the beginning (a simple seed) ~the classic crime
i left my heart in a plastic box
on the bedside table, it will be locked
til i get home
i'm growing feeble and tired of the world
tired of constantly missing my girl
and i long to smell the sea
i miss the Pacific Ocean
and the northwestern air
and run each of my fingers
through the strands of her hair
ive been over this country lately
but i've been nowhere it seems, nowhere
but ive found the cure to my landlocked blues
its coming home to you
if a simple seed
gets just what it needs
then a redwood tree can grow
up to a hundred feet
and endure the sleet and the snow
but if my whole life
was wrapped and priced
i wonder what the tag would show
cuz everytime im close to the holy ghost
i let her go
i let her go...
i left my heart in a plastic box
on the bedside table
it will be locked, til i get home
S M T W T F S
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quotes i'd like to save...
-=How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd=- ~Alexander Pope
-=ur the sunshine after the rain, the tylenol to my pain=-~me
-='I'll love you till the ocean
Is folded and hung up to dry=- ~ W.H. Auden
-=live ur life, make ur heaven=- ~me reflecting upon stuff i learned at yfc
-=life isnt measured by the breaths u take, but moreso the number of breaths u take away=-~meggyo's profile
Friday. 2.2.07 12:42:24 am
its been quite some time, since i've really sat and talked to myself. ha. via nutang of course. kinda interesting how that works, talking to yourself with a medium that is literally perceivable by anyone who has the internet. but already...i digress.
heres a question: is keith the kinda person to talk about yourself in the third person?
guffaw. only silly geese do that.
however...i may talk in the 2nd person (in spanish that's the tĂș form of verbs) for giggles and shits-
Dear Keith, how the heck are ya. Oh, i know, you, my friend- are happy. Things are generally just going your way. school is moving right along, you feel closer to meghan than you've ever felt before, friends from home/school/work are still a balancing part of your life. Family. wow. Pop's alive and kicking. Mom want's to pay for Spain in the summer. Teaching spanish is still as interesting as it was when it was the decided goal....
ok so yeah. within the immediate bubble of my life...everything's peachy. i just wanna take a snapshot of my life as it stands right now...this is what im going to remember years from now. i used to think 8th grade was the peak of my life, but i'm starting to think this year is topping that for me. it sounds stupid...but i liked 8th grade because of the happy balance i had. the spiritual equilibrium i attained through purely enjoying my naive life in video games with my best friends, accessing california with a bus pass- everything at my fingertips. but now...i'm certainly not as naive. i'd like to say im slightly worldly. video games arent a huge part of my life, but smash does keep me sane. and "everything" now is just an infinite number of open doors in comparison to what i thought was available to me as an 8th grader. with so many paths to choose from, my walk of life is like an adventurous epic waiting to be unfolded through my actions
. my future is unknown, hell, whose isnt? the thing is..i feel good about how much effort i'm putting toward the goals i do have.
everyone's heard a version of the saying "treat everyday like it's your last", and i think i'm doing my best to do something like that. i feel alive, with exciting goals ahead of me, supportive people behind me..
..so how 'bout it, hey everyone, lets live.
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Monday. 1.22.07 7:42 pm
yeah. i guess i've learned this recently. well maybe not learned, but realized
, that this is my philosophy for the relationship between meghan and i.
spend more energy maintaining a stack of chips. make small sacrifices, so in the end i won't have to make tremendous sacrifices later. cuz when that stack falls apart, for whatever reason, no amount of energy will get that stack back to exactly how it used to be.
let the chips fall where they may, cuz if you did your best to keep the chips in a perfect stack, then they deserve to fall.
can't we all just get along? maybe we need a group hug.
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Tuesday. 12.26.06 11:56:58 pm
here i am. *breath* i am at ease
. at home doing absolutely nothing. listening to "lovers rock" by sade. prolly one of the most mellow relaxing songs i've come across, up there with enya stuff. but alas. i guess its been a slightly eventful stay back here in maryland so far. the first day i was here family(on my moms side) from florida came, and family(on my stepdads side) from the philippines were all at my house for awhile. it was pretty nuts. quite a bunch of folks at the house. but as of right now its empty sans me. hmm...but yeah im really at ease
, and generally content/happy. prolly the biggest thing i wanna talk about is my pop. he recently got in contact with me again, and it was amazingly nice to just hear his voice again. and we just picked right back where we left off, i cant stay mad at him, he's my pop. and he hasn't given up on me, so thats really encouraging too. so yeah..he's got a phone and a job where hes safe and eating. hmm. so yeah he called me and i'm trying to make it a daily thing of calling him. just so he has something to look forward to each day. he probably needs my moral support more than i need financial support. he's a lonely guy nowadays it seems. he takes care of the elderly, he's a live in caretaker. all he does is sit in the house and feed this old guy. but other than that...*shrug* he didnt do anything for christmas, just spent it alone. christmas. yeah my pop sent me money. my mother and aunt gave me money also. i also got a pair of jeans and socks. heh..but money. money can't buy you happiness, but it sure can help with destressing, i'd say. paying for my own apartment, my own food, gas money, and textbooks are the things i stress about most. i may not stress a lot about academics, or friends drama, but when it comes to bills, i worry a lot. so when i got money this year i extra appreciated it. its just a load off my shoulders whenever i go to the grocery store and spend like 3 dollars over my $20 a week on food budget. it sounds stupid but whenever i spend that extra its like a knife in my heart, i fear not making the rent, having money for gas, or something i can't even predict. but yeah. the money i got has pretty much has ensured that i'll be set for the rest of my time at slippery rock, again: im at ease.
its awesome to see my friends here again. and whenever it's questionable who my 'real' friends are, all i hafta do is come back home, and i know i'd lay in traffic for all the people i've hung out with since i've been here. ha. and sommmme people seem to be avoiding 'the maryland gang' *cough* desi/george *cough* but whatever floats your boat i guess.
ha. i kinda dislike talking about 'my friends' cuz i feel like i might be excluding someone, and they'll be like "wha bout me!? keith must hate me." heh. well for all these folks who think this, this is not the case. i dont hate anyone(except for maybe hitler). but if you do think this, we prolly just need to get coffee together or something, n if you know me at all, i could always go for a cup of coffee.
whop, meghan just called. maybe i'll continue this a lil later....
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good thing im on my way home cuz....
Monday. 12.4.06 12:19:03 pm
i'm a little homesick. i feel like...i should be home. for a number of reasons. a couple of my friends aren't in the best of situations....n you guys know who you are. i want to be there for you. i should call. i'm kinda scared it'd be awkward over the phone. i feel it'd be more effective if i was there, showing my concern moreso with my expressions than with my words. moreso with my tone of voice than the typing of these sentences. so yeah...i wish i was home for my friends.
also. i wish i was home for my family. i fear my brothers are growing up without me. its bad enough that i don't get to see my brothers in california, i should try n keep up with my bros here on the east coast. n not just keiko, jj, and jericho...but my mom too. i've called her on a couple of my lunch breaks just to say hi..and its nice just saying hi. the first time i called her on a lunch break she first asked "what's wrong?" and thats a natural response i guess? but i just don't want my relationship with my madre to be like that. i don't want her to think i only talk to her when i have some sort of problem or need some kind of help. and uncle joel? ....eh. i think he tries to just pretend i dont exist. it's easier for him that way. but whatever. it doesnt hurt my feelings.
so yeah. what else. friends and family. i think i need some time to think. i'm just flat out tired of class, work, work, class, classwork, and then homework, stuff that i am supposed to do like at all hours in the day. always something i should do. but alas...maybe if i procrastinated less...it'd be different. but i dunno, i think i'm getting the most out of my college experience at slippery rock:
cram work, spend time with meghan, elongate fun time with my friends here...have awesome breaks with my friends and family......and come out with a degree.
in a nutshell...that has been my time here at Slippery Rock.
class time's over, we were supposed to start a paper but.....pff..in class homework? get outta town.
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Monday. 11.13.06 12:28:15 pm
well gawrsh. here i am in spanish conversation class....typing a blog? we chat-chitted for about 10 minutes.....and then she told us to start writing a paper. but alas. here i am, raging against the machine, blogging it up.
and so. academics school in general is....pretty boring. i'm in a slight lull between a ton of work, so i'm not feeling a whole lotta stress about that. i ammm however beginning to fret a bit about graduation. the schedule for my last semester, i'm not worrried about. but just the actual ceremony...the diploma/degree thing i'll get...what i do with it....that kinda thing. i mean. i know i want to teach. but now i just came up with an idea
"what if i took a break before i started teaching?"
i want to go to spain. somehow or another. i want to have that under my belt before i go into teaching. i think i'll just be better off that way. who says i can't graduate first, then go to spain? i guess i'd hafta pay for it on my own somehow. but if i'm not going to school (due to the whole being done with 17 [dont forget kindergaden] straight years of education thing)...then i'll have absolutely NOTHING to do. so. work. and looking for a teaching spot in the mean time, maybe student teaching? so if i work...dare i say....5 days a week....whoa there...40 hours a week?....and maybe student teaching here and there for a year (hopefully less), just saving up.i can go to spain off of that. stay there for a few months...and then.....come back as fluent as i'll ever be....and then start teaching.
it seems simple enough right? staying at home comes to mind. with the mamadukes and family. what if i lived with nick/brett/sank? that'd be a bill...taking a chunk outta my savings everytime....i think i'd find a place to live when i have a teaching job lined up. so i think it'll be like this.
this year graduate/go to philippines
(did anybody know about this? cuz its already set)
work/find teaching spot/find place to live/prepare for spain
go to spain/become fluent/maybe get some credits toward masters?
come back/live outside of mamadukes house/teach.
while teaching...get masters....get paid more......
and the next thing i know...
i'll be like 25 years old with
a 4yr degree in spanish,
a masters in eduaction,
steady teaching job...
i gotta get to my next class. i certainly am aware that i didn't mention meggyo in any of these plans. and babe, believe me...you''re intertwined in every piece of these plans.
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time is moving backwards as i type
Sunday. 10.29.06 2:02 am or is it 1:02 am!?
wowzers. daylights saving time is definitely going on right meow. i've been thinking about blogging for awhile now... i've wanted to talk about how..
-old i feel around my roommates? i hope thats not condescending.
-i feel generally content as to how sad people would be if i were gone. not to be morbid, but im slightly proud to say that there are a few folks here that'll remember me a lil while after i graduate. teachers and a few buds mostly.
-meh. i'm going to sleep...like...an hour ago daylights savings style.
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the number is lesser in value..and easier to swallow
~'would you like something to drink'
if your stomach feels weak, then my work here is done
~'the words "best friend" become redefined'
if theres no one beside you when your soul embarks, i'll follow you into the dark
~'i'll follow you into the dark'
i'll be floating out at sea, waiting for periscopes to spot my warm body
~'no ace, just you'
this is the part where i'll admit i'm getting what i deserve
~'lost and found'
lets sleep tonight on a bed of nails, so that every other night doesn't seem so painful after all
~'beter than sex'
if it were up to me, you're gone, i've been dying to get it into you somehow
hours pass, and she still counts the minutes that i am not there, i swear i didn't mean for it to feel like this
wanna fuck up my life?-i'll let you.
this is the rhythm i was signing to the beat of my feat as i walked away
~'i fought the broad (and the broad won)'
ur stomach's filled up but ur starved for conversation
~'soco amaretto lime'
if i could, i'd only want to make you smile
~'make you smile'
the past is only the future with the lights on
~'baby, come on'
morning always comes too quick when you're around..
i beg not to escape permeating my pores, whetting my appetite for more
~'amanda's poem about unicorns '
ur stomach's filled up but ur starved for conversation
~'soco amaretto lime'
love me gently with a chainsaw
~'tie her down'
smiles and her laughter, its the only thing that ive been waiting for
so many high points on this last leg, i cant wait to recount them- it seems like nothings happened until ive shared them with you
~'shirts and gloves'
ur lips, ur eyelashes- ur skin, these are the parts of ur body that cause my comatose to begin
~'all hail the heartbreaker'
lets start out-by starting over... ~'lovers and liars'