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Welcome to the Merrick

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous.
Actually, who are you not to be?

my loves
Li Rong
Michelle michelle
ET Laine
drab space
Wednesday. 10.29.08 12:45 am
my blog is drab and filled with unhappy things and no photos (fault of my office firewall, someone got smart that i was posting photos and blogging and decided to block photobucket)

i will promise myself to update happy things
1st.. end of exams
well technically it hasn't ended so i'll be really happy come 1nov

2nd... D's bday is coming.. i'm in a vague panicky mood since i have no time to do sth nice for him and will have to buy.. which i'm not sure if i have time to

3rd..i am probably gonna go try seafood paradise and cream crabs!

4th.. i am also gonna stuff myself at melt the world cafe, sometime soon with who i dunno yet

5th.. xmas is coming! presents!

6th.. my bday is coming! presents!

7th.. CNY.. Ang bao!

8th.. vday! present!

i like this time of the year/s. lolx

in between all these i wanna go for at least 1 biennale (wahlau.. dunno how to spell) exhbitibition and be all artsy fartsy and watch foreign films in languages i don't understand. volunteers? by bf is a nerd lah.. not appreciative of such things. whahaha

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look forward
Sunday. 10.26.08 1:31 pm
finally finished my Biz strategy exam

this huge weight on my shoulders is has finally flew away
not to paint myself into a tragic heroine in my own little movie, but this exam really had me very nervous.

firstly, the lecturer made it very clear hat we have to study the ENTIRE textbook. and when it comes down to it, I realized that there is no way not to do that. additionally, he also said that we have to do our own reading. he as practically saying that we part time students will be treated as full time students. There will not be an clemency.

secondly, the freaking textbook is damn difficult to study. U know how some textbooks are clear, concise and written in a logical sequence? This is business strategy we are talking about here. which obviously means Bull Shit. It was impossible to read the textbook with its languid language and frameworks in my fatigued state

coming to that, i was working on my project all the way till monday the week before the exam. There was so much to do, i had to sacrifice all my time. It was literally having a train bearing down on me and i am running in front of it. Tuesday i had to OT till 8+ and this situation lasted all the way till Friday night.

Where got time to study sia

ended up i was struggling to study all the way till 4am on Friday. Some more my house was too noisy and i had to go to those void deck stone seats. i was struggling so badly that my eyes became all bloodshot. i couldn't focus at all, and ended up i spent the entire night trying to memorize 1 theory. only 1. and at 4am i wasn't even sure i got it.

that is how stressed i was.

I couldn't take leave and i had so much work to do, on top of that i was covering a colleague. With so much pressing down on me, my office political power shift has tried to make me a scapegoat in a loss mistake. not talking about all these, but merely taking all those that life throws at me without complaint seemed to diminish my problems. yes i am feeling bitter that my friend do not understand that i too have problems. there is a deep disappointment here. ironically, my friend is disappointed in me too because i got pissed with her over the course of the project.

o man. i didn't want to script a sob story but my life is kinda sad now isn't it?
I'm glad i have friends who understand and empathizes with me even if one doesn't. sometimes i wonder if i should whine more like a girl, not grit my teeth and say "I can take it" that way i can bask in everyone's care and concern.

I just can't do it tho. I am not a whiner, at least i can say that and not expect sympathy just because i say how pathetic i am. respect brother, respect.

so now i take a deep breath. and i look forward.

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