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My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
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Stuffy
Sunday. 1.7.07 9:11 pm
When I mentioned yesterday {and this morning} that it was just my throat that was bothering me, I think I jynxed myself. Cuz a few hours ago, I started sneezing and now my nose is all stuffy and I can't bend over or look down without it running.

Work felt slow, but according to the numbers, it wasn't all that slow. I was glad it didn't feel busy cuz I was in my 'I don't give a flying fuck' mood. I had a somewhat decent crew today, so I didn't have to pay too close attention to what they were doing. Everything got done and got done fast. So that was good. Overall the work day was alright, but with my lack of energy, and lack of caring, it could have been much better.

*sniff**cough* Ugh!

I went to the store again, after I got off work, and bought more gatorade {gatorade was on sale, I can't afford Orange juice ~at least not the good kind~} and some Tylenol cold to take to work with me tomorrow. I want to see if that'll do any good.

I'm very, VERY anti-medication cuz 99.3% of the time it doesn't work with me. All Nyquil does is help me sleep, but that's why I take it. Advil, Alieve, Tylenol, Midol, Asprin, none of the normal medication that people take on a normal basis, have any effect on me. I figure if I take the medication, and it still doesn't work, I can complain without reprieve.

When I got home, I took some Nyquil {I can feel the fog starting to roll in}, took a hot shower and commented on people's blogs as promised. I'm now sitting here, obviously, writing my own blog and I've got the movie French Kiss on TV. Its a really funny romantic comedy.

I plan on taking more Nyquil right before I go to bed so that I can sleep through the whole night. Don't worry, it'll have been the 6 hours required between doses. I only try to OD on Halls, hehe {they actually say on the back of the package: repeat every 2 hours as needed; that's crazy cuz the cough drops are only effective the 30 maybe 45 minutes before they dissolve completely} Whatver.

I want to rip out my throat and now I want to remove my nose as well. I can't taste anything, and I can't smell anything. Coughing hurts, talking hurts, sneezing is annoying and its not recommended eating cookies {soft, chewy ones are okay} whenever you have a sore throat.

Alright, the fog is starting to take over and I'm having trouble concentrating enough to write much more on this blog. I'll be back on tomorrow to write.

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Miserable
Saturday. 1.6.07 9:01 pm
I'm officially sick. I don't have a fever and I'm not sneezing, but I'm coughing like crazy and my whole body is just blah.

I've been sleeping most of the day. Lance called, apparently from work, to ask me about something I forgot to order, and I stayed awake for a couple hours. After sitting here in front of the comp, I started having trouble keeping my eyes open so I layed back down. I slept off and on for another three hours.

I would call someone, but I can't hardly talk. It comes and goes. And when its here, its all scratchy and hoarse. Whatever. Its just one of the things I have to deal with when I'm sick.

Tomorrow is not going to be fun. I am the manager tomorrow and I already know I'm not going to be better. And that no one is going to cover for me either. I'm not hospitalized so its not bad enough to have covered. Whatever. I'm stubborn enough to go and work.

I've got laundry on right now. After its done I'm going to take more Nyquil and let it take its affect. Hopefully I'll be able to wake up to my alarm tomorrow.

Alright, I haven't commented anyone yet today and honestly I don't think I will. I can't focus enough to read all the way through the blogs. So maybe I'll be better focused tomorrow and I'll read through them and comment as best I can. Till then... I'm off to drown myself in blankets, ramen, a movie and some Nyquil.

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not feeling so well...
Friday. 1.5.07 10:36 pm
The cold/flu/virus that was going around my mom's house while I was there on vacation has finally caught up to me. My throat is sore, I've been caughing all day, though I'm not really sneezing anymore so that's sort of good. I've had cramps all day too. So overall, it wasn't a good day for me, physically anyway.

Work was slow for a Friday. I left early, around 6:30pm, cuz I really started feeling shitty. I started getting chills and I was freezing. I couldn't stand for more than a few minutes without my abdomen yelling at me. Even though I clocked out at 6, I stayed for half an hour just to see if they might still need me, but then I decided that it wasn't worth it.

I left wok at 6:30, went to the store, bought some Nyquil {my best friend when I'm sick} and some Ramen to chow down on tomorrow. They had black bath towels on sale there, so I bought two. I also bought a black plush/fleece blanket so that I can keep it wrapped around me while I'm on the comp. Its working very well right now, I might add.

Anywho, I have off tomorrow, and the only thing I have planned that involves leaving my apartment is laundry. Other than that, I'm staying inside all day. I'll stay curled up in my new blanket and watch movies or read or play on the comp... I'll probably end up doing all three at some point.

Ugh.

Food is yummy... except when you're sick and everything tastes funny.

I'm losing my voice again. This stupid cough has taken such a toll on my vocal cords that whenever I get sick, or get my chronic cough, I lose my voice. Yet I can't stop talking. Its weird, but very very annoying.

Alright, I don't really know what else to say. I did have plenty of other stuff that I planned on writing about, but I can't remember any of it. My mind is a cloud right now. And I'm lucky enough to have all of tomorrow to continue to allow it to stay fogged. Alas, the fog is taking over... and the TV is taking over the better half of my attention. {Must Love Dogs is the movie I'm watching if you're curious}

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My mantra
Thursday. 1.4.07 10:36 pm
Today was not as hard as I thought it would be to keep from crying. Although I have a feeling my tear ducts were still pretty dry from last night. Oh well.

I think I'm getting sick. My throat is sore. It hurts to swallow and I'm coughing and sneezing. Everyone in the house was sick at one point or another and now that I'm back from my vacation, the cold is catching up to me. Ugh. I guess I'll be buying some Nyquil tomorrow after I get off work. Luckily I have Saturday off so I'll have the day to rest and do nothing {except my usual laundry}.

However, tomorrow is Friday and it'll most likely be busy. Fuck. I really don't feel like re-living my vacation by having to explain how it was and what I did to all the people who I didn't see today. It'll get me all depressed again.

Joey did exactly what I thought he was going to do. He tried to provoke me. He did, however, sound somewhat sincere when he told me he missed me. Whatever. And when Gary showed up he decided since it had been two weeks, he was also going to piss me off, but in his words "messing around".

Which brings me to my mantra. Whenever I come across something that pisses me off or someone that I want to punch, I will repeat these words over and over in my head "6 more months". The number will obviously change as July draws near, but you get the idea of the mantra.

~~> okay, if you're looking at the time I started this entry and compare to the time its been posted, I took a shower. I just wanted to clarify that it doesn't take me that long to write an entry <~~

Anywho, after I got off work, I went to the bank to cash my paycheck. Last Thursday was payday, but seeing as how I wasn't here, I had to wait till I got back to get my check. Normally, when I get my check, I deposit most of it and get some cash back so that I can buy food and such {I hate using my card}. This time, I just deposited the whole thing. I got a good amount of tips this week {or I guess it was from last week, not sure} so I'll be able to survive off of that until I get paid again.

There was one thing that happened today that was pretty funny. Ya know that department store Guess? Where you can buy clothes and stuff? Well, Tori was talking to Joey about how she bought this pair of jeans. This is the exact quote from her and Joey's exact response: Tori: "I bought a pair of $118 jeans from Guess." Joey: "Uhm... I dunno?" He didn't realize that Guess is an actual store! It was pretty funny just how clueless he was. If you didn't find it that funny, just think about it. Put it into a scenario with you and one of your more clueless friends. You'll laugh.

Alright, I ran out of stuff to say. My eyes are still dry so I don't know if tears will flow as easily tonight. Besides, with my throat feeling the way it does, I don't think crying would help it all that much. Oh well.

Like my mom said, I just need to get through one day at a time. I'll manage. I'll hate it, but I'll manage. I'll write again tomorrow.

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Back in Hell
Thursday. 1.4.07 1:19 am
I just got back about an hour and a half ago. I hate it. I don't want to be here.

The flight was crowded. On Southwest there are 3 seats across in each row. Every seat was full. I didn't get a window seat, so I had to stay at least somewhat composed. If I had gotten a window seat, I could have put my head against the window pretending to look out and let the silent tears fall. But I had to wait till I got home.

I'm hoping that was the last time I'll have to fly between Tucson and Las Vegas. I'm hoping next time I make the trip out to Vegas its in a car and it'll be leaving Tucson for good, with all my stuff with me.

Lance picked me up like was arranged. He bought me McDonald's, since I haven't had anything to eat since around 6:30pm yesterday. I didn't finish the sandwich. I couldn't. I was too upset. Maybe tomorrow I'll eat something.

He helped me upstairs and stayed for longer than I was expecting. I didn't want to tell him to leave so as not to be rude. But I would have if he had stayed much longer. Thankfully someone called him and he had to leave. As soon as the door was shut I broke down again.

The tears flowed freely. No one around to see or hear. I was going to call my mom, but I purposly just text messaged her so that she wouldn't hear me cry and make it upset her.

I have a feeling this will become a nightly thing, for at least a little while. Its going to take everything in me not to cry at work tomorrow. Especially with Joey provoking me. I can't just ignore him either. It doesn't work that way with him. If you ignore him, he thinks its a game and will work harder to get your attention.

Ugh!

Grr. A fresh wave of tears. I'm thinking tonight that I'll just end up crying till my eyes are dry. Whatever. Its good to cry every now and then. And crying this morning doesn't count cuz I had to conceal it due to the fact that there was still someone in the house.

That's one of the things I really like about living on my own. No one to bother me when I don't want to be bothered. Its a big conveniance.

I had other stuff I wanted to say, but I was talking to my mom and got sidetracked. So now I don't remember. Oh well. I'm sure I'll think of it eventually. In which case I'll be back on to write another blog.

BTW: thanx to Silver-Dot-, Nuttz, lazypuppy, and randomjunk for the supportive words. It actually made my mouth twich up in an attempted smile.

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As it slowly sinks in...
Wednesday. 1.3.07 3:47 pm
*~I warn you now, this is not one of my most pleasant blogs cuz I'm not in the best mood right now~*

Well, I leave back for Tucson tonight. The reality that its actually going to happen is here. And the depression is starting to sink in more deeply. I've been avoiding it the last couple days by not thinking about it at all. But now that the day is here I can't avoid it anymore.

I don't want to go back. No, I really REALLY don't want to go back. I don't even think I can put into words how much I don't want to go back to Tucson.

What depresses me even more is the fact that I have to go back to the same piece of shit job and deal with the same shitty people. I realize that I can find another job, but I'm going to be moving in July, if not sooner, so there wouldn't be much of a point.

I already know that Joey is going to throw in my face that it was my choice to move away from my family and its a mistake to want to go back. What he doesn't realize is that, yeah sure I'm living on my own, but I'm lonely. I don't have anyone there, except maybe a few friends, that aren't even all that close. When I move back out to Las Vegas I'll be getting a place of my own, but I'll have family. I won't be lonely.

I already know that I'll be putting in my two weeks at the end of June. I think I might work the first week in July, but it depends on when that last pay period before July ends. I'll work the last full pay period before July and then I'll be done with that place forever.

Mom said that she, Lori, and Tony would come up with the car and Jean's truck if need be to help me move back here. I don't really have all that much, since I'm not going to be bringing furnature. I'll just buy all new stuff once I get out here and settled in.

The only thing, literally the only thing keeping me from moving out sooner is the fact that I'd have to break my current lease. And in keeping my credit as good as possible, that would fuck it up. Not a whole lot, but since I still don't have that much, it'd be a decent size glitch. If I want any luck at all in the future when it comes to getting a car or renting another place, I need to keep my credit as good as I can possibly keep it.

Alright, I still have some stuff to say, but I'd basically be repeating myself. Besides, the last wave of tears has sstopped and I don't want to risk causing another wave right away.

Sorry if I brought any of you guys down; I did warn you though. I'll be back on later.

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