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To strive for an ideal:
Wednesday. 10.12.11 5:35 pm


More heartfelt than most romantic songs these days.

"There's a story in your eyes
I can see the hurt behind your smile
For every sign I recognize
Another one escapes me

Let me know what plagues your mind
Let me be the one to know you best
Be the one to hold you up
When you feel like you're sinking

Tell me once again
What's beneath the pain you're feeling
Don't abandon me
Or think you can't be saved

I walk beside you
Wherever you are
Whatever it takes
No matter how far

Through all that may come
And all that may go
I walk beside you
I walk beside you

Summon up your ghosts for me
Rest your tired thoughts upon my hand
Step inside the sacred place
When all your dreams seem broken

Resonate inside this temple
Let me be the one who understands
Be the one to carry you
When you can walk no further

Tell me once again
What's below the surface bleeding
If you've lost your way
I will take you in

I walk beside you
Wherever you are
Whatever it takes
No matter how far

Through all that may come
And all that may go
I walk beside you
I walk beside you

Oh when everything is wrong
Oh when hopelessness surrounds you
Oh the sun will rise again
The tide you swim against will carry you back home
So don't give up
Don't give in

I walk beside you
Wherever you are
Whatever it takes
No matter how far

Through all that may come
And all that may go
I walk beside you
I walk beside you"

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Quandries
Saturday. 9.24.11 4:10 pm
Various decisions that have made themselves very difficult for me to...decide, in no particular order:

I came back from class recently after a long day, and realized that I had to poop. But I was also hungry. My urge to do each was so evenly distributed that for a moment I was sure that I would dump in my pants or faint from hunger if I didn't address one of the issues immediately. I froze, and the idea that time would run out, leaving me fainted on the floor AND soiled made me panic even more strongly.

Eventually it came to me that I could probably wait a few minutes to eat. But I remembered too late, as I sat and prepared myself to expel my waste, that pooping when hungry is never advisable because it makes you feel EVEN HUNGRIER.

Or maybe that's just me.

My second impossible decision was conceivably a bit more important. At the beginning of the week, I caught word that a recruiter was interested in me for the purpose of founding a new chapter of the Alpha Sigma Phi Fraternity at my place of schooling. I ignored the voicemail, mostly because I had a similar phone experience recently that was definitely a crank call. But the man texted me, explained things a bit better, and asked when I wanted to meet to talk about it. By the time we met Thursday afternoon, I was intensely curious but still very wary of the idea.

For those of you who know me, you probably know that I don't really fit into the Greek scene very well. For those of you who don't, you also may have come to this conclusion. Who knows.

What interested me about what this guy said was that the main thing I was leery of, namely the stereotypical "frat" with the grotty parties and other undesirable qualities, was also something that he as a recruiter (and the national level as well) was trying to avoid. He was picking people who fit the older definition of "fraternity", especially those who'd avoided Greek life like me.

I also liked the part about being a "Founding Father." The group of us are the first, so we make the rules. We write the budget and charter, and make up our traditions. How often do you get the chance to say you started a fraternity at your school?

The issue was, I had to accept or deny my bid by Friday night...and preferably Friday morning. That gave me less than twelve hours to decide if I was going to go through with this or not. On the one hand, I'd never even planned to CONSIDER joining a fraternity. It seems extraneous to my preferred college experience, there's just no reason for it. On top of that, there is money to be paid, ridiculous formalities (which are never to my taste, anyway), and this peevish idea that you have to live for the brotherhood and it should be your number one priority.

On the other hand, there are the usual "give back to your community" and "develop a close network of friends" things to look forward to. I could honestly use a bit of responsibility...I've been lately thinking that I don't have enough going on with just schoolwork and the Physics club. I sort of like the idea of being a founder, and also the idea of being in a frat that isn't a "frat". And, of course, if something happens and I decide that things aren't turning out how I'd like them, I just walk away...provided I make that choice before my actual initiation in several weeks.

So I accepted. I'm officially a pledge for Alpha Sigma Phi. Not quite sure how I feel about it, yet. I think it's an issue with what I consider to be my identity; I've always been sort of a geek and now I'm a frat guy. Still feels weird to say out loud. Type out loud. Type explicitly. Yeah.

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My header is an email address
Thursday. 9.8.11 12:08 am
whoops






So basically my life is normal right now. I don't have to talk to girls that I don't want to talk to. AAAAAND I don't lay around all evening thinking about not-wanting to talk to them. Her.

I found my razor's head. So I'm smooth-faced again. FOR NOW

I want to P'shop something. I'll look into that later.

I'm trying to learn chess and be awesome at it. So far I am failing at both tasks.

My security software is not working. I wonder how many icky software infections my computer has accumulated in the last few days.

I wish Atlanta wasn't so stinkin' bright. You can't see ANY stars.

Good night


EDIT:
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at http://bit.ly/ntqarU, you can help me out by voting this photo up once per hour. You may have to like the page to get access. Thanks for any help! It may not win, but once I get enough votes I'll at least be on the front page and have a decent chance.

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Florence + The Machine
Saturday. 8.27.11 12:01 am
Exceedingly impressed. So far I've only listened to Lungs but it's really good stuff.

First week went pretty well. I'm putting my Spanish class on Pass/Fail because I really want to take the class but I really don't want it to destroy my GPA any further. I dropped one of the classes I wasn't sure about and signed up for Astronomy instead. Saved me about 80 dollars in books, too.

I haven't taken medicine on a regular basis in a long time, but I'm taking a drug now that supposedly helps me stay focused and on-task. It seems to be working, at least for my morning classes. I'm still on a pretty low dosage and I don't really want to crank it up anymore so I'll just have to deal with whatever shortcomings arise. On the bright side, it usually crashes me around 9 or 10 at night so it regulates my sleeping schedule pretty well. And Mom was worried it would keep me wired all night. Heh.

My roommate's name is Alex, one of my friends from last year. We get along pretty grandly. He's sort of a tight-ass sometimes but it's probably good for me. The year will certainly be interesting.

More later

EDIT:
So I've already managed to lose the head for my shaver. This means I'll have to use the trimmer to avoid looking like a complete rube. >.>

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