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Speak to My Finger
Books I have completed reading since January 2021:

1. The Enchanted - Rene Denfield
Dream of him, again
Thursday. 10.15.15 8:42 am
Aww... This is interesting again.

I dreamed of Yamapi again with the same hairstyle in the video below. We were sitting on the same long table that can host 6 people - 3 on each side. There were 6 of us. He was sitting in the middle of the other side and I was sitting on the far left. I have not found a place to sit actually but it was weird to find everyone using fingers to eat. They are Japanese and I don't believe they used hand to eat but they are. And I boasted to myself that I will used Malaysia style to eat with finger. Oh, I can eat with fingers like the Malays and Indians do here. I do a pretty good job for a Chinese whose race does not use fingers.

But Yamapi looked hesitant in using fingers. He looked like a dainty figure amongst us. He looked like he was choosing his food. I could see green leaves in his plate. I went to take some foot from the buffet counter. The setting looked like we were eating in a nice environment park, and the other people were some crew members. I don't know what was my role. All I care was to eat the food with fingers!

And then suddenly, I woke up.

Damn it! I wanna a sequel!

I want to meet him in real life not dream!

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Can someone die further?
Monday. 10.12.15 7:55 pm
Mum was telling me about the latest effigy she saw during a friend's relative's wake. As you know, the Chinese burn stuff for the dead so the dead can live a comfortable live below. I know my dead grandma has lots of money, a house and a couple of maids. I once joked why don't we buy her a car? My aunt replied that she doesn't know how to drive. Ok. That makes sense.

Mum was telling me that the latest trend is to burn the iconic Bruce Lee as driver to the deceased. That was disturbing to me. How can you burn someone who is already dead to be someone else's driver? He is already dead and already below or above... and you want him to be someone's driver? I find it disrespectful and cruel. It's like we are cursing him again and again.

Sister joked that there will be too many Bruce Lee in the underworld. Where is the logic in that? And then all Bruce Lee fights to prove themselves? What a nightmare.

I believe what the seller is trying to do is... Do you guys have GPS? In Malaysia, we can get Arnold Schwarzenegger's voice to give GPS direction. I think this is what the seller trying to achieve similarly by using effigy.

Poor Bruce Lee.

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Wednesday. 10.7.15 11:11 am
Well, I have said to myself that I would work my ass of in October to finish up my literature review but I did the opposite. I did nothing except watching my anime diligently. And I could feel my inner self screaming to do something that would be beneficial for me in the future.

I totally agree except I am kinda lost in this world where society is so obsessed with mono-stuff - we have to be good in one thing at the expense of other things. I have so many passions. Can I be good in all of them? I can but I have to be good in one thing first. And then when some kids appear on tv that showcases their multi-talent, people would just go awe and comment why their kids are not like them from tv. Of course, you cannot expect kids to excel in one thing by restricting their interest.

I feel suffocated right now. But I still need to make a decision otherwise the Universe is not able to build a path for me. I believe in myself. I believe that I can be anything that I want in this life. I can do it!

Well, since you guys are already on my page, listen below leaving, alright?

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Regrets intermingling
Monday. 9.28.15 8:43 am
Lots of things happened in September.

I made a huge drama in my supervisor's room in order to get intermission from studies. I suddenly lost the interest in writing my thesis when I was once so fired up to do a research. Perhaps, the condition of my country makes me question how much can my research contribute to the country's well-being. The reply is nothing. The thesis is just to make myself happy, not anyone nor satisfy my salary scale. My supervisor winced when I said the course that I am taking does not and will not increase my salary at all. Don't believe? Try asking a Masters graduate when looking for a job. Even my senior who had the best thesis is out of job. Welcome to reality.

And then I should have bought ticket to attend my friend's wedding in Bangkok, but I didn't. Because I wanted to keep true to my words that I will not attend any weddings this year. I have several weddings to attend for 2015: Vietnam, Pakistan, Kuala Lumpur, Bangkok, Vietnam/Tokyo, Sarawak. If only I could all, however, my pocket doesn't allow at all. I was so stressed in July that I almost borrow money from the bank to go for holiday, but at what cost? Even if I wanted to buy ticket to Bangkok, I seriously don't have the funds. It truly sucks. I feel more excruciating hurt when I saw my friend's wedding photos on FB. It's not about attending the wedding. It's about the other friends who attended the wedding. Every wedding of mine is a mini reunion for me and my friends which whom I may not even have the chance to see them again... And this seems to be the biggest mini reunion... ever! I miss everyone. And the groom and the bride are my good friends. Oh my god. What a regret I am experiencing now.

I am still stress and I wanna go somewhere for a break, but I really have no funds. No sugar daddy to boot. I tried asking for donations in my birthday wish list. Only a friend donated as a joke.

Oh well, then I shall just sleep.

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oh my dream!
Monday. 9.21.15 7:15 pm
Yup, like the title said "Oh My Dream!"

Try guessing what did I dream...

Well, I dreamed of my favourite Japanese singer: Yamashita Tomohisa.

Look at him... how sexy he is.. how can a girl like me not drool?

The dream was quite weird. I was in a dorm room. He was suddenly in my room and he sat on my bed. I joined him. He was leaning on my bed like the lying Buddha. And we started to chat like friends do, and he even asked me if I wanna watch something like his video clip. I said I don't mind but when I saw there was Maeda Atsuko (the former ace of AKB48), I said I dislike her hence don't wanna watch. As we were chatting, my college-mate from Vietnam entered to get something. I jumped up and was so excited to see her that I kept asking her if the pictures she posted on Facebook indicated she was in Switzerland recently, and then I saw her to the door. When I was back in the room, he was naked except for his skin-colour boxer. I didn't drool, in fact, I thought how unappetising his body was. But I didn't feedback anything. Instead I asked how was his application to go to Hollywood to be a star. He replied no reply. I was about to ask more, but then I suddenly intuitively knew my mum came back so I opened the door for her. And so I returned to the room. This time he was sitting on a different bed, and I joined him. He was sitting closer to me now, however I advised him to sit across me 45 degrees so he won't have to strain his neck. He wanted to talk more, but I paused him and ... I went to my drawer and I took out my 20-year-old blanket. What I did next was hilarious. I used the blanket to wrap around him like a mummy, and I said 'I better wrap you up so my mum won't have negative thinking on what we are doing on the bed."

And poof I woke up. Thanks to the alarm clock. I can't go back to see the continuation of the storyline. Damn~ Anyways, it seems like this is not the first time I dreamed about him. O.O

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Monday. 9.14.15 7:39 pm
The haze is so bad that I caught a runny nose and a little cough. Schools in some states are already closed. For my office? All staff received an email from our health and safety department which simply stated reduce going outdoor and drink more fluids. If you are feeling unwell like sore eyes and sore throat, see doctor.

What else can I interpret? Perhaps, get to work to meed deadlines.

It reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend where employees of a certain company in Japan were ordered to stay in the building after a massive earthquake. Everyone was in a trauma due to the earthquake and when this acquaintance asked for relief as in go home for the day, the person was denied with the reply that 'what if got customers coming in?' Will there be customers doing shopping after a massive earthquake? Or is it just because they are paid to do their work that life has been put aside? This person cannot comprehend what was going on so the person bought a one way ticket immediately to go back to the original country. The person abandoned a high-flying job there with no regrets because life is more important than money. I did mention that professionalism is at stake but then which is more important? Life or professionalism?

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