what do I even talk about anymore
Thursday. 2.21.13 4:43 pm
Tomorrow, I only have one class, and then I get to help choose our eleven new employees AAAHHHHH
I have my fingers crossed for some people. We had some really magnificent applicants.
We had this discussion, in Spanish, today, on sexism and gender-charged job titles. I was astounded at the general female reaction in the class.
It went something like this: Eh, whatever.
Okay, I'm sorry, but if you don't want to live in a world where your daughters, nieces, students, or other little girls grow up with the idea that their worth is in their bodies and their domestic abilities, you need to start actually thinking about this stuff. This doesn't just fix itself, simply because the country becomes more progressive. We perpetuate what we learn as adults.
So basically, it's time to stop being fine with it.
Also, my professor seems to think that you can't hate your last name and still not want to change it to your spouse's.
I hate my last name a lot. My plan was kinda always to just change it to something when the opportunity came about. I don't want to take a spouse's, though. That, to me, is saying that marriage fundamentally changes a woman where it doesn't change a man.
Anyway that's it.
strangers I'll love
Wednesday. 2.20.13 8:30 pm
I FIND OUT WHO MY NEXT LOT OF FAVORITE PEOPLE ARE IN LESS THAN TWO DAYS.
We're hiring the new interns!
It's...dramatic. People tell each other off, they get mad and avoid them...it's part of being basically taught to love each other. We get so close because of the special training we go through that it's easy to get so comfortable that we act like family and kind of emotionally crap on each other, occasionally.
But I'm so excited. Last summer was the best I've had in years. We spent so much time just having fun together, whether we were working or off for the day. I'd never trade that summer for anything. This year...I'm going to miss the guys. Most of them aren't returning, and they're the people with whom I had the deepest and most personal conversations. But, new people will come!
So I wrote a whole page of Spanish on an active volcano, today. What did YOU do
Tuesday. 2.19.13 6:55 pm
I got the whole executive board to agree to be Safe Zone trained what son what what
It's great because we increase our ally numbers at the school and contribute to a bigger community of acceptance...AND the club gets some good press, because what up I'm kind of that evil publicity person who thinks about press when I find something good for the club to do.
This article made me super angry and sad. I do like the photo that accompanies it, because it looks like the photographer said something like, "SAY CHEESE YOU DISCRIMINATORY DONKEY," but man. Governmental officials shouldn't be able to use the process against other officials to get their way. There's way too much of this business, lately.
AND TO THREATEN TO FILIBUSTER IF WE DON'T CANCEL AN EVENT OF APPRECIATION FOR A MINORITY POPULATION...
They're...oooh. They're getting a strongly worded letter, along with the airport that decided to delay my flight to New York by two hours by only having one de-icing truck for the entire airport, and Dr. Pepper because of THIS:
Basically, the letters do nothing. They go oh okay have a letter with a stamp signature and here's why we actually don't suck haha you're funny for thinking we do so okay here's a coupon go spend more money on us you are a valued customer.
It's just worth it because at least then they know that I'm not happy with their service. I've been considering writing Pizza Hut, too, because they're the only pizza delivery company around here that doesn't either 1) donate huge sums to anti-LGBT rights organizations, or 2) threaten to fire people rather than just pay the extra sum to support their Obamacare (like seriously shut UP Papa John).
Anyway about that rant entry, a couple of entries back:
Basically, that was it. If I ask for something back, that's all I can do. And if some nutburger denies that simple request, so be it. I'll just assume said lunatic has some greater problem with me, that encourages this passive-aggressive maniac to withhold a plastic box out of some deep-seated resentment that, really, seriously, I can't even being to try to explain.
I may have changed the original Dr. Pepper photo to the one I made for tumblr
BUT I WON'T DO THAT (OH NOO NOO I WON'T DO THAT)
Monday. 2.18.13 12:19 am
I won't be back till like ten thirty, tomorrow night, and then all I'm going to want to do is sleep, so I'm typing this now to avoid the suffering later.
Tomorrow (well...today) is a giant day! I'm riding to campus an hour early to print out these reading notes, because we have this "group presentation" in History tomorrow, where basically we all do the reading and then we just casually talk about it to the class? But, we're the last section, so everyone else has already gone, and in each of those instances, someone from each group has come unprepared.
NOT IN MY GROUP. I'm printing out four copies because I'm not talking more than I have to. I had to make the notes for myself anyway, so why not just bring them in and be like HERE DON'T MESS IT UP?
No warning means they aren't depending on my work, so it feels okay. We get a group grade. I am not getting a B. Sorry.
Anyway, I have about three and a half hours between my last morning class and the stuff I'm helping out with at work (is it paid? I don't know), so that's when I'll study for my lab practical. It's going to be easy, since my latest lab partner, Jack, is the most pragmatic person on the planet (read: Chemistry major), and helped clear up anything I didn't understand (I responded by doing all the math, after he told me that the diameter measurement was a radius ("I PASSED CALC 2," he told me, like that made the math he was doing any better--step aside)). This is the first time I'm not scared of my practicals. Still, a bit of healthy studying is much needed. Three and half hours of it.
After that, work help, and then I'll have an hour to study for the biology pop quiz that she hasn't announced but I know she's going to give because...I don't know, I just feel it. You know? You feel it when a professor's about to toss a steaming pile your way.
--And then biology, and then the practical.
And then I ride home around ten thirty. Maybe I'll pick up a sandwich during my practical study time so I can go right to sleep, when I get home, and maybe not die.
Next day, it starts all over. Class, gap to prepare for meeting, work helping, more gap to prepare, meeting, then home around 5:30. I start my days around 7am, so I'm not really sure how I've been making it to all my classes, completed homework, study guides, notes, and flashcards in hand.
...Actually, yeah I am sure. I made all my notecards for test 2 in Spanish, so now I just study them all before class to prepare for the day's lesson. My other Spanish class, I went ahead, one weekend, and finished all the homework on the syllabus for the whole semester. I read my bio notes every night. Now all that's left is the reading, the essays, the unexpected homework, and the lab work.
This is the silver lining. Nights like tonight, when I don't know that he's changed his profile picture, and I curiously scroll over an unfamiliar icon on my page, and it expands, and there's his name, and there's his face...nights like tonight, I study extra hard, because I'm not about to concentrate on my feelings, when they're in the state that they're in. Nights like tonight are improved by a paper worth each and every of those hundred points, by the test that I don't have to scramble to study for. Nights like tonight, I need to have something that overshadows him, and being proud of myself does that.
I like working. I do. And I do it just for that, and the gratification I get from being the best. But, sometimes, I do way more than I have to, just to avoid leaving the library and risking the possibility of running into him and his stupid face.
So there's my unraveling sweater of an entry. I know my emotional stuff is kind of weird. It's just one of those things that comes in waves--some days, I don't think about him at all, and I'm really okay, and I feel so unburdened, but then other nights...it's quite different. I still haven't spoken to him. Sometimes, it gets difficult to refrain, but I just try to stay patient with myself and ask myself, again, how much pain I would be in, if I had to be the female friend who stands by and watches as he finds and falls for someone else.
And I'm not going to be that, so here we are.
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