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The weather
A constant state of being.
My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
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Thursday. 10.11.07 7:30 pm
I really do hate mood swings. Female hormones suck sometimes.

I feel a little better that I did yesterday. I'm more frustrated than anything at this point in time. Ugh.

Anywho, I'm going out with ma tomorrow. Its her payday and we might stop by the casino and play a session of bingo. Now, usually when you hear of people playing bingo, you think of elderly ladies sitting in a group home hall playing. Here, its not the case. Yes, there are elderly/older people there, but when you have the opportunity to win money, it tends to get younger peoples' attention too. I certain would love to win money. First thing I'd do is pay off my long overdue cable bill.

I'm also going to be turning in a few more applications while I'm out tomorrow. Other than that, I've got no plans.

My life seems to be getting more and more boring by the day.

Alright, I'm done for now. I'll write again whenever.

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I can't think of a title
Wednesday. 10.10.07 10:13 am
Maybe I feel like and think that I'm ready to have a job and get on with my life, but what if the higher ups {God, if you will} has bigger plans for me and to Him I'm not ready yet.

I really do hope the reason for this elongated period of nothingness reveals itself soon. I'm so sick of feeling worthless and hopeless. But with nothing going right, it seems to be all I can feel.

Three months of sleeping on the couch is definately starting to take its toll on my back and neck and hips and shoulders. I can't sit or turn certain ways without being in pain. Even laying down in certain positions hurts now. The fact that I already have a hip problem doesn't add to it. I already can't sit/stand/lay in one position for too long without being in pain. Sleeping on the couch is like adding insult to injury.

To add even further insult to injury, I have no job, I have no money, I have no license or car and I have no friends. At least none that live close enough to be able to do anything with.

What could possibly be the reason for my suffering?

And when will it end?

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Monday. 10.8.07 5:39 pm
I hate mood swings. They elevate things that are wrong much more than the actual seriousness of the situation.

I had every right to be pissed off yesterday though. And I'm probably going to be pissed off until that room is mine.

Apparently ma had a talk to Jean about the whole taking over the freezer thing and hopefully it won't happen again. ~~ Just to clarify, Jean is my mom's close friend who is "renting out" the third bedroom. Steve is her boyfriend, but the relationship is pretty much over. Jean just isn't aware of it yet, or is just in serious denial about it.~~

Anywho, I've been taking these dumb "likeness" tests on facebook. Its kind of surprising just how much Tiffany and me are alike. No wonder we're so close. And we're both very trustworthy people. We've been able to share with each other some of our darkest secrets with the knowledge and absolute trust that it will stay between us. Its nice having a friend like that. Katie and I can trust each other too, but we don't talk as much as Tiff and me. I miss them both.

Tonight is Chuck, Heroes and Journeyman. I'm not really that into Journeyman, but I can't seem to stop watching it. Oh well. I'm definately in love with Chuck and Heroes. I'm in love with Life too, but that's on Wednesday.

Alright, I wasn't planning on making this a very long entry and I don't think it is. But to keep it short, this is the end. Till tomorrow.

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Sunday. 10.7.07 12:42 pm
Jean and Steve need to leave. Steve I don't mind so much, but I have, yet again, more things to complain about Jean. First off, she won't take care of her own cat. She makes Steve get the cat's food when its time to feed her. She won't even look twice at the litter box {since I've been here -3 months- I've had to say something about it before its cleaned} My sister or me or mom {and neither me nor ma own a cat and never will} usually end up refilling the water bowl.

Jean also went shopping today and bought enough stuff to completely fill the freezer. There's enough room for my cake and that's only because it was in there before she went shopping. Lemme give you a visual. Our refridgerator/freezer is very small. Its about 2 feet wide and shorter than me {I'm only 5'3"} She's already taken up an entire shelf and a half in the refridgerator and now she's taken over the freezer. And ya know what? If any of us touch any of it, she'll get pissed off and bitch and moan and complain that "its her's and she didn't give permission for any of us to touch it." I'd rather go fucking hungry than deal with that shit. And with the way it seems to be going, that's what's going to happen. There isn't enough room for my mom to go shopping for the rest of the household.

Fuck! She's not even looking for a place to stay. I need that bedroom. I need to get off the couch. I'm now dealing with constant back and neck pain. Usually if I simply crack them, the pain goes away for a while. Now, its doing nothing. Not to mention the headaches I have to deal with still.

I need to say something to mom so that she can rush it. Steve already found a place. That's why I don't mind him so much. He still needs to get his stuff moved out, but he's got a place he can go and as soon as he can get the time away from work to start moving stuff, he's going to.

Gah! I'm so pissed now that I'm on the verge of tears again. And now we're back to me not even being able to cry because there are people everywhere and here all the time.

I'm so sick of this shit.

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alright, yesterday
Saturday. 10.6.07 2:25 pm
We didn't go out in the morning to breakfast. Mainly because I didn't get up until almost 12:30pm, but I also didn't go to bed until close to 4 and I didn't feel like getting up.

When I finally got up and was awake enough to want to go out, it was 2:00pm. We headed over to Outback Steakhouse, but they don't open until 4. So we agreed on meeting up there at 5:30pm for dinner. Ma and I then left to go to the Texas. I got my player's card and headed over to the bingo hall. Didn't win anything, but it was fun.

On our way out, I sat down at a slot machine, put a $20 in and walked away with the same $20. So I didn't win anything, but I didn't lose anything. We left the Texas and headed over to Outback.

We got there before Lori and Tony did so we sat outside for about 15 minutes. While we were waiting, I was leaning up against the railing and ma was sitting on the bench by the wall. I was watching the reflection of the cars in the window, when I realized, "I hope there aren't people sitting in the boothes by the window. They might think I'm staring at them." Then I also thought, "they can't see mom so they might also think I'm talking to myself." It was kinda funny.

Lori and Tony finally showed up, we went in and were seated immediately. It was good timing because just after we were seated, they started a waiting list. All we ordered was appetizers, but they were like meals themselves. Ma and Lori wanted me to order a drink, just because I could, so I got a kiwi-infused melon martini. It was alright. We had fun at dinner. Our conversations are always interesting at dinner though.

After we left Outback, we stopped at home for a minute, then me and ma headed out again. This time we went to the Cannery and played bingo there. I came close to winning. I was 3 numbers away from winning $76,000. That would have been nice. I didn't enjoy myself as much this time, because the hall was much more full and the guy who was sitting across from me was smoking the whole time. I couldn't breathe for an hour. And I smelled like smoke when I left. It was horrible.

We never got around to buying a cake. I kept forgetting. And since we were all full from Outback, we decided not to buy pizza. Instead, ma told me that we'd buy my cake today and we'd have pizza for dinner tonight.

For the most part yesterday was a good day. I still wish I could have celebrated it with friends, but you can't have everything you want right? Today is Stuart's 21st birthday and tomorrow is my friend Scott's 21st birthday. The original plan was to celebrate it with both of them. Not necessarily on the exact day, but close enough. That plan became moot when my other plans didn't go through. Oh well.

I know this is a long entry; I planned on it being long. But now I'm done. Till tomorrow.

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the day ...
Friday. 10.5.07 10:38 pm
I'm too tired right now to write about my day. It wasn't tiring, but I just don't feel like typing up anything long right now.

So I'm taking a page out of Jon's book ... consider this entry a placeholder.

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