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My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
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*big long-ass sigh*
Sunday. 6.10.07 7:05 pm
About the only improvement from last night is that I'm not crying, but the night is still young so its not definate that the tears won't come.

Stuart being mad at me cuz of a few hickies that I gave him is one of the stupidest reasons to be mad at me. And since the one he gave me is almost gone the ones on him should be almost gone by now, if they haven't disappeared already. Tonight will determine if he's still mad at me. I'm going to text message him like I usually do, and depending on how he responds, if he responds, will tell me everything. One can only hope for the best.

Gah! My burn is itching like crazy right now. The skin is peeling like a sunburn and its scabbed over in some spots. I want to scratch it so bad. I try rubbing it, but it only makes it itch worse. And when I try to ignore it {as I'm doing now} it just makes it itch that much more since I'm not scratching to relieve the pain. Grr!

I'm working on less than 3 hours of sleep right now and something tells me that I won't be sleeping that well tonight either. Hopefully I'll get more than 3 hours, though.

I'm working on Tuesday this week. It was my choice. There was a shift that needed to be covered and I need hours so I opted to work the shift. Its not like I'm going to be having company on Monday night and I certainly don't have any plans for Tuesday. At least this will benefit me in two ways, at the least. One, it gives me something to do and two, I'm getting paid. Money is always a good thing.

I don't really have anything else to say right now. I'll write again whenever.

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a pathetic waste
Sunday. 6.10.07 2:41 am
That's what I feel like right now. I'm sitting alone in my apartment at quarter till 3 in the morning crying because of how completely alone I am. I have no one.

Justin isn't talking to me for whatever reason. Stuart is mad at me cuz of how many hickies I left on him. And in all honesty, I didn't even mean to leave more than one or two. So he's not talking to me either.

I really wish that I had someone who I could call right now, but I don't. You know why? Cuz I'm a pathetic waste. I have one friend. And I can't call her this early in the morning.

Why? Why does it have to be like this? Just when I was finally happy about something, it had to all go out the window. I guess I'm just not allowed to be happy. Like, by some crazy ass fucked up coinsidence, if I'm happy the world will explode.

Its times like this I wish I could just disappear. Just vanish from the earth. Its times like this that make me wonder if I ever really will be happy. If I'll ever find someone who I can talk to at any hour of the day if I need to. Someone who I can confide in and not feel uncomfortable telling them things. Someone who I can trust not to turn their back on me the first time I even remotely screw up.

I'm supposed to be this perfect person who does nothing wrong. Who is supposed to do whatever is told of them whenever they are told. And I just can't do it. I can't keep crying myself to sleep because I don't feel appreciated. I can't live the rest of my life alone, but by the way things are going, it looks as though that's what's going to happen. If every person is going to abandon me when I need them, then I guess I just need to get used to the tears.

I hate being like this. Please, God, make it stop.

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In my eyes...
Saturday. 6.9.07 1:43 pm
I am single again. Justin and I have 'broken up.' I put quotes around it cuz I wasn't actually in a serious relationship, but we were still together enough to call one another boyfriend and girlfriend. The last I saw him was on Monday {or Wednesday, I can't exactly remember} and that's also the last time I talked to him. I've made the effort to call him and see what he's up to, but he's not showing the same effort in return. He's not returning my calls or my texts so I'm just not going to try anymore. If he wants to contact me, he will. I don't even care what the reason is anymore. He could come up with the most random excuse and it won't matter to me now. I'm done with him. And if he tries to look at it as me breaking up with him, I'll tell him "no, you broke up with me; a week ago when you stopped trying to keep in contact with me."

Anywho, I have a feeling I'm not going to be seeing Stuart again any time soon. He started talking last night about how you only get one life to live and he's not happy with the way that he's lived it so far. So he's going to be making changes. I thought that him going into the Marines was a big enough change, but apparently I was wrong. Oh well. Maybe I'll see him, maybe I won't. Only time will tell. Unfortunately I don't really have a whole lot of time to spare anymore.

Last night I started looking up available jobs in Las Vegas. Its sort of a 50/50 type of thing. I can't get a promising job in any casino until I'm 21, but there are plenty of non-casino jobs that are available. The thing is, I need a job right away when I get out there. However, I'm not going to be committing to any one specific job when I get it since I'll be 21 in October. I actually started formulating a plan in the way of jobs. I'll get a non-casino job when I first get out there and after I take my 10-11 day vacation to celebrate my 21st birthday, I'll start to look into serious jobs and at that point I won't be limitted by age. Its kind of funny cuz I actually just thought of that idea.

Alright, I can't think of anything else to say right now. I'll write again whenever I have something to write about.

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*sigh*
Friday. 6.8.07 7:40 pm
I have a feeling that Justin and I are just about done with the 'relationship' thing. I haven't talked to him or seen him in a few days, at least, and I'm actually not terribly bothered by it. I've made an effort to contact him and see if he wants to do anything, but he hasn't felt it necessary to call me back. Whatever. Its things like this that keep me from feeling bad about having Stuart come over.

Today was just ehh. It wasn't good, it wasn't bad, it was just ehh. I'm off work tomorrow and I'm glad about it. I have no plans except to do laundry. I know, I know, I live such an exciting life.

I'm having trouble from scratching at my burn. I already know its going to scar {I'm perfectly okay with it} I just wish it wouldn't itch as much as it does. Oh well.

I'm so ready to be done with my job. I'm ready to quit right now, but I can't afford to yet. So I have to tolerate the next 19 days that I have to work. I actually have 4 weeks before I quit, but excluding the days I have off, I only have 19 days left of actual work. Crazy.

Anywho, I don't really know what else to say right now. So I guess I'll write again whenever.

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hmm
Thursday. 6.7.07 11:39 am
I don't really know what I want to write. Nothing special happened today. It was slow/somewhat steady at work. It was a fairly good night. Except the asshole customers that came in and ordered food less than an hour before we closed. {they weren't actually assholes, per say, but the fact that them ordering food kept me from going home made them assholes in my eyes}

I didn't go to sleep until around 5:00am and I didn't get up till 1:00pm. I was awake at 10 this morning, but I just didn't feel like getting up. So I just stayed in bed and dozed till one. I didn't have to go to work until 5:00pm and I was actually glad about that. I didn't get the hours that I wanted, but I just wasn't up to working that much this week.

I kind of want company tonight, but since its quarter till midnight right now, I know that I won't have company. Justin is asleep, Stuart ... I don't even know what Stuart is doing and David ... I just won't see him till tomorrow at work. Even if it were quarter till noon, I wouldn't be seeing David cuz I just don't call or text him. I wonder when we'll be going out.

My burn is healing. Its itching, that's how I know its healing. I wonder what the scar will look like. I guess I'll find out soon enough.

That's it. I have nothing else.

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Ahh!
Wednesday. 6.6.07 8:01 pm
That's how I felt today. It wasn't necessarily busy, but it was chaotic. I was running around doing, like, 4 different people's jobs. There were only 3 people working today. Steve was driver so he was out of the store for the greater part of the day and he was sick so even when he was in the store, he wasn't much help. Nic was pizza, but since I trust myself more than him to stay in the store alone, he was running around doing the odds and ends that Liz needed done. So I was getting the register, answering the phones, making pizza, doing kitchen orders and trying to do prep. I was running around the store like a chicken without its head. The only word to describe it is chaotic.

I was very glad to be out of there. I don't have to be in tomorrow until 5:30, but I'll probably end up going in an hour early.

My burn wasn't bothering me ... until this morning when I forgot about it after my shower and rubbed the towel right over it. I was instantly reminded that I had a burn on my arm. Now it itches and it hurts whenever it rubs against something. Grr. Here's a pic of it:





Anywho, I don't think I'm going to have company tonight. David has to work, Justin hasn't called me and I haven't seen Stuart in a bit. So I guess I'll be bored and alone tonight. Oh well. It won't be any different than any other night.

Peace out Nutangers!

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