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what if
Monday. 6.28.10 11:39 pm
what if i am at the verge of dying?
what if i am a super evil villain?
what if i am a inconsiderate person?
what if i am crazy?
what if i kills?
what if i am suicidal?
what if i am trying to kill myself?
what if i don't cherish things?
what if i am super super innocent?
what if i am super super stupid?
what if i am disabled physically or mentally?
what if i became an invalid?
what if i disappeared?
what if...
what if......
what changes would it make, to my life?
what changes would it make, to the lives of people around me?

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I
Sunday. 6.27.10 10:14 am
i can't deal with negative feelings at all. like totally can't. sigh. sad. i don't care. i want that place. i am so going to convince her. if not, i shall move without her knowing.

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pool!!!
Saturday. 6.26.10 6:44 am
i am now learning how to play pool
it's a frowning game
first, i can't strike
next, i can't aim
die.
sigh.
i felt bad making her teach me again and again
this is the third time.
and each time, i need to start all over
because i forgot how to play
but i still want to learn
for her.
probably won't be a very good player though
sigh.
and i am draining her patience
bit by bit
but she is still trying to teach me
every moment
how nice is that?
when i am thinking hard what ball's next
she is already sweating from the teaching
haha.
so nice.
i wish one day i can play
like really really nice
so that she does not need to frown anymore
the moment she see me trying to aim.

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DIE!! U DIE!!!
Sunday. 6.20.10 10:08 AM
DIE U....GO DIE!!!
STUDY LOUSY EXAMS!!!
EITHER YOU DIE OR I DIE...
I DON'T WANT TO DIE
SO YOU DIE.

I PRAY THAT THE EXAM PAPER ROOM SUDDENLY EXPLODE
AND ALL THE EXAM PAPERS WILL START BURNING
AND WITH THE CHAOS AND THE BURNT PAPERS
DIE U. THEN I HAVE NO EXAMS

I PRAY THAT THE SCHOOL SUDDENLY CHANGE SYSTEM
NO NEED EXAMS ALSO CAN PASS
AND ALL THE PAPERS CAN BE THROWN AWAY
DIE U. AGAIN. AND I WILL HAVE NO EXAMS

I PRAY THAT THE LECTURER WOULD SUDDENLY WALK IN
AND SAY SOME OF THE QUESTIONS ARE WRONGLY STRUCTURED
AND FEELING APOLOGETIC
SHE SAY, 'YOU ALL WILL BE GRANTED MARKS EVEN WHEN YOU ARE WRONG'

SIGH.i just wish i can pass. i pray so hard so hard that i would pass. or else i die.

DIE YOU. EXAM PAPERS. DIE.

sometimes, i wish i am in some corner of the world where education is not that important. after all, work knowledge is totally different from school knowledge. it won't be of much use.

LET'S GO BACK TO STONE AGE WHERE PAPER ARE NOT INVENTED YET. THEN THEY SHALL HAVE NO PAPER TO PRINT THE EXAM QUESTIONS. MUAHAHAHA.

how i wish.

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6-death worthy?
Sunday. 6.20.10 7:03 pm
right before the exam period started.
my mind keep telling me
i might as well just die, if i fail again
i really really don't want to fail
and i really really don't want to kill myself
but why?
why is my mind telling me all these?
i want things to go back to how it used to be
i don't want any more exams
i don't want any more stress
i am bad at handling stress

sigh...

please?
let's just hope i can do well this time
really.
i can't afford to fail anymore
really can't.
their mouths are filled with forgiving words
but their hearts are not as forgiving as their mouths
one last paper.
let me survive my school years
at least this year.
please.

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things to do. after exam.
Friday. 6.18.10 1:40 pm
muahahaha... i still got one last paper to go and i am already thinking of things to do after exams. i am so so so excited about finishing the exams, although i am so not looking forward to getting the results. sigh.

i want to:
start playing fb again
do a 5000 jigsaw
watch the plants grow
create a guppy farm
get a camera and start playing with photography
go see a doctor
go traveling with Aud
read all the books she has
clear the room and prepare to move out
start deciding who take what
:D

actually, i just want my life back after exams.
i miss playing with my dear all day and night,
chatting and talking and disturbing each other
and have fun until the day ends and go to sleep together
i like that. i miss that.
btw, i am in a relationship with my roomie.
how cool is that?
just when everyone else yearn to stay together with the person they like
i am already doing that.
right from the start.
:D

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