coworker likes to call "Friday eve." It's actually the first time in a couple months that I've felt this way. Maybe because Monday was stupid busy and I was already done with the week then. Either way ... It's almost Friday.

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Selective avoidance
Tuesday. 3.31.15 7:42 pm
I'm kind of dropping off the grid, without actually dropping off the grid. It's come time to cut the people from my life that aren't doing me any good. The individuals who are more annoying to me than my time is worth. I'm tired of putting out the effort to hang out with people and then being bailed on, so I'm done trying. They know that I want to do things with them so they can contact me if/when they're ready. If they don't, then oh well. It wasn't meant to be.

That being said, I'm trying very hard to not completely cut everyone out of my life. It's moments like these when I want to just stop talking to everyone because I get annoyed and feel like I'm not much company. Until I'm able to get past it and stop being annoyed, I feel like I'd just alienate even more people, unnecessarily. I have a select few individuals that I'm perfectly okay still talking to. I'm also not removing myself from Facebook or Instagram or Twitter in an effort to keep up with doing what I want, regardless of the people around me. It seems to be working so far.

Depending on how much money I spend on Friday {if I even meet up with the few coworkers that are going out} I may just take a drive somewhere. I need to get out of the city and if I have to do it alone, then so be it. I have a couple places that I'd like to visit, but I'd have to make sure that I have enough money to put gas in my car, if needed. That's what would determine how far I go or if I'm even able to go. I should know by Friday evening.

Hopefully the next few days goes more smoothly than yesterday. I'd like to go for a drive to enjoy my time, not to blow off steam.

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Poor life choices
Sunday. 3.29.15 6:07 pm
After going out last night and not making it home until just after 4 this morning, I'm definitely not going out again tonight. Which means it's a good thing that the two friends I made plans with are ignoring my texts.

When you have drinks, you want to stick to the same types of alcohol throughout the night, otherwise your system doesn't agree with the concoction suddenly mixing in your stomach and it will eventually expel it. That happened for me around 8 this morning. I only had 5 drinks, but my stomach was next to empty {I only had a zucchini appetizer, some fries and a mint chocolate cake} and I was drinking different kinds of alcohol, none of which really mixed.

I'm not sure why I keep doing this to myself, but it's definitely not something to repeat again any time soon. I'll most likely end up going to bed early tonight. I'll be taking my contacts out here in the next couple hours and will be going to bed shortly after.

Despite the shitty hangover this morning, I did have a good time. The end of the night/morning was a little weird, but whatever. I guess it's too much to ask for something to go smoothly for the entire duration. There has to be weirdness in there somewhere.

Today I went for a walk around Greenlake with some friends and the pup. My hip started to protest about a quarter of the way around the lake, but I powered through it. The joys of having been born with hip problems. . . it always acts up at the most inconvenient of times.

Anywho, here's to hoping I get better sleep tonight than I did this morning.

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Friday. 3.27.15 10:52 pm
Due to the skin condition that I have that causes things to stay imprinted on my skin for elongated periods of time, my friend told me that I have "texture." It's not as rare as some people originally thought, but it does take a while for the impressions to go away and my skin to return to normal. Even just 5 minutes of having something pressed in to my skin leaves a mark for longer than the time it took to form.

This was brought up due to the new sandals that I have where the straps dig in to my skin and leave an impression. They're actually quite comfortable, despite not looking it from the end result. I do need to break them in, though I'm not sure when I'll have the chance to wear them again. They're not ideal for rainy weather, which is what's in the forecast the next few days. Perhaps sometime next week it'll be dry enough that I can wear them to work.

I wanted to go do something this even, but I hadn't made any prior plans so when my friend text me asking if I wanted to meet up with them, I said sure. I'm not usually one to make spur of the moment plans, but this was kind of the thing that I was looking for. I met up with them in Pioneer Square and we had drinks and snacked on some appetizers. The atmosphere was nice and the live jazz music was loud. The ringing in my ears has stopped so we must not have been there long enough. The three of them had to work in the morning, so we weren't able to stay out much later than we did.

I'm looking so forward to being able to sleep in tomorrow morning. I don't have any plans tomorrow, but that's okay. I need a day to do laundry and it looks like tomorrow will be it. I also really should go grocery shopping so depending on how I feel, I may do that. It's entirely possible that I'll just end up staying in the whole day.

Sunday I'm meeting up with the same friend from tonight; we're going to take the pup for a walk around Greenlake. Then I'm supposed to meet up with another friend Sunday evening for drinks. No idea where we'll go, but I'm sure we'll figure that out when the time comes.

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It can't just be me
Wednesday. 3.25.15 8:02 pm
When you meet someone new, you find out things about this person. Over time you either get to know them really well or they just become a stray memory that passes through every once in a while, when one of those things you've found out makes itself known and the memory is triggered.

I know that when you're younger and you meet someone, you find out that they have the same favorite {whatever} as you or their birthday is close to yours or they know someone that you know and suddenly you feel like it was meant to be. You start way over thinking how things are supposed to go from then on and you see a future that definitely has this person in it.

As an adult, I'd like to think that this process is different. You meet someone and find out that they have similar interests which means that you have something to actually talk about, and then that's it; no other thoughts involved. Instead, you find out something about them and you feel that same giddiness as you did when you were younger, except now you know that it really is purely coincidental, because it's not like they're the only other person on the planet who happens to have an October birthday or likes sushi as much as you. Or when you learn about someone's past and then suddenly a German flag appears in your daily life that wasn't there before. All of these things are pure coincidence and mean absolutely nothing, but your mind isn't wired to think that way.

I'm trying to train my brain not to over think coincidences and it's working to a very small extent. I've tried to ask the question "why" less and just go with the flow of things. It's clearly supposed to be happening this way, in this moment, or it would be going differently. And whatever is happening now is happening so that something else can happen in the future.

It's my current personal challenge. I really hope I can stick with it for a good while.

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Slow, deep breaths.
Monday. 3.23.15 9:26 pm
This is going to be very short. I almost didn't write anything today, but I felt like I should.

I'm trying to be okay with not being in the middle of a chase. I wave the flag and then start running. For a little bit I have some company, but after a while I'm so far ahead of everyone that it's just not fun anymore. So I start to slow down in hopes that they'll catch up. When that doesn't happen, or I realize that they've turned back, I get frustrated and upset; afraid that I've gone too far and that there's no going back.

I know none of you will understand that reference, and several months/years from now, I probably won't either, but that's not the point. It works for me at the moment and that's all that matters. I have to keep reminding myself to breathe, pace myself. Slow and steady wins the race, right? Maybe if I just keep jogging along at a steady pace, someone will come on to my path. Perhaps I'll have a few others cross it and continue on their way. Perhaps others will come running back because they got too far ahead of me to even realize. But one day, I'll have that perfect competition. I just have to keep breathing.

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