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A constant state of being.
My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
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Thursday. 9.27.07 10:04 pm
Alright, tonight my mom broke it to Jean that she and Steve have a month to leave. Surprisingly, she didn't react as badly as we all thought she would. But Steve also hasn't told her yet that they won't be finding a place together. That's when shit will hit the fan.

During the time that mom used to talk to Jean and Steve about them having to leave, Lori, Tony and me went out to Target. While there, we wandered around clothes for a while, headed over to underwear and ended in shoes. Basic "girly" stuff. Tony dealt with us wandering through clothes and underwear, but when we started to head over to shoes, he left us to head over to electronics.

I wanted to be home by 8 so that I could watch the premieres of My Name is Earl and The Office. On our way out of the store, I saw someone who I never thought I'd see, especially there ... working. Charlie. Charlie works at Target!

When I pointed it out to Lori why I had stopped talking and who it was I was staring at, she told me she had seen him a few times throughout the store while we were wandering around. Either it was a really odd coinsidence or he was following me. Either way, it was really weird seeing him. Ha, I thought he'd be taller.

Anywho, part of me wants to go back to Target so that I can try and see him, but then again, I don't know if I want to. Ugh. I kinda want him to contact me, but I doubt very much if he will. Oh well.

Alright, that's all I have for tonight. I shall write again tomorrow.

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Maybe this is God's way ...
Thursday. 9.27.07 7:16 am
... of telling me that I shouldn't have left Tucson.

~ This is the 4th or 5th time that the cat has decided to use my bed/blanket as a litter box.

~ I've been here 2 1/2 months and I still don't have a job.

~ I still don't have my license because we got into a car accident the day after I got my permit and the car, though still drivable, is messed up. And I've been afraid of driving since.

~ I'm completely miserable, but can't do or say anything about it because there are people all around me. ... and cutting is bad for you.

~ Out of the 4 other people in this house, only one person seems to care about my well-being.

My depression seems worse than it has been in a couple years. I'm not happy here. I knew that I wouldn't be very happy coming into this situation, but I didn't think it would be like this. I had plans and goals. None of which I've reached. The way I had it planned out, I would have been marginally happier living out here than I currently am.

The only thing I seem to be able to do right now is ask why? and not get an answer back. What the fuck does God have planned for me that is keeping me in this misery? Why am I dealing with all of this? What the hell is the reason for all of this?

What did I do to deserve this?

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so ... hmm
Wednesday. 9.26.07 12:32 pm
I can't think of a good title.

Right now I'm watching the HBO Justin Timberlake concert for the 5th time since it premiered. I wasn't aware that I like JT, but I'm oddly drawn to watching the concert. Oh well.

My friend is having an issue with her boyfriend right now that I'm trying my hardest to help her through, but there's only so much I can do. Especially with me being 364 miles away from her.

They got together during the summer so they had all the time they wanted to be with each other. When school started, it put quite a strain on the availability of both of them, but moreso him. He's got school, work, band, and pep band {which if you know, are two different things.} She's only got school and work.

He spends so much time with the band when he's not in class or working that it leaves very little, if any at all, free time. She gets jealous whenever he goes and hangs out with one of his friends or goes to band parties. To make it not sound so bad, he actually spends more time with all of them than his own girlfriend.

When he does spend time with her, he's either so tired that he doesn't really do much of anything but lie around or he focuses his attention on the TV and not so much on her. She feels as if there might be another girl, but I've assured her that's not it. He was cheated on and I know him well enough that he wouldn't push that kind of pain onto someone else.

Basically she's just not sure what to do about it. She's afraid that the relationship is falling apart and that there's nothing she can do to try and salvage it without it seeming pushy or clingy. I'm running out of ideas for her to try.

Anywho, I've decided that there's a very small part of me that's looking slightly forward to my birthday. For the most part its because being 21 will open up my job opportunities. The other part is so that I can drink out in public whenever I want. It should be fun times because I barely look 18. I'll get carded wherever I go.

The only thing I want for my b-day is a cake. I don't even know what "special birthday dinner" I want. Last year I had McDonald's {that I had to pay for} because the douchebag that took me out wanted to go drinking instead of buying me dinner like he had promised. The year before that I had dinner at my work because I had no life. I have even less of a life right now because back then I at least had work. Now, I have nothing. Ugh.

Alright, I don't know what else to say. That's it for this entry.

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that's uhh, A ... C ... phlegm
Monday. 9.24.07 5:03 pm
I'm pretty sure most of you have no idea what the title means, so I'll tell you. The ventriliquist Jeff Dunham had his second Comedy Central premiere last night and it was hilarious. It was actually funnier than his first special. The title is refering to something he makes one of his new characters say. The character's name is Achmed and he asked the puppet how you spelled it. Put two and two together and you should find it funny. Here's a quick video of different clips from the show. It was obviously made before the premiere, but its funny. If you haven't seen this guy perform {whether live or on TV} I definately recommend it; especially if you need to laugh. {my jaw and face hurt after watching the show because even if I wasn't laughing, I couldn't stop smiling. I also have both DVDs so I can watch them any time I want to laugh}

Anywho, I'm done with Radio Shack. My interview was rescheduled for today and when I got there, the right manager was there. However, he was the only one there and since he had been out for the past few days, he needed to catch up on inventory and couldn't interview me there. He was going to send me to another store for his boss to do the interviewing, but the store was about an hour drive away from the house and that's just too far for me. I'm not going to try back there again.

My mom took the car up to the shop today to get an estimate and the guy who looked at it told her it would probably be a total loss. Which means fixing the car would cost more than the whole car is worth. So basically, the car won't be fixed. The insurance company is going to send someone out to personally look at the car and the damage and will most likely end up giving us a check for the value of the car. It'll be at least a few thousand dollars, so we should be able to get another car. It'll be cheap, but hopefully it'll be better running than our current one.

Once I turn 21 I'll be able to apply at a convenience store and/or a casino. My mom suggested that if I work at a convenience store, the best one to work at would be Terrible's. Its a big enough corporation {its also a casion out here} that after 90 days, I'll be able to get health insurance, including dental and vision. If that happens, I'm going to see if I can put my mom and sister on my plan so that my mom and I can be covered for our vision and so my sister can get her long needed jaw work done. Mom has worked for that company twice before and the only thing she had complaints about was the uniform because she hates having to tuck in her shirt. Its something I don't mind, having had to deal with it for band and when I had to manage at the restaurant. So that'll definately be something I'll look into once my 21st has passed.

Alright, I think that's it for today. I know that the sections are longer than usual, but I didn't want to seperate the related sections.

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Saturday. 9.22.07 11:39 am
First things first. Today would have been my birthday as today was my actual due date. I didn't realize it until I got to Balloonapalooza and saw all the beer. If I had been born on my due date, as opposed to 13 days late, I would have been able to drink today! Gah!!!

I just had to get that out of my system. Anywho, I went to Balloonapalooza tonight with my mom and met up with my sister and her boyfriend shortly afterwards. We got there about half an hour before the balloon glow was over. They had regular hot air balloons, sponsored by certain compaines. And they had a few character balloons; the Wells Fargo Bees and Panda Express had a panda head balloon. I didn't get a picture of that one though.

It was nice. Mom saw a bunch of people that she knew through work; either coworkers or regular customers. One of the perks of working at a convenience store, I guess. I met a few more of her coworkers, one of which was pretty cute. He had a girlfriend though. Mom said that he was full of himself and I also found out he smokes. A definate no-go for me. He had the most brilliant blue eyes, though, and his tongue was pierced! A definate turn-on for me. {sorry is that's tmi for you}

Tomorrow they're going to be launching the balloons, but if I want to see them I'll have to be up at 6:30am. I'm seriously considering it. I'll be able to take pictures of them up in the sky. I really want to ride in one, but I'd have to go elsewhere to do that. It would be an awesome job to have: a balloonist. You'd get to opporate the flame! I'd be able to play with fire!

Alright alright, I've babbled enough. Here are the pictures I took from tonight. Once this entry has been pushed down, you can go to my gallery to see them:

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two weeks shy
Saturday. 9.22.07 2:17 pm
Alright, so yesterday first. I went and saw Good Luck Chuck. Lemme just tell you ... it was funny. I don't really care what people say about Dane Cook, I find him funny. And in this movie, oh god. Just ... wow.

Transformers is in IMAX now. I really want to go see it. I'm not sure how I'm going to, but hopefully I'll be able to find a way.

It was incredibly windy yesterday. There were sustained winds at 30mph with gusts up to 50mph. It was quite fun walking in it. The only thing was that living in the desert it was blowing around sand and dirt. That was the only part that wasn't fun. It stormed for a little bit last night. Nothing as serious as the last time it stormed. The wind made the rain sound like it was coming down harder than it actually was, but it wasn't that bad. They were predicting a 50% chance of rain today, but I would think it would be a little difficult to drop precipitation if there aren't any clouds in the sky. One unexpected thing happened during the storm last night. It caused snow to form on Mt Charleston. I don't know how much though cuz I can't see the mountains over the houses.

Anywho, back to the title. I am two weeks shy of my birthday. Actually its two weeks from yesterday, but I forgot to mention it yesterday. I'm lucky that my mom hasn't mentioned anything about it. She hasn't asked me what I want or if there's anything special for dinner that I'm looking to get. I hate those questions because I don't ever know. I'm sure I won't be able to avoid them forever; she'll probably start asking next week. And I can almost guarentee that I won't know then either. I doubt I'll know even the day off. Whatever. Its just another day.

Uhh, I don't know what else to say so I guess this is it for this entry.

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