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My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
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Tuesday. 8.7.07 3:15 pm
There is so much going through my mind right now, its almost a little ridiculous. Lets see, I need to call the places that I applied at so that I can see about scheduling interviews; I need to remember exactly when I filled out the ones online so that I can give it a full week to process into their systems {I don't want it to sound like I'm desperate, even though I'm starting to feel that way}; I'm thinking about getting my license; about possibly getting two jobs so that I'll have more money available to me; about when would be a good time to start searching for a car; about when would be a good time to actually seriously look into getting my own place {I know which complex I want to move into; I just need to see if they do 6 or 9 month leases}

I'm also thinking about certain things that are more of a focus than they actually should be: guys; two in specific.
Stuart is still a focus on my mind and there are still things that upset me. I'm working on getting over him and its, at least a little, better than when I left Tucson. I think it might help that we never dated, but I felt for him like we had, even though I knew we didn't. Its sort of confusing. I'm going to have to deal with not talking to him at all soon enough. He'll be going into Marine bootcamp and then he'll be shipped off to Iraq or Afghanastan {I can't remember exactly which} for upwards of at least a year or longer. I don't want to think about that yet though.

Charlie is the other focus on my mind right now. In a sense I'm thinking about him more than I should simply to keep my mind off of Stuart. One of the downfalls in doing so is that its causing me to like him more than I should. I haven't seen Charlie in 5 years and we haven't really talked that much. He has my number, but he hasn't called me and I don't have his number so I can't call him. We've only talked through myspace. He's camping right now, but he said that he'd call me when he got back so that we can work out a date and time when we can get together and hang out. I'm looking really forward to seeing him, but the part of my mind that's afraid it won't happen is keeping my excitement under control. Two parts of my mind are fighting: the one that's hoping he'll like me {which would make it a little easier} and the part that's trying to convince me he won't. The only thing I can do is wait and see. Not an easy task for an impatient person.

I think that's it, but it seems like so much more cuz I can't seem to focus on exactly one thing. And a lot of the things flying around through my mind are repeating themselves over and over, making it harder to focus.

About the only time when my thoughts are not zooming around in my head is when I'm reading and I'm focused only on the book. I had trouble focusing on HP7; though I did like the book, there were parts of it that made my mind wander off. With the Twilight series, however, I am almost completely wrapped up in the book, nevermind that this is the third time I'm reading the them. Its in anticipation for Eclipse {which came out today! yay!!!} which I'll be buying hopefully sometime between tomorrow and Friday.

The way she writes the story, it makes you think that it could be real; and it helps that she sets the story in real places, real locations in the world. Some of the characters, though, are completely fictional {however there are some people who actually believe in vampires and werewolves} The way the story goes it almost makes me want to believe in them. There's a small part of me that hopes there's someone out there that's as perfect for me as Edward is for Bella.

Anywho, I think I've written enough. I shall end this here.

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Sunday. 8.5.07 2:24 pm
Its at this point in time that I'm greatful for books. They keep me distracted. I'm now reading my third book in the last, I dunno, couple weeks. I've still got two more books that I know I'm going to read, as well as finishing the one that I'm reading now.

I haven't talked to Stuart in a few days. It pains me, but I knew it was going to be like this. I really don't know what I want anymore. I know that I want to see him and I want to talk to him every night, like I used to, but I ... I dunno. Reading every night keeps my mind in the book and off Stuart. It still upsets me a little, when I put the book down and look at the clock, knowing that I went another night without talking to him. Ugh, I need to get over him. Its starting to happen, but its still going to take time ... and more distractions.

Another minor dilema I'm having right now is that I'm doing something I shouldn't to keep my mind off Stuart. I'm putting a lot of focus on Charlie. I haven't even seen him yet {and there's always that part of me that's afraid it won't happen.} I've only been talking to him on myspace. But the way that I'm always trying to think about him instead of Stuart is making me like him, probably more than I should. If he doesn't like me in return {which I sort of doubt he would} it could cause for some awkward situations and an unpleasant end to the friendship that we have. I don't want that to happen.

I keep picturing how things would go if he were to like me; it makes for a much more pleasant thought process, but that's all it is though. I need to keep my mind from wandering too far ... but I'm afraid that it already has. Its awesome isn't it? How you always manage to go from one complication right into another.

Anywho, I need to finish reading Twilight and then start and finish New Moon. I don't think I'll be getting Eclipse the day it comes out, but maybe the day after. So I should be occupied with these books for at least another week.

Oh, my b-day is 2 months from today. I'm nowhere near as excited about it as I was 2 months ago or 6 months ago. I think I built it up too much.

Alright, I think that's it for now. I'll write again whenever.

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Friday. 8.3.07 5:29 pm
Even though I was in an air conditioned car most of the time I was out, the heat is still tiring. The fact that I also only got 4 hours of off and on sleep probably didn't help. I can go on 3 or 4 hours of solid sleep, but if its broken up, I have more trouble.

First we went to my mom's work to pick up her check. Then we went to the bank to cash her check and deposit the money that she owed me back into my account. Afterwards we went to Payless so that I could turn in my application {all the others I filled out online} While there, I bought some socks. They're cute; one pair is black with white dots and the other has green and white stripes. They're hecka mucho comfy too.

Once we were done there, we headed over to The Texas Cafe. I got a delicious chicken caesar salad. My sister got a California cob salad and the two of us split shrimp cocktail. My mom got an omelet wtih french toast, hashbrowns and a side of sausage. All in all, it was a decent meal. We played a game of Keno while there; walked away with twice what we put on it {we spent $2, won $4; not a big deal}

After we were full on food we headed up to Target cuz my mom needed to get socks. My sister and I looked around while we were there. I was very tempted to get a few tank tops that looked incredibly comfortable, but since I still don't have a job, I can't afford it right now. My sister wanted to buy a bag since it was on clearance for only $5, but realized that she would probably never use it so she decided against it.

Once we left Target we came home. The only thing that took us way up out of our way was the 25, 30 minute trip to the realiter's office so my mom could pay her rent. There were two minor accidents on the way there. No wonder they call it a suicide lane.

Now I'm home and I'm very tempted to lay down and nap for a couple hours, but that would mean I'd be awake tonight ... again. I need to get out of the habit of staying up till 5, 6, 7 in the morning especially if I'm going to be working during the day. If I get a night job however, it won't be a problem. I'm not really too picky as to what times I work; I just need a job.

I'm out of chocolate again, and I'm almost out of water. I went through a 24 pack of 1/2 liter bottles of water in a matter of only 6 days. Which is normal for me; I usually drink about 2 liters of water a day, if not more.

My icons and task bar on my computer keep disappearing. The window that I have open along with AIM and myspaceIM stay open, but when I go to click on the start menu, the tast bar is gone. I minimize the window I have open and all the icons are gone. The only way I can restart my computer is by ctrl-alt-deleting it and clicking on the shut down option. Its extremely frustrating, especially since its been happening to me 3 or 4 times a day in the last few days. I need to have my computer professionally looked at, but I can't afford it right now. I want it to just fix itself, but I seriously and highly doubt that'll happen.

Alright, I do believe I have made this seemingly pointless entry long enough. I will put you out of your misery of having to read any more by ending it here.

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time wasted
Thursday. 8.2.07 10:54 pm
I was awake at 9:30 this morning, but instead of getting up, I dozed back off and ended up not getting up till almost 2. I should have been up and out doing stuff, but I didn't. I wasted it by sleeping and then doing nothing. I'm such a procrastinator.

I did manage to fill out applications today. I will be going out tomorrow, no ifs, ands or buts. Tomorrow is my mom's payday and I'll be going out with her so that I can turn in what I need to and talk to people that I can. My sister will be coming with us; apparently she usually goes with mom on payday. We'll be going out to brunch while we're out. It should be a nice day.

Since I hadn't heard from Charlie, I mustered up courage and sent him a message asking him if he'd be up to hanging out sometime soon. He responded 'I'd love to, but I'm going camping with family... but if you're still up to it, I'll definately call you as soon as I get back... on the 13th.' So I'm half expecting a phone call from him on or around the 13th. I'm really looking forward to seeing him. I wonder if anything will happen ... *cough*

I still talk to Stuart, but its not every night anymore. I still get a little bothered if I don't talk to him, but its not as bad as when I first got out here. I still miss him a lot and there are certain things I can't watch or listen to cuz it triggers certain memories that upset me, but he's not the main thing on my mind anymore.

I started re-rereading Twilight last night. After which I'll be re-rereading New Moon in anticipation for Eclipse. I'm actually excited about Eclipse coming out, moreso than HP7. Its a good series. If you have the opportunity to read it, do so.

Uhm, I don't really have anything else to talk about so I'll write again whenever.

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Wednesday. 8.1.07 3:19 pm
So I finished HP7 around 9 this morning. I was close enough to the end, I fought to keep my eyes open and my vision clear so that I would be able to finish. The book was good. There were some parts where I wasn't particularly drawn to it and I was able to put it down easier, but the last 5 or so chapters had me wanting to turn the page. It was well worth spending the money that I didn't have to get it.

In other news, it actually rained for a bit today. Like, actual rain. It hasn't done that here in, from what I've been told, months. Unfortunately, I was asleep when most of the rain fell and I had to ask my mom whether it had actually happened or if I was just imagining it. If I was more awake, I probably would have gone out and played in it.

A C-5 military transport plane flew above us about 10 minutes ago. Due to the cloud cover it was flying low and the sound eminating off of it made the windows rattle. It freaked the cat out a little. He hissed as we {Jean, mom and I} went past him to see how low the aircraft was flying. He seems to have calmed down; he's no longer jump{ier than usual.}

My mom's b-day is Tuesday. My sister and I need to get together and dicuss strategy for getting out of the house to buy gifts {seeing as how I can't borrow her car just yet, it proves more difficult than it sounds} We also need to discuss what she wants in the way of dinner so that the four of us {Jean, Steve, my sister and me} can plan on how we're going to pay for it.

The applications that I got on Monday are still sitting on my table, not filled out. I need to fill them out today so that tomorrow I can go out and turn them in and possibly schedule interviews. Should be loads of effing fun.

Uhm, I don't really know what else to say right now so I guess I'll write later.

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Monday. 7.30.07 11:35 pm
Today I went out and got a handful more applications that I need filled out by Thursday {that's when I'll be able to go back out again} There are a few stores that I went to where the only way to apply is online, so I'll most likely be doing that either tomorrow or Wednesday sometime. The only one that gets me is the "application" that I got at Office Depot. It was not just one or two pages. Its a whole frickin packet. I haven't actually looked at it yet, but I can already tell its going to be loads of fun when the time comes to fill it out ... {note the sarcasm}

Anywho, I'm still working on reading HP7. I'm not deeply into finding out what happens; otherwise I'm sure I would have been done with the book by now. I was more excited about receiving it cuz it meant that I'd have something to do. I'm actually looking more forward to when Eclipse comes out. Then I'll be excited. Most likely after I read Eclipse, I'll read another book by Ted Dekker, called Obsession.

Charlie still hasn't called me. I was really hoping he would by now. Maybe he's just really that busy that he can't call. Or when he's not busy, he doesn't remember. I'm not really sure which one I'm hoping it is.
**And for those who asked, Charlie is a friend that I knew back in Freshman and Sophomore year {moreso in sophomore year} that I had a crush on. He's a year and three weeks younger than me and he went to a different school than me, but I met him through his older brother, who was my drum major {those in band will know that term} I originally had a crush on the older brother, but then I met Charlie and my crush was averted to him. I found him {oddly enough, through his brother} via myspace and I've been talking to him off and on through there. When I got back to Vegas, I let him know and told him to call me whenever. That was a little over a week ago. . . The dreams that I've been having about him aren't really helping me stay patient.

Stuart managed to crawl into my dreams again last night. Its slightly easier going a night or two without talking to him, but not by much. The dreams aren't helping me in this situation either. I have to keep fighting the urge to text him. Half the time I don't even know what to say; I just want to talk to him. I've even thought, a couple times, about calling him, knowing he wouldn't answer just to hear his voice in the voicemail message. But I know that wouldn't make it any easier.

My mom's b-day is in a week. I have really no idea what to get her. My sister and I want to get her a computer, but with me not having a job and a $300 cable bill that I still owe, I'm really lacking money. I'll be lucky if I can get together with Steve & Jean and maybe combine efforts to pay for dinner for her. Other than a few small gifts, that's about all I'll be able to get her. Since a computer for her b-day is pretty much out of the question, maybe we can have the money by Christmas for the computer. One can only hope.

Hmm, it seems that when I do nothing all day, I have more to talk about. Weird. But with that, I'm out of stuff to talk about for now so I'll write more later.

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