It's been almost a month since I last wrote something here...

I went on vacation. It wasn't exactly as I'd hoped it would be; I'll actually write out a two part entry on my vacation sometime later this month (split in to week one and week two.) The fact that I still need some time before I write anything down about it so that it doesn't just turn in to a rant-fest should be an indicator enough that it wasn't the greatest of vacations.

But I haven't forgotten about this place and I wanted to write something real quick to let whoever still reads these that I haven't gone on hiatus and I'm not planning on disappearing any time soon. Essentially this is a placeholder.

Until then. . .

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I did it! I lost a full 20 lbs! Only 20{ish} more to go until I hit my goal. I say ish because if I lose a couple more after I reach the 40 lb mark, then so be it.

The first time it truly hit me that I was fat was on May 8th of this year. A couple days prior, I went to the health seminar thing for work, so that they could measure your stats to determine if you get to have money taken off your next year's insurance; which is complete bullshit because they don't measure your true BMI, but whatever. That's neither here nor there. I just assumed that the number on the scale was because it was halfway through the afternoon, I'd eaten food, had water to drink and I was wearing an outfit that I deemed to be heavier than normal. There was no way I weighed that much. Until I went to the doc's office, first thing in the morning, wearing the lightest outfit I could wear in public and the number was only .4 lbs less...

Now, I knew that I was gaining weight; my clothes were fitting tightly, or were no longer fitting comfortably at all so I found myself avoiding certain clothing items. Walking up only a few flights of stairs exhausted me. It was pretty bad. But I didn't think it was as bad until I saw the same number only a few days apart, at two different times of the day, wearing different outfits.

It was at that point, I knew that I needed to make a change. But I'd tried things in the past and it always ended the same way: me just stopping. I'd be really good about it for a month, or three, but then I'd just stop. I wouldn't feel like doing anything anymore, or I'd already overeaten something twice that week, so what was another day? This time would be different, however. This time, I had a support group. And no, not the kind you normally think of when you hear that. I didn't join Weight Watchers, or some other crazy weight loss group that sucks as much money out of you that they can.

I had friends, and coworkers, who were there for me. To listen to me bitch and moan about how tough it was and how I wasn't seeing any results and how hungry I was. They were there to cheer me on when I realized, after a few weeks of light exercise and portion control, that I'd actually lost a couple pounds. I had my sister, from states away, cheering me on and getting on my case about making sure I kept up with her and the 30 day challenges we agreed we'd do together. These people were there on my inevitable fat kid days, like potlucks or weekends when I wanted to go out for drinks.

I started utilizing the workout clothes I'd been acquiring for comfort purposes, for the actual reason they're made the way they are. I began using MyFitnessPal on a daily basis, even on my fat kid days. I'd record everything I consumed, even if it was over the recommended caloric intake for the day. With the help of my coworker, who'd only recently been in the exact same boat as me, I started getting in to healthier habits. She's real about things; she doesn't sugar coat it like most people do when they're afraid of offending you. And that's exactly what I needed. I need the push, the reality of things, in order to get me motivated. And it's made such a huge difference.

I finally took advantage of the free use employee fitness center on a regular basis. Sure, I could lose a lot more weight much more quickly if I actually used the free weights and machines, but I'm not really in to that. At least not right now. Perhaps eventually, but I like doing the exercises that use my own body weight. I use the treadmill while I'm there, for at least 30 minutes. I'm usually on there between 30 and 40 minutes, doing intervals. I'll start with a 5 minute warm up and then interval my way until the cool down period. When I started out doing that, I couldn't go more than 5 minutes at a 4.5 mph pace. Now, I can go for a steady 10 minutes at 5.3 mph pace. This past weekend, I pushed it up just a little more, to a 5.5 mph pace. Every time I increase the speed, I test it out at 5 minutes and keep going until I can't. Then a 3.5 mph walk {I'm short; my legs can only go so fast when walking} for a few minutes before increasing it back up to the faster pace.

It took about a month before I was finally able to gain enough self control to actually begin steadily working on this so I'm counting my first month working on it as June. So between then and now, I'm proud to say that I'm finally under 160 lbs for the first time in over 3 years. The end goal is to be back under 140 lbs. If I keep it up the way I have been, I'll be at that goal by the Spring. It's been a hard road. There's certainly ways that I could do more in order to lose more at a time, but the fact that I'm even doing what I'm doing is more than a lot of people can say.

And for that, I'm quite proud of myself.

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I've fallen quite behind on writing stuff here. At least by my standards. I want to write things, but then it just doesn't happen. Oh well, I'm writing now.

So the Sunday after I was sick, I went to the gym. I didn't push myself more than I felt I could handle it. I felt pretty good afterwards ... until about halfway through my shower. I didn't puke again, but I'm sure if there'd been something in my stomach to come back up, it would have. Apparently I'd pushed myself a little too hard a little too soon after having a stomach virus. Oh well. I spent the rest of the day carefully ingesting solid foods and felt better Monday morning.

I woke up at the normal time I do for work, but since I had the day off, I absolutely refused to get up that early. I laid there until I fell back asleep, then woke up around the time that I would have been leaving for work. I said fuck it and laid there until I was motivated enough to get up. I got dressed and headed up to my friend's place so that we could spend the day just hanging out and enjoying each other's company.

We drove out to Leavenworth, since I'd never been, and spent several hours just wandering about. Lunch was yummy; we stopped at a handful of points on the way and back so that I could take pictures. Nearly every picture I took on the birthday mini road trip ended up on Facebook, if you'd like to go check them out. My stomach was still iffy, but at least I could enjoy food again without it coming back up.

The work week was alright; I was offered the new position, which I accepted. I should be transitioning over to it in about a month and a half. I'm still torn, but I know it's a necessary change that has to happen and I'd rather go in to something I at least have some training in, rather than something completely fresh. Less anxiety that way. Still some, but less of it.

This past weekend wasn't the normal payday weekend. I did go grocery shopping; I went to the gym, did laundry, and I hung out with a friend Sunday evening. We watched Brave {which was cute} and Captain America {since I'd not seen it yet.} I wish it hadn't been on a work night so that I could have had more to drink, but I was already out later than I normally would be on a work night so I played it safe and only had a couple drinks.

This coming weekend I'll be hanging out with another friend of mine. I need to get in some quality Yoda time before I go on vacation. I'm starting to get pretty excited about my trip, despite the poor state of my finances. Just spending time away from work and getting to see my family and some old friends will be enough of a boost for my mood. When I get back, I will be saving up as much as possible for the two week trip I have planned next Autumn.

Currently, I'm listening to the 90s Alternative station on Pandora, all thanks to a friend posting something about it. It gave me ideas and I'm glad that I went with it. So much nostalgia! I normally listen to a different station when I'm on the treadmill, but I may have to change it to this station this weekend. We'll see how I feel. I may just stick with the EDM. The music tends to be more motivating with that specific activity. I also tend to want to lip sync to the songs when I know the lyrics and when I'm huffing away at my {current} top speed, it tends to come out as forced whispers. Which is awkward if someone else is in the gym.

Anywho, not much else is going on, really. Birthday weekend was good. I accepted the permanent position within my company, so I'll actually start getting full benefits, rather than the limited stuff I have now. This coming weekend will be nice and it's the last weekend in Seattle before I'm gone for two weeks! I may or may not blog while I'm out of town ... I'm sure I'll have plenty of down time while I'm there. We shall see. I'm going to try to write one more time before I leave, but I'm not sure if I'll have anything worth writing about.

Until then. . .

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I woke up yesterday morning with an upset stomach. No big deal; it's not the first time I've woken up with an upset stomach. It usually goes away after an hour or so. Yesterday, however, was a different story. After a couple hours, I suddenly felt much worse. I was trying so hard not to puke, but to no avail. I expelled everything in my stomach, which at that time of the day wasn't much.

I went back to my desk and felt so much better. I had a banana, some saltine crackers and a small Gatorade. About an hour later, I started feeling the same as I had when I'd woken up. I decided to go home for lunch and lay down for half an hour, see if maybe that would help. I got home, and threw up again. This time it was only a little bit of the Gatorade. I laid down for about 25 minutes, but at this point I was freezing. It was a little on the chilly side outside, but nothing that would make me this cold.

I got back to work and was still freezing. At this point, I was out of it enough that my coworkers could visibly see it. Barely 30 minutes later, I excuse myself to use the bathroom and pretty much everything that I'd put in to my system came back up. I walked back to the office, tears still glistening in my eyes, pale as a ghost, and my coworker tells me to ask my supervisor if I can go home. I walk down to her office, where two of my other coworkers were having a meeting, interrupt and ask if I can go home. I was shaking at this point, probably from throwing up so many times in so many hours, and I was told that going home was probably a smart idea.

I felt really bad about leaving. Not only am I taking a 2 hour cut in pay {which really isn't that much}, but I'm never this sick. I had to bail on my friend, who'd already paid for my movie ticket. I felt even worse about that than I did leaving work. I was hoping that I might feel better enough to meet up with them anyway, but that wasn't the case. I got home and even with long pants, fuzzy socks, a t-shirt and three blankets, I was still freezing. I passed out almost right after laying down and didn't wake for a solid 3 hours. After that, I drank water in little bits and slowly, so as not to agitate my system. I didn't dare try any kind of food until I'd not had any stomach pain for a while.

Around 8:30, I was finally able to get out from under the covers without shivering and got dressed so that I could go get some soup. I got two cans, and a thing of Gatorade {for today} and made my way back home. The fever had apparently passed because it didn't take me long to warm back up. I was even able to take the socks off because I was getting too warm. I ate about half a can of chicken and rice soup. A couple hours later, I was back in bed and fell asleep pretty damn quickly.

Today, I'm sore. My rib cage hurts from hurling. However, the nausea is gone. Despite the fact that I'm feeling significantly better, I am going to be taking it easy today. I've already had quite a bit of water; I'm slowing working through a banana now. I feel really bad about having left work yesterday and bailing on my friend. I know that I was sick, but I would have felt less bad if the illness had carried over to today. 24 hour stomach bugs are the worst because you feel fine one minute, then really shitty for a day, then the next day it's like nothing had happened.

Hopefully everyone will forgive me. And that I'm not sick again for a long, long time.

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I leave for Vegas 3 weeks from Saturday. I'm pretty excited about it, despite how ridiculously broke I'll be for this trip. I may end up needing to take out a small loan, but I'm already going to be short on funds when I get back so I'd rather not be even farther behind. I need to start saving up for my big trip next year almost as soon as I get back.

I have no plans for my birthday... I'm broke, otherwise I'd go out for sushi. That will have to wait; it may end up waiting until I'm in Vegas. Who knows. I will be getting at least a small chocolate treat of some kind, though, I'm not sure what yet. At least I have the day off so I won't have to worry about work getting to me. I will be going to the gym at some point this weekend. And I have three days to choose from.

There really is nothing of importance to write about ... oh, wait. There kind of is. I'm not sure how much I can talk about it yet, but I suppose no one who knows me well enough actually reads this thing so I suppose I'm safe. I had an interview today for a permanent position within the company that I work for. For now, I have a limited contract, which is going to be up soon. It's kind of crazy how I've already been doing this new job for almost a year. It certainly doesn't feel like it. I have mixed feelings about the new position I applied for. I actually quite like my job now along with the people I work with. But things will be changing soon enough and I need something more stable and promising. I'd still be kind of doing the same thing, just in a different capacity. I may not even get it; if that's the case, then I just keep looking.

I need to get on a scale again sometime soon. I'd really like to know if I've made any more progress since the last time I got on the scale. Perhaps this weekend when I go to the gym; there's a scale in the locker room that I can use. I'm hoping for at least a little progress. And I'd like to lose 5 more pounds before I go to Vegas, but at this point, that may be pushing it.

This was kind of a rambling blog. No real rhyme or reason to it. I suppose that's the point; it's my blog and I can write however I please. I may write again during the weekend, but there's no guarantees. I will write again before I leave on my trip, that much I can promise.

Until next time. . .

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If you haven't heard about the fact that there was a total lunar eclipse tonight, which also happened to be a harvest moon, then you obviously have no access to the news, the internet, or really any form of communication with the outside world. It was pretty much advertised everywhere simply because this is the first time since 1982 that those particular events have lined up, and it'll be the year 2033 before this happens again. Of course, there will be plenty of total lunar eclipses and harvest moons between now and then, as there have been between 1982 and now; it's just the combination happening at the same time that's far and few between.

I went outside to the rooftop deck and watched it go from total to about half uncovered. The building behind me, where the moon was rising from, blocked the first part of the moon being covered; which, in my opinion, is far cooler to witness than watching it come out of a total eclipse. Oh well. Perhaps next time there's one, I'll go somewhere that has a clear view of the east. Full disclosure, if I had been at work, I'd have been up on the roof watching the whole thing, in succession, for the full 3ish hours that it would have been visible.

I did take some pictures; they came out about as well as one can expect from a Samsung Galaxy S6. I did use Instagram to try to filter out the light radiating from the neon Wonder Bread sign, but there's only so much that can happen when you don't have a professional camera. I'll actually be stalking someone on Facebook so that I can see what he managed to take with his DSLR. He's a friend of an old friend so there's really no reason for us to be Facebook friends {he's pretty particular even with people he knows, let alone someone like me} but a lot of his pictures are available to public view, which is nice since he takes some really nice ones.

I was actually pleasantly surprised to see that it was clear skies this evening. There were quite a few puffy white clouds throughout the day so I wasn't sure if I would have been able to see the moon. However, as it inched closer to sunset, the sky cleared and the temperature quickly dropped without the overhead blanket to keep the heat in. I'm so glad when the weather gods work in the favor is something like this. As much as I prefer clouds, these are the types of events I'd rather not miss.

This weekend was fairly uneventful. I went to the gym yesterday morning, like I usually try to do on Saturdays, then decided to go donate blood in the afternoon. Because of the accident that happened last week on the Aurora Bridge, the blood center was pretty busy. I didn't make an appointment because for some reason if I anticipate it, my pulse rises too much. However, because of being a walk-in, I ended up waiting 2 hours until all of the appointments were taken care of. Which is fine; I had nothing else to do yesterday. I figured this would give me the chance that if my pulse was off, I could try again on Tuesday at the blood drive my work is having. But I was able to donate so I won't have to worry about trying to get it all done within my hour lunch; if you've never given blood, the set up takes longer than the entire process of actually donating. That part only takes maybe 10 minutes max. Then you have to hang out for about 10 minutes afterward, eating cookies or drinking sugary drinks, to replace the blood sugar your body just lost. Last time I donated at work, I had a little over 10 minutes left in my lunch break before I had to clock back in.

Today I just hung around, did laundry, finished the book I'd been reading, and took a nap. In hindsight, the nap was probably a bad idea. I should be starting to get tired about now and I'm not feeling it... Hopefully in an hour I'll be more tired and can get some reasonable sleep tonight. Not sure if I'll write again before the end of the month.

Until next time. . .

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