So Lomg Self
Tuesday. 1.20.09 4:17 pm
I must be INSANE...
So, everything's going pretty well. Alot of stress here and there, but I'm fine as long as I realize that God's with me. I'm retarded at all other times. If there's good then there's bad, right?
Well, I accepted the offer to be the youth leader at Pastor Lo's. So that's a whole NEW bunch of kids to tangle with. You would almost think that having to stop a fight every other day at my job wouldn't be enough... Nah. The kids aren't all THAT bad... sorta... I mean, so WHAT if they go to court every once in a while and go to alternative schools and are constantly starting arguments and pulling crap every day?? Does that REALLY make them THAT bad? I mean... they're not drinking latte's and complaining about the car that daddy got them or how it's SO unfair that their best friend is going to the Bahamas while they're going to "stingy ol' Paris". It's nothing THAT serious. lol. But seriously, though, am I massochistic?
To top this off, my boss offered me to become "full time". By that she means becoming the new C.I. worker (the food bank handler that distributes food to those that are in need). I would work from 8:30am until 1pm as C.I. and from 1pm to 6pm as Act III teacher. That's right. From 8:30 am until 6pm. Everyday. Monday through Friday. 47.5 hours a week. For 9 bucks a pop. A rational normal human being would say, "HELL NO!" automatically. I, on the other hand, am considering it... I mean, I DO need the money... BADLY. Prostitution was starting to seem like a nice alternative. But I figured that would kinda conflict with the whole youth leader bit... Manwhore by night and spiritual youth leader by day isn't one of those things that would seem to work well... lol. Oh well. Maybe another time! lol.
But it's all in God's hands. So we'll see in time.
Tuesday. 1.13.09 2:27 pm
I feel like this is what I am. A shell during the day. And at night when the lights go out, my true self appears and my shell is gone without a trace. And I'm left with nothing but rage and pain.
Who am I?
What's wrong with me?
Am I bottling again?..........
It's true. Sometimes when you cage the beast, the beast get's angry.
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