Drink The Sea
Thursday. 7.21.11 9:23 pm
Over the past few days my demeanor and understanding of both the outside forces and my own part in the situation have both changed a good deal. I've gone from being angry at the friend to being upset with the girl. I will not get into details because it's complicated and I'm trying to eat my dinner here. Haha.
Yesterday, I was having a discussion with the friend concerning her behavior. He sides with her, saying she had every right to act as she did. I disagreed, and I found his excuses and reasons to be more and more infuriating. At one point we just broke it off.
I couldn't sleep.
After tossing and turning, watching my breathing, trying to clear my mind, searching my room for a lost puzzle, and various other tactics to distract myself, I finally jumped out of bed around 3, stalked downstairs, filled a mug with milk, microwaved it, and took it outside. It wasn't until I tried to admire the moon that I realized that I didn't have my glasses, or until I sat on the cold metal chair that I realized that I'd come outside naked. I'm far too comfortable without clothes on.
Point is, I haven't had to warm up milk in YEARS. It was kind of nice. I sat around for a while before I thought of what havoc the mosquitoes were wreaking on my exposed flesh and went back in. Then I grabbed my laptop and watched Team America until I fell asleep.
I'm happy to say that I feel almost no inclination to finish the "film". The same goes for the last movie that I fell asleep to: Talladega Nights. Ugh.
One thing that I realized really bothers me: When people say "It was meant to happen." They say that and just use it as a catch-all for ugly situations they don't want to think about. That is not a reason or excuse for anything! It isn't that I disagree with the statement itself. It just seems awfully redundant. Obviously "it" was meant to happen, or it wouldn't have! I told him, "Yes, it was meant to happen. And my angry and hurt response was also meant to happen." Gosh, I just want to punt people sometimes.
Something I realized moments ago as I was writing this was that, in food, the interplay between temperatures is as pleasing as that between taste or texture. It's sort of neat to have cold noodles at the bottom of the bowl, so you can mix them with the hot stuff on top. Unless they're all cold. Bleh.
The moral of the story:
Sunday. 7.17.11 4:50 pm
I need to stop pussy-footing around and just ACT next time. Also maybe keep my dating pool in another city and just...away.
In today's news, things are playing out exactly as last time, and at this point all I have to do is sit back and watch to see if it follows through.
And, yes, I am being purposefully vague.
Do Not Trust
Friday. 7.15.11 10:09 pm
Sometimes I simply cannot believe the gall of the people that I name my friends. Anyone who reads this blog consistently knows well enough that I have been...uncomfortable with dating in the past few years. It just hasn't been happening.
I'm literally JUST getting comfortable with a girl, sort of getting back into the swing of things, and my FRIEND decides that I'm taking too long and takes matters into his own hands, so to say. Completely behind my back. And not even for the first time.
Words cannot convey how infuriated I am. No matter what happens, I will never give him this chance again. It's not like he does anything good with it anyway. Usually I want to wait to see how these things play out before I'd post about it, but I really just had to vent this time.
crap crap crap
Tuesday. 7.12.11 1:49 am
I signed up for online banking (FINALLY) to manage my stuff, and then I went on this trip, see, and completely forgot my username AND my password. Since it's my bank account and stuff, I wanted to get away from my usual paradigm of naming and passwording, but it seems to have backfired heartily. I guess I'll have to make some calls. Poopy
So, my church trip. Appy '11. It went well as a whole! It was fun, of course, but I think the VBS also ran pretty smoothly. It was different for me, because usually I run the 7/8 grade class, but this year I was put with the highschool + group, which is completely different from the rest of the VBS. Instead of having a schedule with set times to have lessons, music, crafts, and recreation, we just do a testimony and spend the rest of the day hanging around and trying to just BE there. It's much less structured, which is great for me, but it means that if I want to discuss Jesus with someone, I have to bring it up myself instead of relying on the lesson. So that was different.
Back at the college we stayed at, the meetings were themed around prayer. Interestingly enough, on Friday we woke up to a flash flood watch at our site. Weather was calling for a 97% chance of rain starting at around 10 and lasting all day...and Friday is the day we spend outside, ending the week in a super epic cookout party. Rain would have been bad, to say the least, and floods are a definite damper on the day. We prayed it wouldn't ruin the day. We were all jacked up on hope because we had spent the week discussing how prayer is this powerful tool that we should never take for granted. But you know how it is. When the percentage of rain is that high, you know it's pretty much guaranteed and the weather guy just didn't want to put 100%.
The day was humid and hot. Right after we arrived at our side, it became pretty overcast and stayed that way all day. But it didn't rain. It didn't so much as drizzle until we got the hotdogs under the roof around one o'clock, and that lasted for only a few minutes. Around 3 we had most of the kids gone back home, and the college students were even beginning to pack up for home. And then it rained.
Even as we were leaving, after being waylaid by the storm, the flood never came.
It was a good week, and I saw good things and met good people. I'm so tired. :P
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