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Monday. 8.13.07 3:24 pm
~~This entry will contain some things that are "girly" so here is a precautionary warning for those males {or even females} who don't want to read about it. ~~

I finished Eclipse last night! Oh my, it was awesome! I'm seriously debating reading it again. There are parts in that book that made me actually laugh out loud. Its a good thing I was reading it at night whilst everyone was asleep otherwise I would have gotten strange looks. OMG, it was amazing. I need to find out when the next book is coming out; the suspense and patience I'm going to have to extrude is going to kill me.

While reading the book, two thoughts crossed my mind, one which my sister brought up to me. {this is where you might not wanna read} She came out and asked me, "Since Bella is a normal human girl, and she spends all her time with Edward, what do they do when she's on her period? Wouldn't that make the scent of the blood even stronger?" Its a valid point. I'm actually sort of glad Stephenie Meyer didn't go into the details of that, but it does make me wonder.

The other thing that came across my mind {this is a spoiler, so if you haven't read the book and are intending on doing so ... skip over this section} is the act of sex. I had thought about it occasionally when I read the other two books, but in Eclipse when Bella came to the conclusion she wanted to and Edward agreed {under specific compromises} my thought became more pronounced. If, to achieve an erection, which requires mostly blood, how would it work with Edward? He's, in a matter of speaking, dead seeing as how his heart is no longer beating. How would he get the blood flowing in order to properly achieve an erection? Maybe he'd have to be freshly fed, I don't know. But the curiosity has got the better of me right now.

If you read through that and were in any way disgusted or irked, you can't say I didn't warn you.

Anywho, I was rudely awoken again this morning. This cat is really starting to get on my nerves. It wasn't the same yelling and screaming of yesterday. Instead it was obnoxiously loud yelps and barks. Twice this morning it happened and altogether, I got maybe 5 hours of sleep. I was ready to punt the cat out the window. . . Not literally, but you get what I mean.

Charlie is back from his camping trip, but he hasn't called me yet. I'm having a strong feeling that he won't, but I really, really want him to. Then again, I think he just got back today, so maybe I need to give it some time. I don't want to wait, though. I've been waiting, since I gave him my number. Ugh!

Alright, that's all that seems to be coming to my mind so I shall write again whenever.

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Rude awakening
Sunday. 8.12.07 2:45 pm
There's this outdoor cat that the neighbor's have that likes to wander around our house. Its a male cat whose name is Tank. Apparently this morning, he sprayed the front door ...

Booffer is my sister's cat, also male. He is strictly an indoor cat; I think she lets him out in the backyard every-so-often, but other than that, he stays indoors. Well, he's not fixed yet, and although its what makes him go crazy over the {fixed} female cat that also lives here, it also means that he can spray too.

Around 8:50am, this is when Booffer realizes that Tank sprayed the front door because he can smell it on the floor right by the base of the door. He starts to yell. Not meow, but literally yell at the top of his lungs to alert everyone of the incident. The fact that we have tile floors, rather than carpet, didn't help the echo. His obsurd yelling woke me up.

My sister finally woke up {I somehow doubt anyone would have been able to sleep through the cat's horrific screams} and she came out to investigate. I pointed it out to her that he was going crazy at the base of the front door and after a few minutes she went outside to clean off the door. Once she sprayed some stuff on the floor, cat-deterent if you will, he quieted down some. I was considering just getting up for the day then, but I ended up dozing off again before the decision was made.

His cries and yelling were worse than cats fighting.

Anywho, I haven't written in a few days, but nothing interesting enough has happened that requires a full entry. I started reading Eclipse; I'm well into the book right now. I wouldn't be suprised if I finish up the last 14 chaters tonight. I know, though, that once I hit a certain spot in the book, even if I'm tired, I'll force myself to finish it.

I went to the DMV last Friday, but only after waiting in the long ass line for half an hour did I realize that I forgot my birth certificate. The time spent there was wasted. I'm unable to go back to the DMV until Thursday, at the earliest. This process is starting to be more of a pain in the ass than I was hoping to have to deal with.

I'm still jobless. I've been here for a month and I still haven't gotten a job. I realize that part of it is my fault for not putting forth more effort, but ... ugh. I need a job.

At this point in time I can't really think of anything else to say so I'll write again whenever.

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Thursday. 8.9.07 9:44 pm
I bought Eclipse today.

Now I just need to finish re-rereading New Moon. I should be able to start on Eclipse tomorrow night.

I've been craving pizza for the last week. I finally got it. Pizza Hut's stuffed crust buffalo chicken pizza. It was tasty.

I've had two DVDs from Blockbuster for over a month now; I should probably watch and return them. Maybe I won't watch them. I'm thinking about just returning them. By the time I get around to watching the DVDs, with my luck, they'd already be on the movie channels and I could watch them then. Oh well.

Anywho, I don't really have a whole lot to say tonight. This way too, it saves you from having to read the same thoughts that I keep repeating like a broken record. And also from having to read a much longer than necessary entry.

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Thursday. 8.9.07 12:38 am
These are just some random thoughts that are going through my mind right now. I don't expect them to make any sense. You don't have to read if you don't want to nor do you have to comment. I would make this private, but no one that I know {aside from maybe my sister} actually read this.

I wouldn't say that I fell in love with him, nor would I even use the word "love," but the feeling that I had for him was stronger than just a simple crush. I don't cry about it anymore; mainly because I can't cry. I have no privacy here. I can't even go outside; the doors chime when you open them and the garage door makes too much noise. He's on my mind every day. Though, due to the time we've been apart, he's not the main focus anymore.

I still get upset when I go a day or night without talking to him, but its to be expected now, especially with him working 10+ hours a day. I can't listen to certain songs because they make me think of him. And there's one movie that I love, but can't watch because its the one movie we went out to the theater to see together. It would make more sense if we had been a couple, if we had been legitimately together, but we weren't so this doesn't make a lot of sense to me, nor would it make sense to anyone else.

A very, very small part of me wants him to go into the service already just so that I know he's unavailable to talk. So that I don't think that he's ignoring me when he doesn't answer a text. But when he finally does go in, I'm pretty sure that'll be the last time I'll hear from him. I certainly hope it doesn't end up that way, but there's a part of me that's afraid it will.

Its getting to the point where I'm refering to it as "pathetic" when I talk about it to Tiff. I'm pathetically hopeless.

Another thing that's bothering me right now is the one out here. Its been 5 years since I've seen him and I haven't yet talked to him outside of myspace messages. I don't even remember what his voice sounds like. He told me that he would love to hang out and that he'd call me when he got back from his camping trip. Part of me is afraid that he won't call. I really want to see him again, but I'm afraid it'll ... I dunno ... go all wrong? I'm not sure what the right words would be. I'm hopeful, but afraid and cautious at the same time.

I know that I'm sounding incredibly repetative {to those few who actually keep up with my blog} with all this, but its still bothering me. And since I'm sort of limited on being able to show my feelings outwardly, I have to resort to this.

I guess that's it for now. Oh, I did some backtracking on my blogs, just for fun, and I do believe I found one of the longest blog entries, ever. It has no breaks and I can't even imagine how long it took me to write out the whole thing. It even beats out etheracide's long entries, by far. Its on the 77th page {last I checked} and the title is "And so it begins ..." The password is lost; I don't really want you to read them, hence the password protection, but I want you to see just how incredibly long it is. Read if you must, but just rememer, those were from over 2 years ago and I was dealing with a bad breakup with my ex.

And with that, I end this entry here.

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Tuesday. 8.7.07 3:15 pm
There is so much going through my mind right now, its almost a little ridiculous. Lets see, I need to call the places that I applied at so that I can see about scheduling interviews; I need to remember exactly when I filled out the ones online so that I can give it a full week to process into their systems {I don't want it to sound like I'm desperate, even though I'm starting to feel that way}; I'm thinking about getting my license; about possibly getting two jobs so that I'll have more money available to me; about when would be a good time to start searching for a car; about when would be a good time to actually seriously look into getting my own place {I know which complex I want to move into; I just need to see if they do 6 or 9 month leases}

I'm also thinking about certain things that are more of a focus than they actually should be: guys; two in specific.
Stuart is still a focus on my mind and there are still things that upset me. I'm working on getting over him and its, at least a little, better than when I left Tucson. I think it might help that we never dated, but I felt for him like we had, even though I knew we didn't. Its sort of confusing. I'm going to have to deal with not talking to him at all soon enough. He'll be going into Marine bootcamp and then he'll be shipped off to Iraq or Afghanastan {I can't remember exactly which} for upwards of at least a year or longer. I don't want to think about that yet though.

Charlie is the other focus on my mind right now. In a sense I'm thinking about him more than I should simply to keep my mind off of Stuart. One of the downfalls in doing so is that its causing me to like him more than I should. I haven't seen Charlie in 5 years and we haven't really talked that much. He has my number, but he hasn't called me and I don't have his number so I can't call him. We've only talked through myspace. He's camping right now, but he said that he'd call me when he got back so that we can work out a date and time when we can get together and hang out. I'm looking really forward to seeing him, but the part of my mind that's afraid it won't happen is keeping my excitement under control. Two parts of my mind are fighting: the one that's hoping he'll like me {which would make it a little easier} and the part that's trying to convince me he won't. The only thing I can do is wait and see. Not an easy task for an impatient person.

I think that's it, but it seems like so much more cuz I can't seem to focus on exactly one thing. And a lot of the things flying around through my mind are repeating themselves over and over, making it harder to focus.

About the only time when my thoughts are not zooming around in my head is when I'm reading and I'm focused only on the book. I had trouble focusing on HP7; though I did like the book, there were parts of it that made my mind wander off. With the Twilight series, however, I am almost completely wrapped up in the book, nevermind that this is the third time I'm reading the them. Its in anticipation for Eclipse {which came out today! yay!!!} which I'll be buying hopefully sometime between tomorrow and Friday.

The way she writes the story, it makes you think that it could be real; and it helps that she sets the story in real places, real locations in the world. Some of the characters, though, are completely fictional {however there are some people who actually believe in vampires and werewolves} The way the story goes it almost makes me want to believe in them. There's a small part of me that hopes there's someone out there that's as perfect for me as Edward is for Bella.

Anywho, I think I've written enough. I shall end this here.

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Sunday. 8.5.07 2:24 pm
Its at this point in time that I'm greatful for books. They keep me distracted. I'm now reading my third book in the last, I dunno, couple weeks. I've still got two more books that I know I'm going to read, as well as finishing the one that I'm reading now.

I haven't talked to Stuart in a few days. It pains me, but I knew it was going to be like this. I really don't know what I want anymore. I know that I want to see him and I want to talk to him every night, like I used to, but I ... I dunno. Reading every night keeps my mind in the book and off Stuart. It still upsets me a little, when I put the book down and look at the clock, knowing that I went another night without talking to him. Ugh, I need to get over him. Its starting to happen, but its still going to take time ... and more distractions.

Another minor dilema I'm having right now is that I'm doing something I shouldn't to keep my mind off Stuart. I'm putting a lot of focus on Charlie. I haven't even seen him yet {and there's always that part of me that's afraid it won't happen.} I've only been talking to him on myspace. But the way that I'm always trying to think about him instead of Stuart is making me like him, probably more than I should. If he doesn't like me in return {which I sort of doubt he would} it could cause for some awkward situations and an unpleasant end to the friendship that we have. I don't want that to happen.

I keep picturing how things would go if he were to like me; it makes for a much more pleasant thought process, but that's all it is though. I need to keep my mind from wandering too far ... but I'm afraid that it already has. Its awesome isn't it? How you always manage to go from one complication right into another.

Anywho, I need to finish reading Twilight and then start and finish New Moon. I don't think I'll be getting Eclipse the day it comes out, but maybe the day after. So I should be occupied with these books for at least another week.

Oh, my b-day is 2 months from today. I'm nowhere near as excited about it as I was 2 months ago or 6 months ago. I think I built it up too much.

Alright, I think that's it for now. I'll write again whenever.

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