Some sound advice on how to live.

1. Don't be like me. Maintain a good hygiene.
2. Walk the right path. A life of crime will lead to regret.
3. Think twice before making any bold decisions.

Some advice on living essentials. If you're house shopping, there's a lot to think about: the the tax, the neighborhood, the school system, even the street name. If you're car shopping, don't get teased by the cheap shit. With a couple grand, you can collect all 8; but, who wants to drive a happy meal?

Comment! (15) | Recommend! | Rate!

Work r0X0R. Besides the fact that there are no classes, assignments, and tests, there is another important reason work is better than school... the profound, enlightening conversations! For instance, I engaged in the following chat with my boss this morning:

me: Hey boss, how are you this fine morning?
boss: By fine morning, do you mean to ask me if I found an extremely tall oak tree growing from my belly button this morning, and thus, was met with the problem of cutting down a tree in the house without waking up my 4-year-old son?
me: By 4-year-old son, are you suggesting that if a cumulus cloud were to hover over an 8-year-old hen lost in the desert of Mazachika, it would be genetically altered to lay eggs from its mouth from then on?
boss: When you said lay eggs, is that a roundabout way of asking me if I have ever crashed my minivan into a candy store in downtown; you know, the one next to barbar shop that cuts hair for only $6.
me: —oh yea, I know that store.
boss: —And then, only to discover that the candy store was filled with midget flamingos imported from southern Venezuela?
me: By midget flamingos, are you in fact pondering—
boss: —Get out of my sight.

Comment! (11) | Recommend! | Rate!

What's the most intelligent 2-legged mammal?

No, not a human! An alien! Before you make any rash judgements about my sanity, please review the evidence I have gathered. Aliens are everywhere, often disguising themselves as pruned bushes. But I ask you, can a bush kidnap a child? Or store a nuclear weapon? Or possess a person? I think it's time we fight back.

What do you think?

Comment! (7) | Recommend! | Rate!

Driving home yesterday evening, I saw the funniest sight! There was this dog perched up high in a tree. And then, this scene grew even funnier!

The tree suddenly spontaneously combusted and the dog was engulfed in flames. It's desperate yelping, quickly, was drowned by the c(r)ackling of the fire. The situation was so absurd that I could not help but to laugh and wiggle my toes in combative motions.

Now that's what I call a hot dog! So, I ask you, what is the very moral of this tall, fiery tale?

Comment! (21) | Recommend! | Rate!

I've been really stressed out lately. It dawned on me early this week—damn woke me up in the dead of the night, at around 3am. Was it true? I thought hard and long, sweat dripping from my nose into my eyes. Was it really true? I decided to check.

I headed to the bathroom, nearly killed myself tripping over the man-eating reptile-snails. Oh no!! It looked to be true. But it is?

I felt them once. Again, and again. Oh jebus, they it felt real too. But how could this be??? Is my left ear lobe really 5.12c-6 touch-factors softer than my right?

I decided to test it out to know for sure. I scraped off skin cells from each ear lobe with cotton swabs. Then, I soaked them in a alc0mus33l1c solution. This test takes 32 years to complete. I will wait. Yes, I will.

Comment! (7) | Recommend! | Rate!

Tommorrow morning, I go to my first day of work. Here's my awesome setup right now.

I have my own hotel studio. Gotta queen size bed, a TV right before it... a kitchen to the left, with pots, pans, and a fridge. This totally r0x0rs!


Unfortunately, it costs about 900 a month and will be eating up most of my paycheck.
Also, I'm still on dialup here with 1 hr duration limits.
And finally, it is my misfortune that there was a family of dead skunks trapped in my microwave.

Comment! (10) | Recommend! | Rate!