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So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

The Profile

Age. 34
Gender. Female
Ethnicity. that of my father and his father before him
Location Altadena, CA
School. Other
» More info.
The World

The Link To Zanzibar's Past
This is my page in the beloved art community that my sister got me into:


Extra points for people who know what Samarinda is.
The Phases of the Moon Module
Croc Hunter/Combat Wombat
My hero(s)
Only My Favorite Baseball Player EVER

Aw, Larry Walker, how I loved thee.
The Schedule
M: Science and Exploration
T: Cook a nice dinner
Th: Parties, movies, dinners
F: Picnics, the Louvre
S: Read books, go for walks, PARKOUR
Su: Philosophy, Religion
The Reading List
This list starts Summer 2006
A Crocodile on the Sandbank
Looking Backwards
Wild Swans
Tales of the Alhambra (in progress)
Dark Lord of Derkholm
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?
The Lost Years of Merlin
Harry Potter a l'ecole des sorciers (in progress)
Atlas Shrugged (in progress)
A Long Way Gone (story of a boy soldier in Sierra Leone- met the author! w00t!)
The Eye of the World: Book One of the Wheel of Time
From Magma to Tephra (in progress)
Lady Chatterley's Lover
Harry Potter 7
The No. 1 Lady's Detective Agency
Introduction to Planetary Volcanism
A Child Called "It"
Is Multi-Culturalism Bad for Women?
Americans in Southeast Asia: Roots of Commitment (in progress)
What's So Great About Christianity?
Aeolian Geomorphology
Aeolian Dust and Dust Deposits
The City of Ember
The People of Sparks
Cube Route
When I was in Cuba, I was a German Shepard
The Golden Compass
Clan of the Cave Bear
The 9/11 Commission Report (2nd time through, graphic novel format this time, ip)
The Incredible Shrinking Man
New Moon
Breaking Dawn
Armageddon's Children
The Elves of Cintra
The Gypsy Morph
Animorphs #23: The Pretender
Animorphs #25: The Extreme
Animorphs #26: The Attack
Crucial Conversations
A Journey to the Center of the Earth
A Great and Terrible Beauty
The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian
Dandelion Wine
To Sir, With Love
London Calling
Watership Down
The Invisible
Alice in Wonderland
Through the Looking Glass
20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
The Host
The Hunger Games
Catching Fire
Shadows and Strongholds
The Jungle Book
Beatrice and Virgil
The Help
Zion Andrews
The Unit
Quantum Brain
The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks
No One Ever Told Us We Were Defeated
Memento Nora
The Name of the Wind
The Terror
Tao Te Ching
What Paul Meant
Lao Tzu and Taoism
Libyan Sands
Sand and Sandstones
Lost Christianites: The Battles for Scripture and the Faiths We Never Knew
The Science of God
Calculating God
Great Contemporaries, by Winston Churchill
City of Bones
Around the World in 80 Days, by Jules Verne
Stranger in a Strange Land
The Old Man and the Sea
Flowers for Algernon
Au Bonheur des Ogres
The Martian
The Road to Serfdom
De La Terre à la Lune (ip)
In the Light of What We Know
Devil in the White City
The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August
Red Mars
How to Be a Good Wife
A Mote in God's Eye

want to read: Last Hunger Games Book, Honeybee Democracy, The Bell Jar
The Juanes Module

Juanes just needed his own mod. Who can disagree.
I hopped off the plane at LAX....
Friday. 8.26.11 11:39 pm
No, I didn't have a dream and a cardigan, if that's what you were expecting. But I did have a suit coat and a mission.

I had to get a french visa. You might think that it would be possible to get a french visa over the phone, or through the mail, considering that I live in COLORADO, and the consulate in Los Angeles isn't exactly "convenient". In fact, it is about 1000 miles away.

But non, you must make a personal appearance, so oui, I showed up at the consulate all turned out for my appointment, ready to go to the mat to argue and demand and exige (excuse my french) that they let me leave when I intended to leave. I'm not very good at that. I tend to be nice to people as a kind of a knee-jerk reaction.

As it turned out, it wasn't necessary. The car rental place hooked me up with a brand new red camaro convertible (merci, french government?), I stayed with my good buddy Rhodes at Caltech, and when I arrived at the consulate they told me that everything was in order and that it would be no problem to have my visa to me on time. So basically I spent a day cruising down Santa Monica boulevard getting a sunburn with the top down on my Chevy Camaro and when I woke up in Denver the next day, the FedEx truck showed up with my visa.

Now that the hard stuff is out of the way, all I have to do is move to France.


I guess I should find an apartment.

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Ever felt like that before?
Wednesday. 8.24.11 1:41 am

I have. That was a long time ago.

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Sunday. 8.14.11 12:15 am
Sharkboy is coming to Colorado tomorrow.YAY!!!!!!

I can't wait. We're going to go to the baseball game, and to Rocky Mountain National Park, and the Royal Gorge, and we're going to go hiking and fishing and camping and rafting and we're going to have oh-so-much fun.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

He is also coming to Paris for Christmas this year! That is especially exciting because I will have CHRISTMAS in PARIS with a CUTE BOY and what could possibly be more romantic than that????????????????????????????

Now I have to go to sleep so I can get my beauty rest so I can wake up early and finish cleaning my room so I can take a shower and fix my hair so that I look purty for Sharkboy when I pick him up at the airport.

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Sunday. 7.17.11 5:41 pm
So I'm moving. I'm headed back to Denver for about a month to hang out with the family and then I'll be moving to Paris for the next two years of my life. Instead of getting myself organized this weekend I went to Maine for a last hurrah with all my friends. It was a lot of fun but now I'm running around like crazy trying to get my life together before I leave. Mostly this involves throwing away huge quantities of stuff and endlessly folding clothes in the oppressive heat of my apartment.

I always seem to get nostalgic this time of year when all of my upperclassmen friends are leaving. I'm not too nostalgic now. It's a lot easier to be the one leaving then it is to be the one left behind.

I'm shakin' the dust of this crummy little town off my feet and I'm gonna see the world! Italy, Greece, the Parthenon, the Colosseum...

Anyway, this explains why I've been slow at reading people's updates. I'll be generally out of touch for the next few weeks.

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Making Whipped Cream
Wednesday. 7.13.11 5:33 pm
Making whipped cream for the first time was a bewildering experience for me. My instructions directed me to pour the cream into a bowl and whip it. "Stop," said the directions, "when it is whipped."

How do you know when it is whipped?

"You'll know," said the instructions sagely.

I poured the cream into the bowl.

I whipped.

And whipped.
And whipped.

Luckily this particular time I had an electric beater.

I kept asking myself, "Is it whipped now?"
"Is this what it looks like when it's whipped?"
"Is this what whipped cream is supposed to be like?"

But the instructions had said, "You'll know."
As long as I had doubts, I figured I ought to keep whipping.

All at once, after many long minutes of whipping and whipping and stirring and wondering... the cream became whipped cream. It wasn't really a gradual process. One moment the cream was cream and the next minute the cream was whipped cream.

And I knew.
Beyond a doubt.

All of the other times that I thought it was whipped cream and it wasn't seemed ridiculous considering how obvious the difference turned out to be.

I think maybe searching for true love is like that, too.

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Winning the IRS Lottery
Saturday. 7.2.11 11:56 am
1. My school forgot to pay me $547 dollars of my salary last month. I didn't notice at the time, because they were paying me some crazy amounts with irregular paychecks since it was my last month and the end of my grant. So now I have an "extra" $547! It's going straight into the "visiting Sharkboy" jar!

2. I got a letter from the IRS. I opened it with great apprehension. But they said that I paid them too much, and that they're going to send me a check for $329!! $329, straight into the "visiting Sharkboy" jar!! Thanks, government!

3. I thought it was going to be too late for me to order the free proof copy of my novel because the deal was supposed to run out the last day of June and I hadn't realized that there was a 2-day waiting period while they checked your files before you could order. But I just tried it, and the deal code went through! Free novel copy! $6.02, right into the "visiting Sharkboy" jar!!

I'm going to try to get him to come and visit me in Colorado!!

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The Novel
Wednesday. 6.29.11 11:13 pm
So I haven't finished my novel, not by a long shot, but I have made the part that I did finish nice enough that I may consider letting someone read it.

I uploaded it onto CreateSpace so that I can hopefully get a free proof copy of it!! They even let me design my own cover for it. This is what it looks like:

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Tuesday. 6.28.11 6:35 pm
If my roommate and I were a married couple, I would be the husband, there's no doubt about that.

I'm the one that pays the bills and changes the lightbulbs, after all, I'm the one who calls the repair guy, I'm the one who figures out the taxes. Those are all husbandy things to do, right? She's the one who makes the place look nice, the one who rearranges the furniture to make it more functional, the one who gets us to hang up pictures on the wall in aesthetically-pleasing patterns. She wanted to hang up the pictures together, so that we could both decide where to put them, even though I'd have been happy with whichever way she wanted to go about hanging them. She didn't want me to be happy with whichever way she wanted to go about hanging them, she wanted me to care where they went and she wanted us to decide together and she kind of wanted me to drive the nails in I think, because it freaks her out to drive nails into things.

She hates our apartment.

She doesn't hate it.

But she thinks that everybody's else's apartment is nicer than ours. She says that they don't have light fixtures that don't work, and they don't have laundry machines that are always breaking, and they don't have old peeling paint that makes the windows look shabby. They they have nice windows, too. If we lived in a place with nice windows then she wouldn't have to rely on me to open and close them all the time. If we lived in a place like that then the faucet wouldn't leak all the time, and the leak wouldn't keep her up half the night, and she wouldn't be so tired all the time, tired and a little sad and tired from being up half the night because the apartment's too close to the neighbor's and there are chirping birds in the trees and the place is too hot and that faucet is dripping again.

I feel responsible. The apartment is really my apartment. I lived there before and convinced her to move in. I tried to fix the leaking faucet once but I couldn't figure out what pieces I needed. I pried up a board in the living room and I've never gotten it to sit quite flat ever again. I can't hear the birds when they chirp at night. I sleep through just about everything, and I don't notice the faucet when it's dripping. I call the repair man every week and he just doesn't come, even when he says he's going to come.

She says her friend's landlord is very attentive. She says it's real quiet there because they live over a business. She's thinking about leaving and moving there. Their kitchen is bright and open, she says.

What's wrong with our kitchen? I say. You don't think our kitchen is bright and open? I say.

Oh there's nothing wrong with our kitchen, she says.

Do they have parking like our parking? I say.

Yes, she says, only their lot is paved, unlike ours which is made of gravel.

Do they have a yard? I say.

No, she doesn't think they have a yard, but what use is a yard, anyway?

I love our apartment.

I love the old wooden floors and the way that some of the doors are wooden on one side and painted on the other. I love our numerous closets and our two bathrooms and the way none of the rooms have shapes that make any sense.

I love our little yard with our little barbeque grill and our little flowering umbrella tree with Christmas lights in it that I always forget to take down. I said she could have the grill when I was gone but she doesn't think she'll ever use it.

But I love my roommate, too. And I feel like it's my fault that she can't sleep. I feel like it's my fault that the windows don't work and that we've never had a proper mirror in the powder room. I feel like it's my fault that our house is shabby and we don't have a dishwasher like all of her friends have. I tried to fix the light in the kitchen only I don't have any idea how it works, no more idea than she does, no more than the maintenance man, no more than pages and pages of Google search results that I scour to try to make up for my inadequacy.

She hates our apartment. She says if she doesn't move then she'll change everything about it when I leave. She says it won't look so crowded. She says she'll get rid of that nasty old couch and the broken futon. I would have gotten rid of them a long time ago for her only I didn't know she felt so strongly about it. I didn't know she spent all this time hating that couch and that futon.

I know she doesn't think so, but when she hates our apartment it feels like she hates us and that me being there has made her unhappy, and that she'll be happier when I'm gone because she'll be able to do whatever she likes. It makes me think that she hates our home, and that I'm a failure because I couldn't fix it for her.

I know that isn't the case.

I know it.

If she wants to change things, that's no business of mine. I'd be happy for her to do it. I changed the place after my old roommate moved out, after all. Even an easy-going person like me must exert some great force of inertia on all her plans. But I don't want to hear about it. She can decide to move into a shiny new apartment with shiny new appliances. That apartment can have a much better deal on the rent and all the utilities included. That apartment can be a quieter part of town. She can fill it with real furniture, not that shabby Craigslist stuff that doesn't match and smells weird. I'll help her move in. Heck, I'll drag those old couches down to the corner myself and arrange with the municipal trash service to have them taken away. She doesn't have to justify herself. I don't want to know.

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