Saturday. 8.11.12 3:07 am
5 years from then, 5 years from now.
Tuesday. 8.7.12 2:45 am
It's crazy what five years can do to people.
For instance, five years ago, I was 15. At that time, I was in
with a boy whom would never love me. And yet, I thought we would end up together at the time. And I thought I was going to go to Academy of Art University at the age of 20, studying graphic design and building my own awesome website that would be very very popular. At fifteen, I cried myself to sleep because a guy did not call, or talked to me but not in the way I wanted him to. At fifteen, my friends and I had no harsh feelings toward each other, loved being around each other all the time, and even had in depth conversations that never became awkward, and never seemed to end. Alcohol never crossed my mind, smoking was disgusting, and God was the one and only person I told every single detail of my life to.
And now, I am 20 years old, going on 21. I am not in love with anyone, and the one that I fell for is married to my best friend. I am now afraid to love or care for anyone of the opposite sex, in fear that I will fall once again for someone that will never love me back. I go to Azusa Pacific University instead, pursuing nursing because helping others is my utmost passion in life. And well, my best friend actually went to Academy of Art University instead. I don't cry myself to sleep over guys anymore. Instead, if I do cry, it is because of my own mistakes, and how I let myself get caught up in things I should have never been caught up in. Now, my old close friends (or most of them) do not trust each other anymore, because of all the betrayal that has happened between us all. We may love each other, but our trust for each other will never be at the level that it used to be. Instead of deep conversations that last forever, we have awkward silences that last a lifetime. Alcohol has touched my lips more than I can count, and to be honest those nights are some of the most fun nights I have ever had. Smoking is still bad :P, but I have opened my mind a little to bit the idea of why people would do it. And quite frankly, God, although he knows every single thing about me, he is the last person I come to now a days. My life may sound so much worse as it is now than five years ago, but I am having the time of my life! I have grown up, and have experienced life much more than I would have ever thought. I am learning so much about myself, and am shaping myself in ways my close-minded fifteen year old self would have not approved of. That though, is a good thing.
And five years from now, things will be even more different. I know things will change, and life will takes twists and turns that I cannot at all foretell, but I hope. In five years, I hope to finally be at my goal weight. (Actually, that isn't a hope, it's a command :P). I also hope to find a stable nursing job on a Medical Surgical Unit somewhere either in San Diego, the LA area, or maybe somewhere in a Northern city. I hope my mom is happy, saved, and feels loved and cherished by her family. I hope my dad also saved and is still living with us, and has not shipped himself to the P.I. I hope that my fear of love is gone! And that I am either in the dating scene, or have found that Jesus-loving man who wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I hope that I have some new friends that I can have fun with, have deep conversations with, and that will have the same beliefs and values as myself. And I hope that the friendships I have now will be restored more than they are at this moment, and that we will be able to acknowledge our faults are able to move on from the past. I hope that my friends will be happy with their spouses, or in their relationships/friendships, even through the future trials and tribulation. I hope to find a church that I feel comfortable in and will not pressure me to do things, but instead encourage me to do things I have passion for. And most of all, I pray that my relationship with my Savior will grow, be nurtured, and will be 80x greater than it is now.
But we'll see where five years takes me, won't we? :)
Oh yeah, and I hope hope hope nutang will still be around in five years!
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