Home | Join! | Help | Browse | Forums | NuWorld | NWF | PoPo   
An inane babble of recent daily occurances
Tuesday. 3.30.04 9:11 pm
and then words come to me, words hit me, words become me. I hear a message. i hear a warning. I hear the future.

ok i really need to finish my "dreams" poem. I will eventually. that was just a blurp that i wanted to write down before i lost it. i decided that i am not going to ask my mom about the slam competition. She wont let me go and i really do not want to instigate a fresh lecture about me and school. I cant take anymore. I can barely deal with living at the moment. My plate is too full.

Ok. i really am turning white but, oh well. There's this country/acoustic music that Hunter game me to listen to, and now that im listening to it i really do enjoy it. Thats kind of sick, but oh well. I think, no i know that i dig this music. Haha. But its acoustic and there is no doubt that i really like acoustic. The kid that im listening to right now is Wesley Keith and hes a college student who doesnt have a major ep yet but, hey the kid is good. IF anyone reads this go to www.wesleykeith.com i like it. its not COUNTRY but its close enough. ah good times.

Ive been watching the people around me, and i find a change in my self. There is no one for me to lean on. There is no one for me to talk to and i find my self becoming more brash, more open, more honest. The things that come out of this honest mouth though are not always the nicest things on earth. I got in a fight with this chick because i said she wasnt going to win President for Senior Class. (I ran for Vice President and my competition was the preps, i probably lost but thats ok because i learned alot, had fun, and took it as an experience) but anyways, the two main competitors in the President race were Tiger and Christen, and this one girl megan was running also but it was obvious that she had no chance. The girl is not popular. Even if she says that i dont know who she knows, that matters not. I am not an outcast in this school. I may not be the MOST popular person but i know my share of people if i may say. Everytime i would mention the name "megan yada" people would go, "whos that?" or "she wont win", sorry but thats the honest truth. and of course my personal opinion. And its not that i was talking behind her back, i was talking about the election in general and the overall competition. The fact that the chick brought it up and said "if you have something to say, say it to my face" and when i asked "what did i say" she told me she didnt want to talk about it. I am sorry, but no. You bring it up, you instigate an arguement, you finish it. I kept to my opinion that she was not popular and wouldnt win. Dont start a fucking arguement with me and anticipate for me to fully just accept and walk away. I dont know.

That kind of bothered me. I was ready (and slightly in the mood) for a good open arguement but she just laid down after i said what i had to say. I sigh. Maybe next time.

I want tiger and me to win. Like Clinton Gore, haha its not going to happen cause we're the underdogs against the mighty "Preps" (if anyone caught that sarcasm.) I think i lost but thats cool. I had fun.

I'm a bit of a sado i must admit and those things appeal to me. Not the heavy hardcore stuff but some yes. I must admit. (liking looking at strong and imagining slitting his throut for the pure pleasure) i dont know. but i learned that this one particular kid enjoys the pain. The kid i must admit is a genius though an asshole but the fact that hes a slight sado. I dont respect but enjoy the fact that he exists now other then just scorning his existance. Interesting what time reveals about a person.

I talked to ken last night. Which was of course interesting. THe kid is smart i must admit but he's also arrogant and pompous. and i was having a conversation with the whitt, bonnie, and rob and the whitt was like "hes an asian Marco" and i fucken freaked. Ken an asian marco? Yeah, its true. he is an asian marco. hah.

I also had another interesting convo with another kid from my past. JASON! he lives in houston and i havnt seen in a butload of time but, the kid i will always love. Hes a good kid. what scares the shit out of me is the fact that in a couple of months hes going to be graduating then its off to college. FUCKEN A! time really has passed. The last time we were in school together was in 7th grade. and then i started to think, Willy's probaby a what sohpmore junior in college? Uh, Zehan has a kid, and others have just dropped out of radar living their own personal lives. people grow up. I'm growing up. Interesting.

I find opportunities opening up as i go through school. People i should pay more attention to and others i should ignore. One kid, i do enjoy his company but, he makes me feel little. Hes Tall a football player and incredibly smart. But. not a philosophy kind, more like a book intellect. (The Count of Monte Cristo Unabridged) and more. and theres some kids i find interesting but they're to eager to please. I like challenge. then theres this one kid. one kid inparticular. i like this one. cant shake him either. probably bad for me to keep talking to him. but oh well. he's interesting. quite interesting. worth it if i keep my mouth shut and never act on anything. hrm...

I dont feel like going deep inside right now. I need to spill all of this stuff. i need it out. its stupid, superficial, and juvinile i know, but theres no one else to tell. no where else to release all of this. This is working. i feel better now, no matter how dumb.


Comment! (1) | Recommend!

An Entry
89th day of 2004
Some people really do intrigue me. I dont know why. wait yes i do. I learned something interesting. Told a certain person some interesting information and recieved even more evasive info that was never the less intrigueing. I enjoy that persons company. Few do i associate with, and those select few, i feel lucky for knowing. There are a limited amount of people in my life. Some choose to enter, some i didnt. But all i must admit, do keep me entertained.

Dont tell me that people care. Ok. I know who does, and i know who doesnt. Its not that NO ONE cares. but that no one is a subsitute for someone. I know. This is how i choose to deal. This is how i will deal. You can thikn you know, but you dont. Sounds harsh but is true. Live my life. See the cold stares, see the turned heads, see the dispointment in her eyes. Live my life. Then comment. No its not something like i got in a little bit of trouble. My life is upside down. Things have ensued and you have no idea. So be it. I understand you dont have a way to know, but dont assume. Please. This is how i deal. This is how i feel. Dont condemn. You dont fucking know.

there are people who care. yes. but they are the ones who fade. they are the ones who wont last. She will.

I know my abilities. I know. I am scared shitless i must admit. BUt fuck you for attacking my self pity. No this is how i bring my self up. My condemning my self, i rise up. you dont know that. i do. see. You dontknow.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

89th day of 2004
slam will be interesting.

april 3rd. mother said a number of interesting things this morning. none all that good. we'll see.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

85th day of 2004
No one cares. Sitting in the car as we drove by the dank houses and cold concrete i realized. No one cares. There is not a single soul out there for me. No one to tell, no one to listen, no one to be with me. I understand this is how life will stand. and i understand that this is what i life has sent. No one cares. No one could give a damn. So what, the failure is running for office? she'll fail, why listen. So what, the failure has a poem that might win, she wont. why listen. So what, the failure has a mind, has eyes, has ears, and most of all, a heart, though slowly dieing. Dont listen. I am merely another person who tried and failed. I am merely another person who tried and fell. I will become nothing, like i have always been. Who cares. No one. I am alone. ALONE. so be it. I will run. I will win. I will slam. I will win. I will listen. I will survive. dont believe me, cause i have failed before. So be it. When i rise up, you wont be there to see. When i rise up, i will thank no one. So be it. This is what life has sent. This is what I will live this is what I will be.

Just. Me. Don’t care. Don’t listen don’t you dare.



Comment! (4) | Recommend!

Monday. 3.22.04 10:16 pm
I cant help it. I sigh. There are a billion things running through my head. So many things. There are a multitude of people running through my head. Guilt hammers at me. Happiness begs to be let through, Sadness drowns me, and question berates my being. I cannot separate these feelings and i dont dare answer them all at once. Lets try one at a time.

I cant think about jessica. I want to, but cant. There are things holding me back, risks i cannot take, and consequences i cannot heed. I did have dreams, many dreams. I believe my dreams. They are a curse and gift. But my dragon was chained. It was chained and being carried away. I cannot let that happen. I have to fight that. I have given up so much, for a reward much greater. But time must go by, much time, before i will be able to even touch what gold i have built up for. Thats what he tells me, thats what my dreams tell me. So be it. I hurt, i pain, and i guilt, but, this is my consequnce, this is what I deserve. This is what i will live through. i am sorry. Give it time. In time.

Shes not the only one in there though. I went home with bonnie today because i needed to pick up my dads stuff but her sister wasnt there and the stuff was in her car but anyways, i heard some interesting stuff on the way. dont know if i can write it on here. but she told me something that i took notice of. Interesting. didnt think it possible, but knew it secretly. Hrm. a heart is a beautiful thing to hide.

saw ben today. smiled. walked on. nothings going to happen. i sigh. nice kid. really liked chilling with him. fun to hang out with. hrm. classical music and gin. i smile.... till next nasa trip. eh.

today was suds day. it was interesting, annoying, and lovely all at the same time. (i forgot to add painful) hrm.

enough. im good. hey mr. twinkle. advice welcomed and thanked. ^_^

uh oh... a bloody nose... not these again...

Comment! (1) | Recommend!

Sunday. 3.21.04 10:29 pm
i dont know. i cant. not now. i cant. in time maybe. not now. Time. please. just give me time.

Comment! (1) | Recommend!

Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29
Recentis's Weblog Site • NuTang.com

NuTang is the first web site to implement PPGY Technology. This page was generated in 0.005seconds.

  Send to a friend on AIM | Set as Homepage | Bookmark Home | NuTang Collage | Terms of Service & Privacy Policy | Link to Us | Monthly Top 10s
All content Copyright 2003-2047 NuTang.com and respective members. Contact us at NuTang[AT]gmail.com.