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crash and burn
Thursday. 7.16.09 4:15 pm
today has not been a good day. i can feel and see my good friend/coworker slipping farther away from me and i've been plagued with thoughts of wanting to like that useless lazy immature selfish arrogant bast*rd again. i want to go home. i have so much to do, my head feels so stuffy like its full of cotton. im a cotton swab, g*ddamnit. or my head is a dam and the work is rushing tidal waves and it's about to spill over. crash and burn, i tell you, crash and burn!

im hungry. and i wanna go home.

i feel so alone.
peace out.

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Just met two little b*tches.
Sunday. 7.12.09 6:27 pm
I went petitioning for the last time today. I just rang some guy's doorbell and then realized it was the two guys I tried to petition last time who would not listen to what I had to say because it was 9pm and I woke them up from their beauty sleep[<--snide remark].

So he was still kinda nice (like strangers type of nice, but negative bc he still wouldn't listen to me) up until I said, "Okay so you're holding a grudge. That's okay. Thank you~~~"(because he kept mentioning that I had woke them up pretty late the last time [uh, hello? New York City + 9pm = not late night])and turned to walk away, all with a smile on my face. Then he goes, "That was rude." And it went downhill from there.

He was basically going on and on and I DID apologize (for that suuuuch a late and rude awakening[<---snide remark]) and he goes, "That's better" and on and on, then closes the door to my sweet trying to be nice face.

Point is, I wasn't saying "you're holding a grudge" as some snide remark to be rude [note the arrows pointing to actual snide remarks in this entry]. I was trying to clarify for myself, because really, there was no reason for him not to listen to what I was saying. I am a sweet Asian girl from outside appearances, smiling all throughout the conversation, being very polite, I was trying to make amends, it's NOT late at night, I DID NOT just wake him from his beauty sleep (it's 6pm Sunday evening). What excuse not to be polite to someone being polite to you?

So he closes the door. I actually walk away. And then I think, "Wait a minute here. I don't care if they hate ME, but this isn't about me. This is about the city and who is going to be the next -------- of the City. And so-so can't suffer and lose support because of little ol' me."

I go back to the door. Different guy opens the door. So I try(keyword try) to explain what just happened and the guy goes from strangers-genial-politeness/patient-but-negative to straight "We don't care", "stop bothering us", screaming in my face, and at one point "I'm going to call the police!". SLAM. Door in my face.

What a little bitch.

Of course being the ninteen year old still-teenager with hormones raging and undoubtedly a girl, I'm crying in the staircase for the next twenty minutes. I don't stop there. I write a little note on the back of my business card, apologizing yet again, kindly reminding (without the word 'remind') them that this is about the city and not me. And that the Democratic Primary is Sept. fifteenth. And that I'm providing a little pamphlet (think palm card literature) as an FYI.

Then I go back to my apartment bc I know I can't keep petitioning in that state I'm in.

But what little bitches!


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Saturday. 7.11.09 1:24 pm

Crush is over. Reality hits hard like a punch right between the eyes and your ears are ringing, your eyes go fuzzy, and you can't really believe it but then your head clears. "Oh, man, it IS true" and I'm sighing. Complete let down. I'm back to square one. It's been two days and now I miss having a crush. Sigh.

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I've noticed...
Tuesday. 6.30.09 2:06 pm
I've been spoiled by my stalkers. The first time I got in the car of my new crush(first crush in four years) it was perplexing that he did not offer to drive me all the way home. (Note: I live in Manhattan and work in Queens. Transportation between the two boroughs is about an hour by subway, aka train, and obviously less by car.)

I was too used to being in a guy's car and him offering to drive me all the way home(not that I would have, or wouldn't have, taken him up on the offer). I was also not used to COMPLETE SILENCE in the freaking car during the ENTIRE ride. Not just the first ride, EVERY SINGLE RIDE after that whenever the lady boss had us run an errand together. Except for his stupid speakers blasting.

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Today has not been a good day
Friday. 6.26.09 11:12 am
Not at all. And it's just the beginning.

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Bai Tang Gao
Saturday. 6.20.09 12:02 am
The stuff you bring when you visit the family members who have passed on. Yummy stuff. I love it, it's such good stuff. I don't like it when there's this overpowering smell/taste of alcohol though. That just ruins it. Yuck.

Bai Tan Gao literally means white sugar jelly. Which is what it is. I dont know how to make it, but I know some grandmas do. I wonder if mine does...maybe she can teach me.

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Disregard prev. entry
Friday. 6.19.09 11:13 am
They said it was a mistake. Told me to disregard it and I am, in turn, telling you all to disregard the prev. entry. ^-^

Plugs: Nuttz

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I don't really want you guys to read this, but if you do, plesae don't leave obvious comments. Gestures/words of sympathy are good enough. Anger is great, too. But like I said, please no obvious comments. Thanks.
Thursday. 6.18.09 10:55 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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