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Speak to My Finger
Meowing WAR

Books I have completed reading since January 2018:

1. No Man's Nightingale - Ruth Rendell
2. One Day - David Nicholls
3. The Door - Margaret Atwood
Saturday. 12.2.06 7.45 pm
I'm damn tired today because I was wearing some boots since 8.30 am until now. Not only that, I have been walking in that shoe for don't know how many hours in many places in KL alone. I went to an investment seminar then education fair at PWTC follow up by PC fair at KLCC.

The education fair sucks. I thought I could get information that I need and want but i only got one information which is some European scholarship, which is of course better than nothing. I also got to talk to this sort of counsellor which happened to be distributing some dentistry education leaflet. But luckily I answered his question if not I won't know which EU university to look up on the internet. I guess my prayers were answered somehow.

The PC fair sucks as well and I feel like telling off the organizers to have 'one way street' for visitors in the halls. Imagine two forces going against each other and I was squashed. But don't worry about me folks because I was holding an umbrella upside down so you can imagine what happen if people would like to squash me. I was very surprised I was not pickpoketed. This is because I have a friend who told me that she was pickpocketed twice within her holiday back in KL. Funny.... Maybe she has this innocent look where she could be taken advantage. Yes I know I'm very cruel. =p

Although I had a bad day, I received something weird as well. I was thinking of something something... more of dreaming of something something and when I opened a free paper called the Yellow Post and looked at the horoscope of Virgo... it reads

"You are likely to experience the ecstasies of romance as you fall in love this week. However, not rushing into physical intimacy will be good for your relationship. Pay a little attention to improving your physical fitness."

Weird. The horoscope is telling me to stop dreaming of that something something. And I actually wanted to skip the horoscope part because I don't believe but my little inner self is screaming top of its lung to me to read and I did.

Another lesson here is Don't ever ignore your little voice in you.

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Emcee + Cool
Friday. 12.01.06 9:0 am
Did anyone miss me? Yes I think some of you are. Yea la, perasaan la renaye [yea right].

Oh well, yesterday seminar was all day long and I was even more flattened than a pancake when I reached home. I was just slopping on the sofa because the muscles in both legs refused to cooperate with me. I was so exhausted that I just ate everything from my bowl of rice even though I don't like the ham. Not only that, I was just so tired that I could just doze off on the sofa. But I endured because I wanted to watch last night's Project Runway's theme. You know what was the theme? It was designing an outfit inspired by your dog. And you know what? I was shouting in awe when I see those toy dogs. There were corgi, pomeranian, pug and many more. Imagine I was so excited when I saw those cute miniature dogs. And my mum could hear me shouting in excitement from the restroom. They were just so adorable and I could just squeeze them to death if they were in my arms.

Oh well, the seminar I hosted was fine. I got to see and meet few of the participants and I saw some leng chai [cute/handsome/gorgeous guys]. Bwahahaha... And I got to meet the counsellor of the French Embassy. Leng chai o. I was also praised for my emceeing because I just said some good closing for yesterday's topic. That was pretty cool.

So anything exciting happen last night for you guys?

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Tuesday. 11.28.06 4.03 pm
Let me share something with you guys: I'm a total idiotic pyschic. A few months ago, I foreseen myself being an emcee for my company's upcoming seminar and I told myself not to be so perasaan [yea right, as if] because big boss won't be asking some newbie to be the host. With that, I was relieved because I don't really care of who and who is going to be the host except me and it's also because of ma fan [troublesome]. So I was la la la for the past few months until yesterday ....

Boss: Renaye, can you please do me favour?
Renaye: Oh sure, what it is?
Boss: Can you please be the emcee for this Thursday's seminar?
Renaye: ???!!!

That was what exactly happened. My premonition came true and I don't believe it. This is never the first and the last time.

So I now have to think of my lines for the upcoming seminar and I'm now having a headache of what to wear. What is more concerned is my hair.. my stupid hair... my hair is neither too long or short. Argh .. my hair sucks.

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Emotional Intimacy is a Toxic Substance
MOnday. 11.27.06 1.00 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Clash of Civilization
Friday. 11.24.06 3.10 am
This is pretty strange. I was updating yesterday's blog at the same time as today. What is this? Some kind of coincidence? Or everything happens has some meaning? EErriiiee....

I got nothing to do at work again. It's not really I got nothing to do but I just need to proofread something and I'm just not in the mood to do it because I have been transcribing speeches for the past few weeks until my English merosot [downgraded]. If my standard of English has gone down the slope, how am I going to proofread? Makes sense right? Moreover, I'm sure you guys could detect some grammar mistakes somewhere in the entries... bwahahah

I decided to take a break from my work - undeclared. I was lucky to get hold of the Clash of Civilizationarticle written by Samuel P. Huntington online. It was firstly published in Foreign Affairs Journal in 1993 but it is only accessible by subscribers. I read a little of his article when I was still a student but I found it too profound for me to understand so I abandoned it. But I now got no choice to read because there will be a seminar with this title. And I need to know what the heck is Clash of Civilization.

In this article, Huntington hypothesizes that wars will no longer based on political ideologies indifferences but cultural because cultural civilization is the only difference humans shared. Therefore, political conflicts will occur between nations and political parties of different civilizations.

Clash of civilizations occurs because of 6 reasons:

a) Each civilization is different from each other in the form of history, languages, culture, tradition, etc even though there might be some overlapping. Each person in the civilizations has different views on the relation to God, politics, governance, etc. These differences don't mean that they will bring conflicts and violence. Insofar as, these differences happened to be the case. [I won't give any examples here because I want to be neutral]

b)The world has become a smaller place. People now can communicate with people from all kinds of corner of the world. This intensifies the awareness of culture differences between civlizations and commonalities within civilizations.

c) The modernization of economics and social changes are invoking people to loose the grip of their own identity. Nation states are losing their own unique identity.

d) The dual role of the Western is enhancing the growth civilization-consciouness. A de-westernization and indigenization is occuring in non-Western countries.

e) Cultural characteristic and differences are not really mutable therefore, they are not so easy to be compromise and resolved. Problems related to politics and economics are easier to resolve than cultural based-problems.

f) There is an increased of economic regionalism. Civilization-consciousness will be reinforced by the success of economic regionalism. And a successful economic regionalism is based in a common rooted civilization.

Clash civilization happens at 2 levels: micro and macro level. On the micro level, people from different civilizations fight for territory and over each. On the macro level, states from different civilization fight for economic, political power bla bla and championing their political and religious values.

What does renaye see?

I agree. If I flick through today's newspaper or every now and then, I'm bound to come across articles about people fighting with each other either for territory to establish a place of their own identity or political power. This is sad. I don't have to read that in the World news section.... I can also detect Huntington's message in the local news section. This is more sad. I have things to comment related to this but being a nobody, I want to keep my status quo. All I can say is my beloved country, Malaysia, is doing her best, inter alia, to maintain the peace and harmony our ancestors have fought for the coming generations. For this, I'm very thankful....

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Life as a Modern Hermit
Thursday. 11.23.06 3.10 pm
The most excruciating tragedy I could ever possibly imagine at the moment has finally bombed one of my life territories: the internet server for my office is now currently in the upgrading service for a week, presumably. To be frank, I am now very agitated, fidgeted, frustrated and whatever –ed you could think of when I heard there won’t be any internet access for a week. For a wacko researcher receiving that news, it was like receiving a death sentence. The metaphor I used to describe the feeling I’m having now might be too exaggerated but trust me you would feel the same thing as I do when your internet is dead. I didn’t feel much pain linger in me when I heard my grandmother passed away last week – stoically compared to the absence of internet now.

In fact, I was the first one to moan in the office over this sad news. The clock in my office is just telling me that 10 hours has just passed since the temporary demise of the internet. And I realized I am now pulling my hair and shaking my legs over this matter. Not only that, I have also realized that I have began to become a helpless fool in my chair just because I couldn’t go online to chat with my friends via MSN Messenger; update my blog; check my e-mails; update myself with the new released of manga scanlation; download anime or manga; reply threads in manga/anime forum and so on other than researching information for office work. In short, I was left with abundance of free time which I don’t know how to fill out in the office at the moment.

12 hours passed …

I started to retrospect my life when internet is strictly utilized for corresponding e-mails and obtaining information for homework. And I discovered that I too had a lot of free time and I would employ them to read books, watch documentaries, hang out with friends, chant, sleep, etc. I enjoyed those activities so much that I remembered burrowing my nose into books written by my favourite author, Lisa Jane Smith, into the wee hours of morning with the feeling of satisfaction. Alternatively, I would retire early to revitalize my youth. Panda eyes or rather known as dark eye rings do not even exist in my dictionary. Those were the days I have almost forgotten …

The arrival of the laptop on my study desk changed my life drastically. My eyes will start to glue to the small screen once I pressed the button for it to be alive until I don’t remember to sleep. So what do I do when I go online? I socialize with my fellow anime/manga friends, communicate with lecturers via email, chat with friends via MSN Messenger, watch anime, read manga, etc. With so much things to do online with so little time, I subconsciously abandoned those activities that I once loved. I started to become a recluse by hiding myself in my room other than attending classes. Friend’s invitations to parties were often declined or be gone in 5 minutes. Anime characters and personalities fought to convert my mind. Dark eye rings started to develop under my doe eyes and I became a seasonal insomniac.

So what exactly is happening to my life? I never really realized until now that my life has been controlled by the internet 99%. No internet means no life. But is that the case? If we really think about the whole world regarding about internet, you and I know what it means.

But the main question I need to reflect on is do I really want to place internet as the centre of my life? It is very common to hear people saying that ‘”yea I go online everyday without fail” but have we ever really denied that we are the internet humble slaves? Of course our ego won’t admit it. Who will? More radically is I have given in to the internet to be the core of my life?

14 hours passed …

The meeting room was roared with laughter, contributed by the Muhibbah (hmm… multiracial?) staff of my company. We were exchanging kuih-muih (Malay snacks), gossiping and filling in each other about health issues and what I like the most about our lunch persidangan (meeting in this sense) is we always discuss about the good places to eat…

Then a surprise blips in. The internet is back.

I smiled at the news at the meeting table and continued to engross in our nosy-parker gossips because it is something I should do to prove that I’m taking over my life even though I won’t be able to escape 100% from the grasp of the internet crawler. The most important thing is I realized I have missed out many things while solely romancing with my laptop during lunch break. If I rushed back to the screen upon hearing the news, I won’t know Uncle has gone to the UK during his military service; it’s unhygienic to eat Satay Kajang because the hawkers recycle them; there’s a kuih-muih stall behind my office; my Malay is much better than L. I’m just at the beginning to understand my workmates ….

I have won.

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