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Memores acti prudentes futuri

You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand
that waits for you to mend or understand
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
Online Radio

More Fun Shtuff
Newgrounds Audio Portal
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts

Blue Milk Special
Cigarro & Cerveja
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
Eat That Toast!
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Out There
Owen's Uncles
Phuzzy Comics
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
The Property of Hate
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scary Go Round
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy

Wilde Life
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
The Book of Biff
Camp Weedonwantcha
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Conspiracy Friends!
Daisy is Dead
Dream Life
Dumm Comics
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
Hollow Mountain
IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Moon Town
The Nerds of Paradise
No Reason Comics
One Swoop Fell
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Sin Titulo
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
Super Buzzkill
The Super Fogeys
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Ugly Girl
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown

Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Another short one
Tuesday, January 17, 2023
This past month has been the longest month of my life in the best possible way.

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An update [DP]
Tuesday, January 3, 2023
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

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The monkey's paw
Friday, December 9, 2022
For a long time now, I've been interested in the themes of the monkey's paw. I had never actually read the story that the idea originated from until just now, but the idea of a wish coming true-- just not in the way you wanted-- is interesting to me. Clearly it's interesting to a lot of other people too, since the theme comes up not infrequently in popular media.

I don't believe in magic in any supernatural sense, but I still think often of the idea that you have to be careful what you want, because it may come to you in a way you don't want. I tend to add a lot of specifiers when I think about things I want and hope for. I'm also disinclined to express desire for things that are general/ambiguous.

For example, I would be wary of saying "I want love" because that could end up meaning a lot of things. Do I want to love someone? Be loved? What does "love" mean here? There's no broadly accepted definition of exactly what love looks like, so there's a huge amount of room for interpretation. People often expect that love will manifest in certain actions, but it could also be just a feeling. For all I know, if I wished for love and my wish was granted, I could be loved by someone I would never meet, but who had seen me once somewhere and become struck with the idea of me. Or perhaps I could meet someone I would fall for who would never reciprocate my feelings.

I guess if anything, I tend to use this prompt as a jumping off point for philosophical questions and refinement of understanding. If I said "I want someone to love me" it raises the question of what "me" means. For a lot of people that's an easy question because they don't think about identity, but if someone becomes infatuated with your image and knows nothing about your personality, is it fair to say they love you? Or what if you get dementia to the point of losing your ability to communicate entirely and they love what they used to know of you?

And of course, since this is roughly about the monkey's paw, if you said "I want someone to love me" with no time conditions, it could very well happen that you happen to meet someone who loves you but is also prone to a murder/suicide type deal and enacts their "love" in that way.

So yeah, qualifiers. Qualifiers make a difference.

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Unsavory interactions [DP]
Thursday, November 3, 2022
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More gratitude
Thursday, October 27, 2022
"Needy" by Shrimpnose feat. Maxime.

Kyle asked me what I'll do when I finally have money, and it was hard to think of much. I'd like to buy some nice tinned fish, maybe a new pair of boots... nice skincare products? And then I guess I'll just save/invest everything else. I don't need that much for myself right now. I think the money would be better put towards the future than any unnecessary consumption. My parents have always said that they'd fully fund my education, and I'd like to be able to do the same for my kids someday.

I know I keep saying this, but I feel like things are going really well for me at the moment. Like, I just feel a lot of gratitude for that. It feels like the sun finally came out and dried all the mud I've been slogging through for years and I can just walk normally. Time moves by so fast and things are going smoothly.

My friend Casey from my first year of college got back in touch with me last week, and I've been thinking about that a lot. So many years spent missing her and New York, and having dreams of reconnecting... and now we kind of have? And it's not exactly like I dreamt, but it's still impactful for me and like... emotional. It's meaningful to know that I had such an influence on her that she wanted to reconnect 12 years after we last saw each other. There was one time in between then and now that we chatted, but otherwise we haven't really talked much. I feel like we're probably very different people now than we were when we were 18, but I still have a lot of fondness for her.


I was browsing some job postings for after I'm done at my agency and several of them said they want someone who can take on 20 clients a week. Right now I only have ~10 client hours a week, and I definitely feel like I could do more. Kind of looking forward to that, when it comes. I feel lucky that I'm doing something that works well for me. For the longest time I didn't think I had a passion, but well... here I am.

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Good things! [DP]
Friday, October 21, 2022
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Wednesday, October 12, 2022
"telephone wires" by maxime.

Listening to this song makes me feel warm and happy. You can hear the smile in his voice when he's singing "just like that" and it makes me feel nice.

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Keeping it up
Saturday, October 8, 2022
"Goodbye Horses" by ††† (Crosses).

There's something I enjoy about collecting covers of songs I like. It's interesting to hear each artist's take on the song and the different feelings that emerge in each variation.

I pretty much always have Nutang open, but I find it hard to write these days. I guess maybe on some level I have an increased desire for privacy because of the work I'm doing. I'm also not sure who reads my blog anymore. While I write mainly for myself, I am also conscious of my audience, if there is one.

Added another healthy habit recently. I know eating leafy greens is good for my mental health, but I'm not consistently good about doing it. Lately I've been blending my greens with coconut water (for potassium), ginger, and a bit of honey, and that's felt like something I can maintain. Takes less effort than eating a salad, and honestly, the less effort the better.

A major lesson I've come to learn about my depression is that I just need to make healthy things as convenient and easy for myself as possible. Doing just basic life tasks like laundry takes an enormous effort when I'm in the thick of it, so lowering the barriers as much as I can makes a big difference.

Even when I don't care about things, I still try to act as if I do, and I think it helps keep me from sliding further into a bad state.

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