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What really grinds my gears
Thursday. 7.12.07 11:37 am
Insecurities have made me who I am today. My lack of self-esteem in myself from years past was the trigger to bury my former self and resurrect a better individual; at least, I would hope so.

Seriously, I have no idea what was going on in my head before where I had to literally pretend to be someone else to feel accepted. I think it was because I couldn't accept myself: physically, mentally and especially emotionally. Looking back, I can see how much my encounters with people and the activities I partcipated in my past have totally shaped who I am now.

My fallout with some of those I considered close at one point to my sudden and abrupt dropout of a hiphop dance team to infidelity to an eventual breakdown... it's been one hell of a ride. Of course I contributed to a lot of my burdens, but if none of that happened, where, or WHO, would I be now? Sometimes I click on random blogs from the jump off points on my page and I get inspiration from those that I read. Some people have several followers as seen by the comments, others have absolutely none. But does that mean the latter isn't as equal as the former? No. It just means that someone has yet to appreciate their thoughts enough to leave a trackback, not some stupid pornomatic spambot with those dumb links to whatever tickles your pickle porn.

I've never been one to get nekkid on my blog, but is it an increasing trend? I mean, WOW. Some people have balls (no pun intended) to do such a thing. Not that I'm not confident enough in myself to do the same, but it's just, you know, not my thing. Besides, I feel like if I ever resorted to that I would feel trashy. Not saying that those who do are, but that is definitely relative to the individual. If done creatively, than it could be a beautiful thing, but otherwise, you might as well have exhibitionist tatted on your forehead and call it a day. But I guess some people like that as well.

Alright, enough with the incessant banter. I need to get back to work while watching Naruto 3 on the iPhone.

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Dip it low
Friday. 7.6.07 7:12 pm
So, as usual, I found it difficult to get out of bed this morning. I'm really not a morning person at all. AT ALL. So yeah, every morning is an arduous task of getting away from the sanctuary that is my bed and preparing myself to face the world head on one more day.

The day has gone by pretty fast for the most part. I'm glad that it's Friday, and I was also glad for the 2 days of rest I got from independence day. A little satisfaction can add up to a lot of accomplishments later down the road. With all that said, I'm just waiting for mother dear to finish off what she needs to do at her desk before we take the trolley home. Speaking of family, we ended up watching Live Free or Die Hard at Fashion Valley on 4th of July, rather than watching the sky explode with fireworks like I have been doing for the past 22 years of my life. I did drive by a wrecked Benz just before the 28th street exit on the way home though around 10ish, so I guess that and all the camera magic on the big screen was our equivalent this year.

I'm also quite torn between birthday options: Disneyland, La Costa, Hyatt, or ________? (insert suggestion here).

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