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where were you?
Tuesday. 9.11.07 2:03 am
Obviously no one of this generation will forget what happened on September 11th 2001 and everyone in the future who was not around on that day will be studying it in history books. I do believe that its already a part of the US History books that are in schools and has been since I was a senior or just before.

I won't forget that day, as no one else will, but it didn't hit me as hard as it did some others who were more directly affected. I was out here, in Las Vegas, and it was a school day, sophomore year. Usually before I left for school my mom would have the news on, but on that particular day we were running late so we didn't have time to turn the tv on.

When I got to school, people were all talking about "the WTC was hit! the WTC was hit!" I wasn't sure what the WTC meant; I hadn't heard that abbreviation before, but I did understand "attacked" and "New York," which was what caught my attention. I still didn't fully understand so I had no problems about joking with my friends for the few minutes before the bell rang for first period.

The bell rings and I'm in my first class, which happened to be band. But instead of the teacher being in the front of the room ready to teach or in her office getting stuff ready for the day, she was standing next to the television she had in the middle of the front of the room. Everyone who was already in there were all sitting in front with their eyes glued to the tv.

There I saw it. I saw a live feed from New York, the state that I was born in. The place where parts of my family still lived. Though I barely remember it from when I was there, I did think of my family who was still living there. I sat there, tense, watching as the second plane hit. Watching as the towers collapsed one at a time.

When the bell rang, I didn't want to go to my next class. But I did, because I had to. The rest of the day was spent going from class to class, watching the same thing in every classroom. And at lunch the attack was all anyone talked about.

When I got home, I turned on the news to watch it some more. My mom had contacted all of my family members who lived in the state to make sure everyone was alright. That's when I found out that my aunt was supposed to be at a meeting in the WTC that day, but something had come up and it prevented her from going to the meeting. What a lucky break.

The next day at school some of the teachers, mostly the history teachers, were still interested in what was going on in New York. Others had the TVs on, but they started their lessons. A few of my teachers were not interested in it the least bit and insisted on everyone paying attention to them and the lesson being taught.

I remained interested in the attacks for about a week. Then I started getting sick of hearing about it and seeing it on half the channels on TV. Six months had gone by and they were still talking about it all the time, though not as much. Even after a year, they were still talking about it like it had happened yesterday and by then I was just flat out annoyed.

I can understand that you're still trying to figure out what happened. And I can understand that we're now in a war {that was supposed to be over who knows how many years ago now} and that people are never going to be able to come back from this, but must you dwell on the past? I've had shit happen, everyone has and yes, I acknowledge that this is so much more catastrophic than the things that have happened in my life, but there's nothing you can do to change the past. Its over, it happened, keep moving.

I'm very sorry to hear that its directly affected certain people, but its been 6 years. What's going to happen when all the people who were alive during the WTC attacks die? Are there still going to be people who care as much as they do now? I doubt it.

I'm sorry if this has turned into a rant and to any of you who were directly affected by the attacks, but there are just some thing about this that annoy me. Not so much anymore though because of the length time its been, they don't air shows on it all the time anymore.

But I have to ask, where were you when it happened?

~~ I'll write my usual, much more boring entry at some point much later in the day~~

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post 498
Monday. 9.10.07 2:53 am
The title is the number of entries I've done, including this one. {however it doesn't include 153 entries on blackfire or the 116 entries on bug}

Today was fairly better than yesterday. Dinner was nicer because everyone was in a good mood. I actually don't remember a whole lot of what we talked about because it was all kinds of random stuff. Everywhere from a lobster claw machine to the items that we had put in the fridge as leftovers and could no longer identify.

Dinner was tasty. It was supposed to be chicken patties and chips, but Steve had gotten a $100 gift card to Wal-Mart so he bought stuff for dinner with that. On the grill we had shrimp kabobs and bratwurst. With it we had those garlic cheddar mashed potatoes again and the leftover shrimp, after the others were skewered, Steve cooked them in a mix of pineapple bits, celery pieces and a garlic butter. I actually liked those shrimp as opposed to the kabobs. But overall dinner was tasty. We'll be having the chicken patties tomorrow.

I planned on going swimming tomorrow, but the blister hasn't healed enough yet for me to be wearing shoes. I also need to do laundry cuz the clothes I wanted to wear {including my bathing suit} are all dirty. Maybe on Tuesday.

I think I'm going to start reapplying at some of the very first places I applied at. I don't remember which companies held their applications for 30 days, 60 days or 90 days so I figure it wouldn't hurt to reapply at some of the places. If my app is still active, I'm sure the computer will tell me.

I've decided that once I'm completely done with The Vampire Lestat, I'd read Memoirs of a Geisha. My sister told me that the book was better than the movie. . . which is how it usually is with a book-turned-movie. They can only do some much in a movie. In a book, you are unlimited. If you want to write a lot, more than one book's worth, than all you have to do is make it a series.

Alrighty, its just after 3am and I'm having trouble focusing on the screen. This conludes the 498th entry.

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not fun times
Saturday. 9.8.07 6:48 pm
I don't know about you guys, but I hate it when one person at the dinner table is in a bad mood; the vibe just sits over the table like a rain cloud with awaiting lightning ready to strike at any moment. Everyone is afraid to talk just in case something said is what triggers the person in a bad mood. That's how it was tonight.

Finally, after everyone was about halfway done, Steve broke the silence by poking Lori's hot dog with his fork. It didn't dissipate the cloud, but it eased the tension some. Steve's excuse for poking the hot dog was that it was "sitting too straight on the plate. It needed to be knocked over." He didn't knock it over, but it was still kinda funny.

I really wish one of the people calling me would be someone calling to hire me instead of a wrong number. I had a person call 7 times today looking for a hotel. The first two times, I answered and told them it was the wrong number. A short while later, that same person called again. I ignored the call. Right after the voicemail picked up, they called back. I ignored the call again. Right after that, they called another time. This time I answer the phone {with emphasis on every word}: "You have the wrong number. Please don't call it again!" They don't listen. Another two times they call; neither time I answer. Tell me this, what hotel of any kind has an answering machine that starts out "You have reached the voice mailbox of ... etc?" Seriously? Luckily they haven't called back. If they do I'm either going to answer and tell them off or just ignore it.

Anywho, Jean was actually considerate today. She managed to stay quiet so that I could sleep. Either that or I was just really, really tired and slept through any noise that was made. Somehow, I'm actually unsure as to the reason ...

Alrighty, I can't think of anything else to say. I guess I'll write again whenever.

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*le sigh*
Friday. 9.7.07 7:30 pm
I've been feeling really weird over today and yesterday. I'm not sure exactly what is triggering it, but its affecting my decisions.

As enthusiastic as I was about swimming, I don't really want to now. And as much as I'm cooped up in the house, with me not having a job or available transportation, I haven't been wanting to leave the seclusion.

I'm feeling almost useless because no one is wanting to hire me. They'll hire a 16 or 17 year old, but not me? Its not fair. The way things seem to be going right now, I don't think I'll be able to get a job until after I'm 21. I really don't want to have to wait that long and since I'm not planning on celebrating the "special" day, I wouldn't even mind working that weekend. Unfortunately something tells me I'm going to end up waiting either way.

I'm sorry that I haven't been commenting lately. I have been reading the entries, but with the mood I've been in, I just haven't had anything worthwhile to say in response. I promise that as soon as this mood has passed I will resume commenting.

I really hope this mood passes soon. I hate feeling this way.

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one month from today ...
Wednesday. 9.5.07 4:35 pm
I'll be 21. I'm not excited about it anymore, as I've said. I mean sure, I still have a month to change my attitude towards it, but I highly doubt my mood is going to change about it. Whatever. I already know what my mom is getting me. Its already been discussed from a few years ago; when we were out in Vegas the last time. She'll be giving me $100 cash and letting me loose in the casinos. I'm not expecting anything from anyone else. I don't really want anything from anyone else. The only thing I have to have on my birthday is a chocolate cake. Its a must have on my birthday. Other than being able to go anywhere I want in a casino and getting a cake just for me, October 5th has no significance for me. It will mean just the same this year as any other.

I got the pool key and pass so tomorrow I will definately be going swimming. I don't think I'll be able to walk there because the blister is still not healed. What I didn't think of was that my mom is off work tomorrow so she'll be able to give me a ride if Charlotte can't. I was told that I needed to call Charlotte in the morning before I go to see if she'll be going with me. So that's what I'm going to do. Part of me hopes she can so that I won't be alone in the pool, but another part doesn't want her to be able to go cuz I don't really know her and would be a little awkward at first. Oh well. Either way I'll be happy.

The modem has been giving me problems lately. Its not the router anymore. I've had to reset the modem a few times in the last week or so. Its getting really annoying. AllI want to do is go on the internet and go about my business, but I can't cuz the stupid modem wants to be difficult. Whatever. Its working fine now.

I wasn't so lucky as to have a quiet house again today. Yesterday it was really nice. Even though everyone was home, the house was still quiet. All I could hear, aside from the small noise I was making, was Lori's TV because Tony was over and she has to keep her door open. Only mom and Jean are home right now and its getting louder and louder. Gah! I guess its a good thing I'm not watching anything important on TV.

I'm reading {or trying to read} the book The Vampire Lestat. This is the third time I'm attempting to read the book and its just not catching my attention. I have no idea why. I was able to get into {somewhat} and read through and finish Interview With A Vampire, but this book just isn't doing anything for me. Maybe tonight I'll get off the comp early and get myself into a determined attitude to read into this book.

Uhm, I think that's it for today. I'll write again whenever.

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screaming in protest
Tuesday. 9.4.07 4:14 pm
I finally took the time to find out how long it would take for me to walk from here to the apartments where the pool is. So I got up, got dressed {figuring I'd be hot when I got back so I'd save my shower for later} and headed out the door.

It took me 20 minutes to get to the apartments. It was hot, but the sun was on my back so it wasn't as hot. I got to the playground, right before the pool and decided that I'd turn around and head home.

When I was walking back, the sun was in my face. The wind was blowing harder than when I had left the house and it was a hot wind. I got down to the intersection, which marked the halfway point and stopped to wait for the crosswalk signal to tell me it was okay to cross.

That's when my legs started screaming at me. I haven't walked that far since I left Tucson ... actually, this is farther than the distance between my old apt and my old job. I started to get impatient, knowing that I needed to start walking again before the screaming became worse. Finally the signal changed and I crossed. My legs stopped screaming, but they were still sore.

I got just across the intersection and I was on my last strech home, when I realized just how hot I was. My mouth had suddenly dried up, despite the gum I was chewing to help keep the saliva going. The sun was beating on my face and the whole front of my body. I had to fight my stomach from trying to jump out of my mouth and I had to keep my legs moving. {when I got home, I glanced at the weather indicator I have and at 11:30am it was 101}

When I finally got to the road that led to the house, I gave up trying to keep my hair from blowing too wildly in the wind. I no longer cared what I looked like; I just needed to get inside and out of the heat. I was about to pass out.

I get inside, drop my keys on the table and take a giant swig of water. I drained most of the 1/2 liter bottle in less than 10 seconds. Bad idea. A few minutes later, I ended up dry heaving and the only thing that came up was the water that hadn't quite made it to my stomach. It was not fun.

I was still out of breath and decided to take a shower to wash all of the sweat off me and maybe the hot water would relax my muscles. It didn't really help. I had to sit down 3 times while in the shower and each time I put my head back to wash out the shampoo, I had to fight to stay upright and to keep the rest of the nothing in my stomach from coming back up.

Once I got out of the shower, I put on pajamas and layed down on the couch. After about 10 minutes I had managed to calm my breathing down to normal and I decided to try and sit up without the contents of my stomach shifting. It worked.

I slowly, after a little bit, was able to get up and walk around without feeling nauseous. I drank more water, only much slower this time as to not upset my finally settled stomach. After another short time, I felt that I should eat something; thinking maybe that would help. I heated up leftovers from last night and it helped.

I'm fine now, with the exception of a small blister on my Achilles tendon from my ankle bracelet rubbing against it between it and the shoe. I won't be able to wear my shoes until it heals. So that means that walking is out of the question until it goes away. I'm definately not going to walk that kind of distance in my fuzzy flipflops. Maybe if I had normal ones, but since I don't . . .

On Thursday I might see if mom's coworker can come pick me up {if the blister hasn't healed} so that we can go swimming. If it has healed, I might walk there, but bum a ride off her on the way back. I might even drive myself, seeing as how its her car that I'll be taking my road test in. Its a little bigger than my mom's car so I'll need to get the hang of the different vehicle.

And that was my day. I don't have any other plans tonight except to eat dinner and chill out at home. Besides, this entry is plenty long enough so I think I'll end it now.

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