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Tuesday. 6.1.04 11:44 am
i was reading and all of a sudden i saw haze. i saw the world as it shouldnt be and the words turned and twisted filling the cracks, drowning me


reaching to take a sip, she became the mindless zombie in which the dark swallows and the lovely laugh at.


the lights are blinking the red is flashing and the blood is sinking into the world into what souls are left. into everything.


the music plays and the games runs through, leaving everything broken, new. mario chimes in, words deafing. lets see.


its suppose to be cold. but the warm is seeping in. its suppose to be warm. but cold begins to feeze. its not what its to be. its not everything.


they want to take you away, you beg them just to get away there isnt anywhere to run to and the eyes follow you.


waking from the dream. screaming because the dreams. seeing everything but then going blind in due course. of course. i see now.


questions meant to leave you. answers meant to take you. writings meant to kill you. and words meant to see you.


leave it be.

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Monday. 5.31.04 12:00 pm
the dreams are coming and the world is closing


the strongs in them and the weak are leaving the possbilities are slim and the world is mine. i dont know but then again what is there to find. the world will reveal and let me know in time


its time to go but all i want to do is stay theres no where to turn so i might as well get up and run away. i think i;m ready now but im cracking down on everything and letting everyone filter through as life begets what little it has to. i thought i was ready then. i thought many things then. i wonder now if what i think if what i am is really what i should really what i can. who knows. the secrets that run untold. who cares those many nights of things left unsaid, undared. i wont turn to the deadly but then again i cant live and say undoubtly that i am what i will be and that i will be what i am. i cant but then again i always will. i'll run and walk at steady will. its ok. i'll hold the demons at bay. worry not, there isnt much to do. worry not, there isnt much you can do. dont give up. cause thats percicsly what i'll do....

indefinatly that is where you will be. and most unfortuantly that is where i will be.

welcome me. for all that i can see. is your face though un wanting, your eyes, though i fear it. and your mind, though i dont know it. this isnt my world, and there is nothing i control

this isnt my fate and theres so much left to satiate but then again you are here tainting what little i have left and muddling in matters you are unaware of. interesting...


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Saturday. 5.29.04 12:57 pm
people are worthless...

i'm worthless

eh. things traveling through this mind in which i cannot and will not confront.

i laugh.

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Friday. 5.28.04 4:34 pm
so much to write. So little that i will...

hrm. its been interesting, its been alot of things. hrm. im intrigued though already bored. hrm. summer. it'll so much and nothing at all. i'll enjoy it.

chilled with jessica.

it was nice.

im QUITING smoking.......... i think...


theres so much going on right now in my head but then again i dont think that i can spill it here. somewhere else. people actually read this. eh.

dude. dreams. i hate them. i swear. why do i dream about him? why. i tell my self, no its good, letting go, going to excommunicate the kid and probably all during summer, then i have a dream. that dream. wtf is wrong with me? man, stupid kid. stupid dreams. stupid mind.

shall i bitch more?


i'm done for now.

so vague.

yet, incredibly detailed.


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Tuesday. 5.25.04 9:11 pm
I don’t know what to do anymore… fuck….

I’m fucking depressed, this sucks. I don’t know why…

Actually, I do know why and I don’t want to admit it to my self so I feel as if I should run from it. Not a good thing but something that I am going to do anyways. Shit…

I really do hate my self.


I don’t want life to be like that. But then again I cant help but have it that way. I don’t want life to be as it will be, but there is nothing else that I can do.


Theres more to say, theres more to do theres more

But I wont will I? I will wallow in my fears and be the sad fuck I am….


ok that was earlier...

i want to hurt him. hurt him to get away from me. hurt him because of so much. cant bring my self to do it. like him all too much.

eh. i am shit...

hey jess, ok i have school tommorow but only until... uh i uno.. lol but, uh. meet me at shiloh. we'll chill. i might bring this kid over. he's cute... uh. but yeah. let me look up the time and then i can tell you when i will be at shiloh.

ok i'll be there around 11 ish we get out at 10:30.

ok. well. i'm otu. late

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eh, stupid ramble
Monday. 5.17.04 8:14 pm
HmmMmmm Hmm Hmm HmmMm HhmMmmm

i wrote the song of my life, i just spilled the secerts i know i just let go of so much but i cant say i wont tell i wont do as you have done.....

interesting. that song. wow. will i do it? who is it that i sing about? who is it that i write those lyrics for, who is that i feel for? who is it?

my dreams are confusing once again. My life, tumoltous once again, but my heart clear as ever. my mind, muddled as ever.

who knows....

i cant figure it out. i cant figure out who it is that plauges my dreams... who it is that i sing about, who it is i write about....

hm.... its not him. i know that much. and its not him. i know that too. but then, who?




ok i wrote that this morning and now a day has passed and episodes have commenced. Hrm.

ahh that kid is SO cute. haha. man, i ride the bus with the kid and the well, lets just say the kids is so cute and i plan to hang out with him. this whole car thing will help too, and if not, well i live like 2 feet away from him. cute, too cute....

ok that was my boy story lol...

i saw jessica, talked to her. things have changed we've progressed but now, i think its time. time to reenter it. i hav e to be careful though, lets see what happens.

more to be written later....

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