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Memores acti prudentes futuri

You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand
that waits for you to mend or understand
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
Online Radio

More Fun Shtuff
Newgrounds Audio Portal
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts

Blue Milk Special
Cigarro & Cerveja
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
Eat That Toast!
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Out There
Owen's Uncles
Phuzzy Comics
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
The Property of Hate
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scary Go Round
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy

Wilde Life
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
The Book of Biff
Camp Weedonwantcha
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Conspiracy Friends!
Daisy is Dead
Dream Life
Dumm Comics
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
Hollow Mountain
IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Moon Town
The Nerds of Paradise
No Reason Comics
One Swoop Fell
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Sin Titulo
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
Super Buzzkill
The Super Fogeys
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Ugly Girl
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown

Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Silent devotion [2P]
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
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Tuesday, October 24, 2017
I heard once that you could only hate someone as much as you loved them. I don't think that's true, but I think you can only hate someone as much as they are important to you. Similarly, you can only love someone as much as they are important to you.

In my personal life, though, I knew when I'd never really loved someone if I couldn't hate them after they were gone.

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Trial period [_]
Monday, October 23, 2017
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Words [DP]
Sunday, October 22, 2017
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Calmer day...
Friday, October 20, 2017
I forgot to note that I got back to the gym yesterday. Managed to run a mile, slowly and rather uncomfortably (chest hurt-- I'm not completely better yet), and walk half, then do Turbo Kick. Tried out some new weighted gloves that I got, and they worked well. I need to adjust to my new shoes, though. They're significantly more comfortable in the toe area but the way I run and my general standing/walking positions aren't adapted to these shoes, and I felt it.

Was hoping I might get to talk more today to the person I reached out to last night, but it's getting late and I need to go to bed. He said he had been working on some music he wanted to show me, so I'm looking forward to that.

Speaking of reaching out, James (Fro's friend) messaged me tonight saying that he thought we were talking at the party last weekend and got cut off, so we talked for a bit and now I have partial plans to see Rocky Horror Picture Show with him next weekend. Just need to talk to Fro to see if she's going that night, so we can coordinate...

Having been talking more regularly with Kyle recently and it's been nice.

It hasn't always felt like I can talk to people I would otherwise consider close friends lately, so I'm grateful to have him.

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Reaching out [4P]
Thursday, October 19, 2017
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Wednesday, October 18, 2017
I think Kyle might be the only person outside my family who I finally trust to not abandon me because of my depression.

(Thank you)

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Wednesday, October 18, 2017
The lyrics of this song swim around my thoughts often.

"See Spaces (Dreamtrak Diamond Sound Remix" by TEETH.

I guess it's that time of year where I get to struggle to resist giving into self-destructive thoughts and urges. It sometimes helps if I have someone around I can talk to in person about stuff, e.g. a therapist or close friend, but neither of those options are particularly available to me right now. I know I'm spending too much time alone, but it's hard enough to get dressed some days, let alone coordinate with people to try to hang out.

Even though I know it will end, and that nothing lasts forever, good or bad, in the moment, it feels endless and inescapable. It feels like this is all there is and this is all there will ever be, and anything else is just a fluke, an error in the code, a typo in the story of my life.

Guess it's hitting me harder this year than some of the past years. Could be lack of exercise/in person socialization. I took my vitamins (including extra iron) today, drank some water, ate some food, maybe slept an okay amount, and got sun. It could also just be the accumulated weight of various unresolved issues in my life, though. I'm not exactly having an existential crisis, but I feel like I'm at the point where I would be if I were letting myself think too much about it.

I miss Pictures for Sad Children.

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