in a sepia tone aww yeah.
Location: Mansfield, PA
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1927 Max Erhmann
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Strive to be happy.
Saturday. 10.22.05 5:07 pm
I realized that last entry seemed like I was interested in doing things with a girl, and I hadn't reported the latest on me and Sarah: we broke up. The reasons why are uninteresting.
I had a conversation with chicken today
Friday. 10.21.05 4:53 pm
Illusyox (3:19:54 PM): sup dude
flanger001 (3:20:01 PM): hey man, how are ya?
Illusyox (3:20:21 PM): oh, alright...trying to figure out what to do with my weekend
flanger001 (3:21:35 PM): heh, you and me both. I have a boatload of shit on saturday and then sunday is nothing
flanger001 (3:21:40 PM): though dave and I will probably play or record
Illusyox (3:23:03 PM): ah yeah
Illusyox (3:23:37 PM): so far, i've decided that i'm trying the dominos steak fanatic pizza tonight
Illusyox (3:23:39 PM): and that's it
Illusyox (3:23:49 PM): haven't thought of much else yet
flanger001 (3:25:01 PM): excellent
flanger001 (3:25:12 PM): we should have the rest of this conversation in haiku
Illusyox (3:25:26 PM): remind me...17 syllables?
flanger001 (3:25:36 PM): three lines, 5-7-5
Illusyox (3:27:36 PM): what would that serve, pray?
communicating is hard
enough as it is
flanger001 (3:29:05 PM): to tell you the truth
I am not sure why either
but it is funny
Illusyox (3:29:59 PM): i suppose there's that
but even so, some would ask
if we've too much time
flanger001 (3:31:13 PM): I think that it is
the fact that a hot girl said
she liked my haikus
flanger001 (3:32:04 PM): she's not really hot
as many girls are
Illusyox (3:32:29 PM): was she a well shaped,
well proportioned girl? she seems
kind of bookish now
Illusyox (3:33:27 PM): tits tits tits tits tits
tits tits tits tits tits tits tits
tits tits tits tits tits?
flanger001 (3:33:49 PM): she is rather short
five foot one, I imagine
some slight slut appeal
Illusyox (3:34:21 PM): so she is cute in
that seven beer kind of way
i take it? not bad...
flanger001 (3:35:44 PM): no, it is more like
one, perhaps two honestly
I don't fuck fat chicks
Illusyox (3:36:43 PM): well, standards are good
Illusyox (3:36:58 PM): to have, if one needs to set
Illusyox (3:37:06 PM): an example for others
Illusyox (3:38:05 PM): i fucked up and hit
enter before completing
the next haiku line
flanger001 (3:38:19 PM): I should point out that
she is also very thin
look at this picture
flanger001 (3:39:53 PM): (psh, you readers think I'm that dumb?)
flanger001 (3:40:12 PM): tell me what you think
I don't think she's all that bad
however, you might
Illusyox (3:40:37 PM): this picture does not
reveal whether she is thin
or tire with eyes
flanger001 (3:41:19 PM): take my word for it
she resembles a sapling
one with tits, of course
Illusyox (3:41:34 PM): her face is decent,
i think she is cute enough
for our purposes
flanger001 (3:42:24 PM): okay, that was all
the approval I had sought
thank you for your time
Illusyox (3:43:22 PM): not a problem, man
i am always around to
help rate your women
flanger001 (3:44:32 PM): I think it's funny
we tend to think girls are hot
if our friends do too
Illusyox (3:46:55 PM): of course, no one wants
to put up with the shit we
give when she's dogly
flanger001 (3:48:34 PM): that was pretty good
sadly, I have to leave now
I'll catch you later
Illusyox (3:49:33 PM): talk to you later
tits tits tits tits tits tits tits
tits tits tits tits tits
Illusyox signed off at 4:22:57 PM.
Saturday. 10.1.05 10:51 pm
This is something this guy Dr. Maslow came up with. I think it's beautiful.
Qualities of self-actualizing people:
They see reality, and knowing "the facts are friendly," they accept reality more than most people. They see through phoniness, deception, and "games"--and avoid them. They cope with problems, rather than avoid them.
They accept themselves and others; thus, they can honestly self-disclose and forgive others' shortcomings.
They are spontaneous with their ideas, feelings, and actions, being genuine and confident.
They focus on solving problems but their "problems" tend to be outside themselves. For instance, they often have a "mission" that may be difficult to accomplish but gives excitement, challenge, and purpose to their lives.
They enjoy privacy, withdrawing sometimes to be free to have their own thoughts. Occasionally, they may have mystical experiences in which they become part of all mankind or of nature.
They resist culturally prescribed roles, e.g. masculine or feminine. They resent unfairness caused by social roles and prejudice. They insist on thinking for themselves and completing their mission, even in the face of social criticism.
They enjoy and appreciate the commonplace, the little things in life--a rose, a baby, an idea, a considerate comment, a meal, a loving touch, etc.
They feel a kinship, a closeness, a warmth, a concern for every human being.
They are close to a few people, although not always popular. They can live intimately and love.
They do not judge others on the basis of stereotypes, like sex, age, race, or religion, but rather as individuals.
They have a strong self-generated code of ethics--a sense of right and wrong. Their values may not be conventional but they do guide their lives.
They are creative and do things differently, not in rebellion but for the joy of being original and talented. They are clever, even in their ability to be amused instead of angered by human foibles.
It's not new information by any stretch but I really like the ideals that this ascribes to.
oh, you are making me so angry.
Friday. 9.23.05 7:22 am
I was standing in the lunch line the other day when I happened upon Rich and Dee. They don't exist outside of the other anymore, so it's a very Ayn Rand kind of "we" thing they have going on. Anyway, after some brief jockeying for a position in line, Rich says that he noticed I took all the stuff about Sarah out of my AIM profile and he was "wondering if things are all okay."
Before I go any further: things are quite fine with Sarah and me. We take each day as it comes, try to hang out when we can, and don't sweat the small stuff.
So I said basically that to Rich with the addition of this new and shocking idea: "My love for my girlfriend is not fucking measured by the amount of shit I devote to my AIM profile about her."
Tuesday. 9.20.05 6:05 pm
Dave's girlfriend Kelly is a cool girl. Most of the time she's fun to hang out with, but sometimes she is annoying. One time she was over here and we ended up talking about being a musician on tour and she made the following point:
Music people are by and large self-involved. Especially rock musicians.
And it just got me thinking about it. I try to be a good person and better myself somehow every day, and most days I feel like I do. So to have this thrown at me made me consider it long and hard, and I did. I came up with the following response:
Yeah, sorry about that. Not a whole lot we can do, it's just a fact of life and we expect you to know it fully if you date us, ladies.
Seriously, Steve Perry had it right when he said "loving a music man ain't always what it's s'posed to be." We try just as hard as the next guy to be loving and devoted boyfriends/husbands/whatever, but we have to look out for ourselves too. And that's not really something we should be expected to wear as a badge of shame. "MUSIC PERSON - CARES FOR SELF." Yeah, fuck that. Show me one person who was really, really good at what they did in any field who wasn't slightly self-involved, enough to sacrifice friends time or fun time so that they could practice their art. You can't find them. It's just harder for us to hide it because we make our work seem like fun, so when we are performing, it's like we're escaping from work to have fun [without you]. But we know it's not true. We know we'd rather be curled up by the fireplace stroking your hair and telling you how pretty you are. But we can't. So, sorry Kelly, but act like it's a really big deal, and you will get dumped with tomorrow's garbage.
Tuesday. 9.20.05 10:19 am
Yep, so I promised some entries. Here's one:
School is insane this year. I have a lot of music to practice, a lot of homework to do, and a lot of good friends to bitch about it with. Notably, my roommate is cool as hell this year, which is a welcome change. We drink most nights that we have stuff to drink, we're both poor as fuck, and whatever. It's awesome that Dave is my roommate too because it makes the whole being-in-a-band thing really easy. We rock out on stuff basically every day and it's awesome.
As far as classes go, I have a dickload of them. This is my current schedule (in Excel format; if you can't read it, sorry, get Excel): K-Y Jelly. I know, I know, it's only 16 credits, but a number of those credits are misleading. Marching band being the main culprit. Here is an example of an admittedly rough but not uncharacteristic day in the marching band: Repeat previous K-Y Jelly joke. It's tough being the pride but I can play like a motherfucker compared to before, so it's all good.
I am also a rather social creature this time around. Most times you can find me in my room, Butler Music Center, Mark's Brothers (the dump ass bar in town), at marching band, or most recently, rushing Phi Mu Alpha, the music frat. Let's hope I get a bid!
Okay, I suppose I should quit being late to Basic Music 3. Oh God, do I hate that class. Not because it's hard, because it's not. Not because it's too easy, because it... is. Not because the teacher is bipolar, oh,wait, yeah, it's that. Shellie Gregorich can eat my ass and balls.
Or to quote Sarah:
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