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I'm not here because midday was here
Thursday. 10.18.18 2:36 am

It's just a weird coincidence, honest.

We're all getting old. I was a teenager when I started this blog. Now I pay taxes and get grumpy if I go to bed after 9:30.

I had a hard day and I'm not sure how to process it, speaking of going to bed early (it's currently 10:30 and not getting earlier). I'm dealing with some stuff at work where I feel like I would be better off with more power to handle projects from start to finish. My boss has been kind of "getting things started" with a lot of the projects I eventually handle, and that ends up making it harder to know what I'm doing inside and out. That ended up making my day a lot worse than it needed to be, today, especially considering that I worked a whopping 11 hours straight.

R is in bed in the next room, and I wish I could be in there, too, sleeping as hard as he is. He turned over, about half an hour ago, said, "Now I gotcha," and did a very self-satisfied laugh.


He paused. "I don't know," he told me.

"Are you even awake right now?"

He laughed in that Big Charmer way and very matter-of-factly stated, "No I am not."

He then called my leg a "warm bridge" and fell back into a deep sleep.

We're signing a lease addendum, soon, so he can move in with me. I'd say it's about time, but there was a lot we had to work through, a lot of Stuff between this blog and the previous. I still have a lot to work through with myself, to be honest. Trying to balance my own garbage with having someone live here might sometimes be a challenge, but I'm glad he's here, it's good to be around him so much. Small things like eating dinner out on the balcony and talking about video games, like having him there to hug me after a day like today...meaningful when they build up.

For the most part, right now, days have this steady rhythm that I'm not setting my watch to, but more so tapping a foot to. Work is hard and unsteady, but I'm steadying it more by being there and asking for change. R and I have to really work with each other sometimes, but we're an enviably strong team, at the end of the day. Everything I'm doing is rewarding--it's not ideal, not the sort of structure I can fall asleep easily to, but it's moving in that direction.

Oh, and my brother is giving me his old Roomba, so I guess things are really looking up.

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the password is LANGUAGE because I'm a sailor
Wednesday. 1.10.18 8:08 am
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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october chill
Tuesday. 10.3.17 18:20
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Thursday. 5.25.17 8:50 pm
I'm kind of glad that I didn't book my first hotel, right when I was 21. There's something gratifying about looking at all the hotels in the area we need to stay, spotting one with a rooftop pool, and not even considering the extra $20/night necessary to take a swim 25 storeys off the ground. Did I use a rewards program to get a discount, though? Hells yeah--I'm a salaried employee, not an idiot.

In a couple of weeks, R and I are going to be visiting friends, about fifty minutes north of my current location, and both of us are going to drink, and neither of us is ending up on a shitty air mattress that deflates around 4am. We are getting a taxi to our hotel room, where we can sleep in a king-size bed, wake up to a hot buffet breakfast, and then go for a swim in the fucking sky.

Special occasions are great, and deserve to be celebrated, but, holy crap, sometimes it feels so good to look forward to celebrating just for the sake of it.

Things, otherwise, are going fine. I've been trying to harness my wardrobe, lately, because everything else has steadied. It used to take somewhere around 40 minutes for me to put together enough outfits for a long weekend trip, and now it takes me somewhere in the ballpark of two; I'm convinced that this is the sign of an exceptional wardrobe--to be able to look at your clothes and know that everything matches with at least something, and there is at least one garment for every occasion.

R and I are good, steady. We had a rough patch, while he was dealing with some hard stuff, and we were fighting a lot because of that stress...but I'm all about seeing arguments/long-term issues/sniping as opportunities to strengthen our communication and conflict resolution skills. That's exactly how we handled it, and now we're more disgusting than ever.

Generally, things are very stable, and that's all I can ask for, right now. We're trying to buy some mountain land within the next five or so years, and I'm trying to get enough savings built up to pay less than $50/month on a compact SUV and still survive well beyond six months off of a salary...so stable is good. Sometimes, I ask myself if I might regret not spending more money on adventures during my twenties, but then I picture bathing in an enormous jacuzzi overlooking a remote lake, and I'm like,


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