feeling: Sleepy!
listening to: Nada.

Thanks for all the consoling words guys ^^

A new year means new resolutions, a time to make some changes.

Maybe this would be one of the most important changes in my life :)

This year, I'll make it simple^^

I resolve to:
1. Speak more German
2. Drink more water
3. Sleep before midnight

And finally, 4. Love. Love without boundaries, expectations, or being loved back. And while some may take advantage of this, I trust that the Lord will most definitely protect me. And one day, He will touch someone's heart on Earth to protect me too :)

So no matter how many times I've been hurt, I still want to love. And I will love, because how can I possibly not pass on at least a fraction of the love that God has given me?

So I love. And I love you all :)

And I love my family, my brothers and sisters at church and for love, I think I cannot bring myself to fully leave the church that I currently go to in Germany. Because I know I am very loved there. If anything, I will at least go back and say a goodbye before I leave in September.

So I will love a lot.

And although there is still an hour left til the new year here in the UK, in Germany, the seconds have slid by into midnight at their massive Church celebration...

So to all my beloved...

��Kuriח

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feeling: Knackered
listening to: I think it's Casper?? My sister's watching it on TV in the other room.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and will have a very Happy New Year!!^^

I've been home since Tuesday/Wednesday last week, came back from Germany to spend two weeks with my family^^ There have been ups and there have been downs, but God is getting me through them all :)

The nicest surprise was that my best friend from way back suddenly came online and chatted to me for the first time in... well, forever! So wonderful <3

The worst part is feeling like my bf refuses to give me any security; he just expects me to expect that he likes me and won't stop liking me, but he constantly say stuff like "well it's up to God in the end". It makes me feel like he could be very happy with or without me.

And he told me yesterday that his "parents are right, he's not mature enough to be in a relationship". (He's one year younger than me). He told me off for thinking too much so correct me if I'm wrong, but in English, that sentence is what people say when they're about to break up with someone as a really lame excuse.

It's like "it's not you, it's me".

And he also said "we're both young, we're too young to know what we want" and that "it's good to have doubts in the relationship". Sure but, you shouldn't constantly voice it to your significant other, if you really liked them that much.

He refuses to believe that it is the way he put it that is bad and is telling me off for thinking too much. Why do I have to still endure this? If he didn't put it that way, could I have thought "too much"?

But I can't bring myself to end the relationship because I hate myself for it, but I like him too much. But from now on, I will be very careful.

The other reason is, I am so close to completing the part of the project I had been planning for him for his birthday, but I was going to give it to him for Christmas instead. If we break up now, it would be so much wasted time, money and efforts...

I don't know... if he treated me half as well as other friends of mine treat their gfs, I'd be so, so happy. At the end of the day, it is because I am still the one who likes more. Therefore, the one who gives more and hurts more will always...

...be me.

22:14 edit: he just broke up with me...^^;;

��Kuriח

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feeling: Determind
listening to: Bayern 5 Radio

It's snowing and it's setting everywhere and it's beautiful. And for the first time in a while, I got up at 8:20 without the need of a thousand alarms. I am now listening to German radio. Something clicked last night. It's time for me to change.

I need to get my life back into order.

And I thank you for it; I will do my best. To change for the better. For you.

Even if you decide I'm not worth it, I won't give up. I'll change for you and show you I can be.

Just give me some time. I will learn from you.

I'm going to stop procrastinating. It's the biggest waste of time. I really need to start learning more German. I need to research for my project. I need to apply for internships. My time wasting and idiocy and over-sensitivity stops today.

��Kuriח

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feeling: Tired
listening to: I Pray - Streams of Praise

Wtf, did I miss something??

Ok obv I'm not very good at keeping up to date with news (probably because I've been trying -- and failing quite fantastically -- to read it all in German lately) but what's this about North Korean bombing South Korea?

Gna check that out...

And I swear I've just missed out a helluvalot on people's lives after just a couple of days? =/

I have so much to do, so little time. And I can't be bothered to do it.

I have five days before applications end for internships. Screwed. Good luck to me, I'll try and finish one today. But I'm living on 3hrs sleep right now (insomnia meant I coudn't sleep til 6:15am and I had class at 10am so forced myself up at 9:15. Thing is, I skipped it anyway. Ironically, it's a class for reading and understanding German newspapers) which means I'm really not gna be functioning well enough to write anything.

I did manage to finish reading two volumes of One Piece in German tho. Haha it's good stuff x]

I have to research stuff for my International Marketing presentation. I have to read stuff for my Bankbetriebslehre presentation (which is farking confusing stuff) that I don't understand and I skipped the lecture on Monday too.

And now I'm going to be skipping my next class, because I really just don't want to move. So much for forcing myself up, but at least I can now do something productive, I hope.

Sigh, best get started... wish me luck!

��Kuriח

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feeling: Amused
listening to: Hiding Myself - You Qing Tian Yin Yue

By 'older' members, I mean the ones who have been around for years and allow comments from non-members... Go check your older entries ahahahahaaha XD

I was looking through my blog going through all my entries yday, like, the ones from 2-3yrs ago (haven't finished checking them all yet tho) and I discovered..... a load of random viagra ads, yay! Lol.

Thing is, there's an average of one every two entries or so, but the interesting thing is, they were only posted there like... recently. As in, Aug/Sept 2010. So either Dave's captcha thing for non-members is no longer working so great, or these spam companies are getting smarter =_=;;

I'll ask him about it. So far I've deleted about 20 ads or so, sigh!! So from now on, I'm hitting that "only allow members to comment" button (and by 'hitting' I mean, leaving it alone). Yah.

*goes back to cleaning her blog*

edit: if nobody else has this problem I'll be very annoyed, I just had to clear out a bunch of comments from back in 2006! T_T

��Kuriח

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