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welcome to my mind ...

The weather
A constant state of being.
My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
Well, hello there.
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Saturday. 9.22.07 11:39 am
First things first. Today would have been my birthday as today was my actual due date. I didn't realize it until I got to Balloonapalooza and saw all the beer. If I had been born on my due date, as opposed to 13 days late, I would have been able to drink today! Gah!!!

I just had to get that out of my system. Anywho, I went to Balloonapalooza tonight with my mom and met up with my sister and her boyfriend shortly afterwards. We got there about half an hour before the balloon glow was over. They had regular hot air balloons, sponsored by certain compaines. And they had a few character balloons; the Wells Fargo Bees and Panda Express had a panda head balloon. I didn't get a picture of that one though.

It was nice. Mom saw a bunch of people that she knew through work; either coworkers or regular customers. One of the perks of working at a convenience store, I guess. I met a few more of her coworkers, one of which was pretty cute. He had a girlfriend though. Mom said that he was full of himself and I also found out he smokes. A definate no-go for me. He had the most brilliant blue eyes, though, and his tongue was pierced! A definate turn-on for me. {sorry is that's tmi for you}

Tomorrow they're going to be launching the balloons, but if I want to see them I'll have to be up at 6:30am. I'm seriously considering it. I'll be able to take pictures of them up in the sky. I really want to ride in one, but I'd have to go elsewhere to do that. It would be an awesome job to have: a balloonist. You'd get to opporate the flame! I'd be able to play with fire!

Alright alright, I've babbled enough. Here are the pictures I took from tonight. Once this entry has been pushed down, you can go to my gallery to see them:

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two weeks shy
Saturday. 9.22.07 2:17 pm
Alright, so yesterday first. I went and saw Good Luck Chuck. Lemme just tell you ... it was funny. I don't really care what people say about Dane Cook, I find him funny. And in this movie, oh god. Just ... wow.

Transformers is in IMAX now. I really want to go see it. I'm not sure how I'm going to, but hopefully I'll be able to find a way.

It was incredibly windy yesterday. There were sustained winds at 30mph with gusts up to 50mph. It was quite fun walking in it. The only thing was that living in the desert it was blowing around sand and dirt. That was the only part that wasn't fun. It stormed for a little bit last night. Nothing as serious as the last time it stormed. The wind made the rain sound like it was coming down harder than it actually was, but it wasn't that bad. They were predicting a 50% chance of rain today, but I would think it would be a little difficult to drop precipitation if there aren't any clouds in the sky. One unexpected thing happened during the storm last night. It caused snow to form on Mt Charleston. I don't know how much though cuz I can't see the mountains over the houses.

Anywho, back to the title. I am two weeks shy of my birthday. Actually its two weeks from yesterday, but I forgot to mention it yesterday. I'm lucky that my mom hasn't mentioned anything about it. She hasn't asked me what I want or if there's anything special for dinner that I'm looking to get. I hate those questions because I don't ever know. I'm sure I won't be able to avoid them forever; she'll probably start asking next week. And I can almost guarentee that I won't know then either. I doubt I'll know even the day off. Whatever. Its just another day.

Uhh, I don't know what else to say so I guess this is it for this entry.

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too good to be true
Friday. 9.21.07 12:15 pm
Well, to those of you who were wondering how my interview went yesterday, it didn't. I got there and the guy who was there said that the manager had a family emergency and he wouldn't be back until Monday. So I rescheduled my interview for Monday at 11. I knew that it was too good to be true. I just wasn't sure what was going to happen to make it that way.

I was able to sleep last night. I fell asleep just after 2am and I woke up briefly at some point early this morning, but I don't remember what time. Then I woke up again at 10:15am, decided that I was going to only lay there for another 45 minutes and then I'd get up. I ended up not waking up again until almost noon. That was about 20 minutes ago.

I've not quite forgiven the cat yet, but last night I was able to get him to stop wincing every time I went near him. See, yesterday morning I was so pissed off at what he did that I smacked him pretty hard and for the rest of the day, whenever I went past him, he'd look up at me and either scurry away or wince. Its not healthy for him so I finally managed to calm him down. He still looks up at me when I walk past him, almost as if waiting, but he stays put and doesn't wince. It'll be a little bit before I finally forgive him.

Anywho, today my sister, her boyfriend and I are going to see Good Luck Chuck. I've been looking forward to seeing this movie since earlier this year when I first heard about it. I'm excited, but not near enough for it to be obvious to other people. Very rarely am I ever excited enough about something that other people can obviously tell.

Is it sad when people get scared and cautious if they see that I'm excited and happy and smiling much, much more than usual?

This weekend they're predicting showers off and on all weekend. The past few days have been quite on the windy side, which usually indicates that there's a storm somewhere nearby. Usually, though, the storm is unable to make it over the mountains and all we get is just a lot of wind. The predicted storm {whether it comes or not} is bringing us much cooler temperatures. It was only a couple weeks ago, if even that, that it was still getting over 100 every day. The past few days haven't quite gotten past 90 for a high and right now, its only 72 outside. Actual decent weather. Still warm enough to be able to wear capris, flip flops and t-shirts, but cool enough that you're not sweating by the time you reach the end of your driveway.

The perfect temperature for me is between 65 and 75. Anything above 75 is just too hot for my liking. If it occasionally goes below 65 {no matter how far} is also fine for me. The only thing I really loathe about weather, be it hot or cold, is wind. When its nice outside and there's a cool breeze, I don't mind. But if its hot and windy, the wind is hot and uncomfortable. If its cold and windy, the chill causes my eyes to tear up. No matter the temperature, the wind always messes my hair up. Unless I have it pulled back into a bun and gelled to my head, which I haven't needed {or wanted} to do since I quit my job. Overall, wind sucks.

This weekend also holds Balloonapalooza II which is a "3 day hot air balloon festival with 2 stages of live entertainment, full carnival, circus shows, balloon glows and acensions." Its being held in the golf course across the street from where my mom works, so its right up the road from where I live. I really want to go up in a hot air balloon. I've been into them since before I can remember; my grandfather would take pictures from when he'd go to events and I'd love to look at them. My sister will be going early tomorrow with a group of her friends, but maybe when mom gets off work she and I can go. If I do go, I'll get pictures and I'll post them in my gallery.

Alrighty, I think this is long enough. Kudos to those who have read all the way through. And special kudos to those who comment.

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reluctant thoughts
Thursday. 9.20.07 7:52 am
I only got four hours of sleep again last night, only this time I was awoken to something quite unpleasant as opposed to yesterday simply waking on my own ... just at a fairly early hour.

The tears aren't coming anymore. Either because my eyes are just too dry or because I'm not allowing them to flow. I haven't been able to cry in a month so I had a good solid half hour of tear flow. Unfortunately, my mom and sister were awake so both of them saw. I know my sister doesn't care, but I don't want my mom to have to see it.

There's nothing I can do. I can't simply shut a door like the rest of them. I have no privacy.

I'm reluctantly thinking that maybe I shouldn't have left Tucson. I'd be able to cry every week or every day if I wanted. I wouldn't have to worry about anyone seeing against my will. I could cry as long and hard as I wanted to. Here, I can't.

I can't do anything here.

But if I were in Tucson, I'd still be working the same job that I hated. I'd still be dealing with the complete lack of opportunity to get my license {and even though it seems to not be happening here either, the opportunity is still there.} I'd have friends, but I'd still be alone most of the time.

I can't win. Its almost like I'm not supposed to be happy. Every time I'm excited or looking forward to something, something else happens to kill my mood.

I wish ... I just wish.

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mixed emotions
Wednesday. 9.19.07 1:37 pm
Last night I went to bed around 3:30am, but I didn't fall asleep until closer to 4am. I went to bed with my recently usual hopeless attitude with the knowledge of the phone call I had to make this morning. I decided not to take Nyquil last night and I ended up only getting 3 hours of sleep. I was awake at 7am.

I layed there for about an hour and when I didn't fall back asleep, I decided to just get up. Another hour goes by, I made the phone call I didn't want to make. After listening to the annoying automated menu, I finally reach an actual person. I state that I have a road test scheduled for tomorrow at noon and due to unforseen circumstances, I wouldn't be able to make it and if there was a way I could rescedule.

The woman I spoke to was very helpful, but told me that the next open date for a road test wasn't until November 1st. Not exactly what I was hoping for.

That news had left me bummed out so when my phone rang and I saw a number that I didn't recognize, I thought to myself, "great, yet another wrong number. Just what I need." When I answered, the person calling asked for me. This definately caught me off guard so I was hesitant in answering back.

It was the manager from Radio Shack calling to see if I was still interesting in getting a job and if I'd be able to come in for an interview. Since it was very off guard, I wasn't able to go in today, but I have an interview scheduled for tomorrow morning at 11am.

I had a sudden burst of excitement which soon turned into nerves once I was able to calm my adrenaline. I know that I'll be fine during the interview, but its something different from what I'm used to and I always get nervous. Once I'm in a routine, I'll be perfectly fine. But its that initial start that I have trouble with.

Anywho, there's this made-for-TV Disney movie called Cadet Kelly. I don't like the movie, nor do I like Hilary Duff. I watch the movie so that I can see Shawn Ashmore. He's pretty much one of the hottest guys ever ... in my personal opinion. He's more commonly known for his roll as Iceman in the X-Men Trilogy {which I haven't seen, but I have every intention on doing so} That brought up a rather funny conversation between Tiff and I. I only wish I hadn't X-ed out the IM before I copied the exact excerpt. But here's the gist of it:
~ me: you know what makes him even better?
~ her: wha?
~ me: he's got a twin brother! double the hottness! =]
~ her: yea? when did that happen?
~ me: uhhh ... the day they were born?
~ her: lqtm, you know what I mean. when was that mentioned?
~ me: lqtm, but I just love being a smartass. and I saw it on IMDB.

I just thought that part was funny. He's 7 years older than me though. Not that I'd ever, ever have any kind of chance to even meet him let alone get anything more out of the situation. Its still a thought that crosses my mind. That's the luxury of dreams ... anything can happen in them.

Uhm, I changed the playlist I have on bug. I got sick of listening to the same old music I usually listen to so I put together a playlist of mostly non-rock related songs. I couldn't help but put a few on there, though. Its most of the older songs I used to listen to and never stopped liking. Some of them are newer, but only a few. Like I said on the entry there, if you have any songs that you think would be good for the playlist, feel free to leave it in a comment or message it to me.

Alrighty, I think this entry is long enough. I shall write again whenever.

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Tuesday. 9.18.07 5:08 pm
Well, I won't be taking my road test on Thursday. I'm going to call tomorrow {since its closed now} to reschedule it for the Thursday after my birthday. Charlotte needed to get her brakes worked on and we haven't heard from her yet today. I don't know how comfortable I'd feel taking a test after only driving her car for one day.

That's yet another thing to add to the list of bad shit that's happening to me. The only good thing about taking the test after my birthday {and this is literally the only good thing about it} is that I won't have that red strip above my name stating that I'm under 21 until a specific date. It would be cheaper than having my license before I'm 21 and then getting another one after I'm 21 so that the red strip is removed.

I can't win for losing. I already know that I'm not meant to live in Las Vegas, but does the fucking town have to continuously rub it in my face? Do they have to keep rejecting me in everything I try and do?

What the fuck kind of good is going to come of all this bad? And I sure as hell would love to know the reason behind all of the bullshit I'm dealing with.

Ugh. This is going to be a rather short entry because if I make it any longer, the ranting will just get worse and eventually I'll end up just repeating myself.

I hate feeling this way. I just wish there was something that would happen to put some spark of hope into me.

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